Present-Day Martyrs

Present-Day Martyrs

Let us talk about soap operas for a few minutes. You know, those shows on TV that are terribly formulaic: poor girl meets rich boy, they fall in love, and they swear to be with each other for all eternity. And they lived happily ever after? No! Or at least, not immediately. The girl has to suffer beyond belief first, under the dastardly villains who are so intent on wreaking havoc on her life, and usually for the most inane reasons. The heroine, however, does not react against them. The most she could do is to cry in her sleep, until a certain part in the plot wherein she finds the strength and nerve inside her to fight back (you can almost hear the viewers cheering for her as she slaps the face of her nemesis). Before she transforms into a lioness, however, she is the quintessential battered victim, not even saying “Ow!” when just about all of her hair has been forcefully yanked.

This is now the commonly-held perception of who a “martyr” is. The portrayal is almost always that of someone who is abused and does not do anything about it, not because it is his/her choice to remain quiet, but usually because she is scared of the possible consequences of her actions, if she decided to fight back. In short, “martyrs” are considered to be spineless jellyfish, not having any backbone to stand up for his/her own rights. Martyrdom is seen in such negative light nowadays. In fact, one of the common expressions here in the Philippines is “Masyado kang pa-martir!” or any of its derivations, usually said by someone berating a friend for being too cowardly, too silent, or (perish the thought) “too nice.”

With all that in mind, is there anyone in the world who would choose to be a martyr? The probable answer would be no, but the thing is, we’re not out to look what the world is saying, right? It presents martyrs as people who have no ability to stand up for themselves, to speak up, in essence, to be weak. All of those are lies. To prove that, let’s look into the biggest martyr the world has ever seen: Jesus Christ.

Was He unable to stand up for what He believed in? No. In fact, He did not care one whit what the people would do to Him, just as long as He is able to minister to these same individuals. He was utterly fearless, fulfilling His purpose, knowing that it would eventually lead to His death. Was He unable to speak for Himself? No. He went from place to place delivering the Father’s message, not being afraid of the maltreatment He would be receiving, and from the highest officials to boot. Did He cry alone in the corner when He was being persecuted? No. Instead, He went on to continue doing what he has to do, even with the knowledge that the next town might just bring Him more pain and suffering. That does not sound like someone who is weak.

The most prevalent characteristic of martyrs is meekness, and this should not be equated with weakness. I remember reading a devotional (I think it was written by David Jeremiah) that said that to be meek does not mean allowing one’s self to be a doormat, allowing other people to just trample you just because you can’t defend yourself. That implies submission because there is no other choice. Meekness implies a conscious decision to be exactly that. When you think about it, meek people actually have a stronger will than other people. Instead of giving in to their instinct to fight back, they temper that and choose not to respond. It’s not about having the courage not to fight back, but having the strength not to. What good would it do to retaliate, in the first place? In the long run, it does more harm than good, if it does any of the latter at all. It would, in fact, make things worse, because the both of you would have something against the other. Retaliation is pointless. Taking justice in your own hands does not accomplish anything, except that you would go out of your way to look for your own punishment for what you have done. One bad thing does not negate another. Is it also not a sign of pride why we want to get back to the person who has hurt us? It gives the “avenger” the satisfaction of not allowing another to have one over you, not allowing that person to be superior to you, to a degree. Is that really a good thing?

Even though the Lenten season has come and gone, I hope and pray that all of us would continue to share in the Passion of Jesus, His pain and suffering, and to do exactly what He has done: be a meek lamb.

Isaiah 50:6-7 “I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard; my face I did not shield from buffets and spitting. The Lord God is my help, therefore, I am not disgraced; I have set my face like flint, knowing that I shall not be put to shame.”

Popping My Balloons

For those who already know me, you are probably aware of my compulsiveness regarding plans. I would not commit myself to anything that does not have a definite structure. I would prefer not to step out of the house if there is still no substantial idea on what actually is entailed in what I am supposed to do. I try to make contingency plans in case the original one explodes in my face in the middle of the execution of it. I’m pretty much a systematic person, in that I tend to think more of in bullet points rather than in something more hodge-podge.

That’s who I am. That’s what I’ve been used to for almost all my life. Before I even reached the latter half of my college years, I already made plans of entering law school. If I don’t pass, then grad school. If that does not work either, then I work, and the latter also has its own options. I wanted to go and write. If that’s not the way the wind blows, then I get into advertising. If that does not work either, I go corporate. I’ve always been used to having at least a tangible idea that I can work on. If there isn’t anything existing yet, I make one up. I dislike “winging it,” because it ruins the order I’ve worked on in my head. Anal, I know. Yet for me, I believe that it’s better for a person to already have a clear-cut plan instead of being totally clueless when already there. It’s one of the aspects of my personality that I consider as a “safety net” – something that I know I can always fall back on when things are difficulty.

Yet we know that God wants us to get out of our comfort zones, and this just happens to be quite a huge one for me.

All my life, I have known, or at least have some sort of an idea where I’ll be going. I always try and come up with a plan, and I try to organize the things that I’ll be doing for the day down to the last minute. Yet now, I’m completely clueless of what my future will hold, and this is a first for me. I absolutely have no idea where I’m going to be come June, and it scares me that I can’t foresee where I will be by that time. I’m scared, because this is outside of what I thought would happen, even with the contingency plans in my head.

The thing with law school is, you really have to be 100% committed when you’re in it. A little deviation from the straight line that you’re supposed to walk on, and you’ll find yourself in such a funk that is so hard to recover from. It’s not even in the difficulty of the subjects that a person will find problematic; it’s in the interest that you have in the course, and going all the way. No matter how difficult something is, if you truly enjoy what you’re doing, it would not seem as hard. I’ll be honest: I’m not happy. I’m really, really not happy, almost from the beginning that I went to law school. I honestly don’t think that this is for me, because my way of thinking is almost completely different from the way law should be looked into. The funny thing about this is that it’s something that I’ve always wanted, but when I got it, I want out.

One thing I’ve realized about myself is that education has become a crutch for me. I’m fortunate because I already have had a full-fledged education and even continually pursuing it, as opposed to a lot of people who have no means of sending themselves or their kids to school. In connection to the first statements I have made, I almost always dwell on concepts and theories, which is one of the reasons why I love philosophy. I love to analyze situations, and then try to go and figure out how to solve it. I have a very strong tendency to dwell in mind workings and rely on these heavily. The way I saw it, education is the only true answer to problems, excepting faith. Our country can only improve if there are more educated people in it who can go and help make things better. I can only help people achieve justice and improve their lives via a degree in law. I realized only recently that while it helps, it’s not really a catch-all solve-all to the world’s problems. It is important, but there are alternatives out there that can make you achieve your purpose. It’s not taking the short cut in this instance. Rather, it’s in listening to your heart and what the Lord is trying to teach you instead of just sticking to that single plan in your head which you considered to be the only thing worth fulfilling. He says that His ways are not our ways, and that is really true. We can make all sorts of beautiful plans in our head, but if it’s contrary to what He wants for us, He will not make what we expected happen. It’s a harsh reality check, but then again, He knows what is best for us. We can’t perceive what will actually happen in the future. Only He knows what will occur, and He wants us to have what is best, and that is why He brings us to the situations that we face. Does that mean, then, that I’m not scared that I don’t know what will happen? No. I still am, particularly if you put in other factors into consideration. I’m walking into a situation virtually blind, with absolutely no idea what to expect, no idea where I’ll find myself tomorrow. Yet He gave His word that He will take care of me, and I claim that.

God popped my balloons, those I filled with helium and expected to float for days. Maybe this eagerness to get out is also a balloon He’s just waiting to deflate, I really can’t say. All I know is that all throughout the year that I spent in law school, He already stuck a pin up a lot of the ones I hold in my hand, yet He continues to replace them with new ones, even more magnificent than the ones that popped.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”

I love you.

The sweetest sound anyone can hear
Way beyond “sorry” and “thank you”

I love you.

A cure for any infirmity
Heals a broken person, mends a broken heart

I love you.

Extends to the realm of grammar
When noun becomes verb and stays that way

I love you.

A genuine statement passing through my lips
A blessing that people might know they are special

I love you.

Not to accept the person for who he is
But to love him despite of what he is

I love you.

Said from the deepest core of my being
Extends beyond feelings and suffuses everything that I am

I love you.

Small gestures become huge things
When you know these are offered from the heart

I love you.

When actions speak for themselves
And not words become unnecessary for what you want to say

I love you.

It cannot be stripped away
Rain may come, sun might shine, but my devotion remains with you

I love you.

A song and prayer of the heart
That people might know what you truly mean.

When Change is Beautiful

Unlike a lot of people in the world today, I’m really not the best person to adapt to change. While some may revel in the various shifts in their lives day by day, I find myself dreading to see what exactly will change from my schedule. It’s not like I enjoy routine – far from it. Too much of a boxed life will probably make me end up screaming my head off and running away to the opposite direction. It’s just that, sometimes, I don’t like the nice clean schedule in my head go awry for something I totally did not expect to happen. Just when you think you’ve got a contingency for every little eventuality you could think of planned and set up already, along comes a circumstance that is so out there that the possibility of it happening is probably one in a million chances, and voila, it is the millionth chance! The unexpected always happens.

These past months, I’ve seen so many changes happen: a lot of them good, but the not-so-good ones also cannot be avoided. It’s quite funny how you can actually think you’ve got everything all figured out only to have everything blow up in your face. You take for granted things that you assume will remain constant forever, only to see that it is dynamic, and it will change in the exact moment you expected it to be still. The only constant thing is change. How true can it get? One can live an extremely paranoid life if all one does is to expect just what exactly will change. The amazing thing is that God did not make us that way. For sure, we might become just a bit jumpy when something unfamiliar happens, but at least we don’t scream hysterically when something shifts. We adjust to what’s happening. Grudgingly sometimes, out of no other choice, perhaps, but we do go with what is taking place. In effect, as the world changes, so do we change. So should we change. We’re not meant to be the exact same persons as we were a year ago, heck, even a day ago. We might not notice that we are, but we do. No one can step in the same river twice. How can that happen, when the person stepping and the river itself have changed in the interval?

I’ve thought about why people seem so averse to changes. I guess it’s primarily the disturbance it causes in the neat little world we have knitted ourselves, and that it threatens to unravel all that we have worked hard on. Good or bad, it endangers the safe little bubble we made. It puts us in danger of being thrust from our security, our comfort zones, into somewhere unfamiliar. For those who are like me who want to dissect the details of the situation they are in (read: overanalyzing), this is particularly difficult. Before we jump into something, we would want to understand every nook and cranny, turn the situation upside-down and inside-out, and visualize the situation and imagine all possible scenarios before making a decision. Yet sometimes, we don’t have the luxury of checking it out before we are thrust into it. We only find ourselves analyzing it only after it has occurred. Doesn’t beat examining it beforehand, but at least it’s better than nothing, right?

Recently, I’ve been experiencing a lot of changes. Though some are internal, most are from external sources that still affect my system. Certainly, a lot of it is good, but all are really unexpected. Sometimes, I’d find myself grinning bemusedly over what just happened, not certain what exactly occurred, but being inanely pleased about it. God has been so good to me, for always listening and being there when I need Him. Just recently, I got amazed upon seeing just how differently He has changed my perspective. I’d see the things going on around me as being willed by Him to happen, to help me grow as a person, to teach me lessons in life, to enjoy His love and devotion. I’d see little miracles happen; things that I did not expect would occur in the next ten million years would materialize before my very eyes. A lot of beautiful things have been happening, I won’t deny that. Yet what I also cannot deny is the fact that maybe, just maybe, God allowed those things to happen, but He does not will for a person to have something related to that, or at least, not yet. Maybe He allowed that as a preparation for something even more beautiful, but in our haste to get what we want, we end up preempting Him. In effect, we grab the blanket even before it has been offered to us. Maybe the Lord allowed it to happen for us to learn and to prepare for what He has in store for us. Maybe it’s a test that He’s allowed to happen, to see whether, when offered something really tempting, we’d forsake our devotion to Him for something that gives us probably only a quick fix. He says in Matthew 6:33. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these will be given to you.” The message can also be found in Psalm 37:4: “Delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desire.” What He is saying is that He should always be first above everything else. When change happens in our lives, we should not limit ourselves to seeing it in a limited sense; instead, we look beyond, to the horizon, that God brought us there in that exact time and place for a reason, and we can choose to learn from it, or just perceive it as the world perceives it: as something isolated from everything else. That is why change can be beautiful, when we know that it has been brought by Someone who desires what is best for us and loves us unconditionally. It’s always Him first. The verses were constructed that way for a reason. Furthermore, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is an appointed time for everything. When something happens in our lives, we can’t go and second-guess what the Lord wants for us. What I truly believe in is that everything happens for a reason. What is indispensable in that equation is that everything happens in a certain time, and in a certain place, for a reason. It is not by mere accident that we find ourselves in the situation we are placed in. There is a purpose for that, and I pray that we always find that purpose. There is a right time and a right place for something right. If God really wants something to happen in our lives, then He will make a way for that to happen, and no force can take that away. It is in our response to that situation that our faith and devotion can be seen.


I hear you whisper
Calling out my name
I turn and search for you
Your presence is the only thing I desire

Words are meaningless
Circumstances but a mere memory
What I treasure is time with you
And no one can take that away from us

Every moment I spend with you is bliss
Yet I find myself looking for more
I thirst for you, long to hear your voice
Home is where you are

The more I come to know you
The more I am drawn to know you more
What I know about you is never enough
But I am sure that everything about you is simply beautiful

The world is filled with uncertainty
Pain and suffering lurk in every corner
But I know where comfort from all the anguish lies
Tucked in the cradle of your loving arms

Life is but a breath
But I would spend my first or last on you
A million years I will give up
For even just a single day spent with you