2010 Elections

As I type this, I've got a lot of things on my mind: my second set of comprehensive exams this Saturday (please pray for me), my presentation paper, my practicum, and part-time work - all personal matters, which pale in comparison with the one that's at the forefront right now: the 2010 elections.

This was the first time that I voted (I was supposed to back in 2007, but because of the proverbial red tape, I wasn't able to register). People who know me are familiar with the fact that I tend to obsess with things that I focus on, be it shallow or deep. This is no different, and I find myself not focusing so much on schoolwork at this crucial point in my academic life when there are bigger things that I need to focus on, and I can't help but sit in front of the television waiting for the latest updates on the polls. It's not just because I'm proud to be a Filipino, because I am. It's not just because I am anti-GMA/Administration (heck, I've been against her since she was the country's VP) and I'm supporting people from the Opposition. It's because I truly believe that this year's presidential elections will bring about major changes in the Philippines, perhaps more so than the previous ones. 

We've already seen some of these changes even prior to the actual elections itself. Obviously, this is the first time that voting will be made electronic. That's a given. The other change that I'm talking about is the proactive-ness of people. It heartens me that the youth are not as apathetic as we are accused to be. This election period proved that we do know what our rights and responsibilities are, and we know how to stand up for them. No matter what our political stance is, we are making a stand on who we are rooting for, and, at least for the presidential and vice-presidential positions, it's not a matter of popularity, but really on what the candidates' platforms are, and that's amazing. We stated who our political choices are out loud, without shame. I don't know if anyone's noticed, but this year's elections seems to have been taken to heart by the people, because this time, it's not just a random voting thing. This time, it's personal. You can't walk along a single block without seeing political paraphernalia promoting a certain candidate. Whereas before where people seem timid to declare who they're voting for, this year saw people almost aggressively shouting out (literally and figuratively) their political affiliations, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, because in that way, people learn. Speaking out is the first step in finding out more information, and if someone doesn't agree, then a healthy debate is in order (of course, there are the political extremists who believe in using firearms and violence to settle this. Those people are outliers and deserve to be locked up.) For me, my support goes to the Liberal party: for Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas, and most of their Senatoriables. It's not because they're the popular choice, but because I honestly believe in their platforms, in their ideals, and in their propositions. You might argue that Noynoy is a political lightweight, and I would agree, but being one doesn't necessarily mean that he does not have the capacity to be able to run this country. We've already had our share of popular/masa (Erap) and explicitly highly intelligent (GMA) candidates (that's not saying that I think Noy's less intelligent than GMA, rather, he's not as arrogant about it as her). Maybe it's time we go for someone who does not boast about how smart he is or how popular he is, but someone who is honest and decent. The man sounds sincere about what he's saying, and call me gullible, but I believe in him. Plain and simple, I believe in his and his running mate's words that they want to make this country better, and they'll start by taking out the bad apples in the basket. They have a clear idea of what they want to do, and I support them all the way, no matter what mudslinging thrown their way.

One change that we're seeing right now is the fact that people's eyes are glued on to the bars indicating the votes for VP. Ordinarily, they would focus more on the presidential elections, but since it's practically a landslide victory in that department (and thank God for that!), the next highest position in the country is in the limelight. I have nothing against Binay. I admire his work in improving Makati, but really, my vote's for Mar Roxas, and I honestly hope that he would be able to catch up. Hell, I've been teary-eyed almost the entire day (and I haven't cried in a while, and I don't consider myself to cry easily) when I saw how much lead Binay has over Mar. The Lord willing that Mar pulls through at the eleventh hour. I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow account why I think he's better, but I do think that he can do more.  Plus, he wants the position - and he deserves it, and his credentials show why exactly he should be the one to be the country's VP. Also, like his running mate, I believe in his sincerity. Furthermore, I think that if the LP candidates take the top two positions, the dreams we have of change in the country really will happen, because what they're saying is not just lip service. An Aquino-Binay teamup is too fuzzy a concept to bank my faith on at this point. 

Sadly, as much as we would want change, others don't seem to, because they appear to not have learned from past lessons. The leading candidates for the senatorial positions are a testament to that. My mind still can't wrap around the fact that Bong Revilla, Lito Lapid, and Tito Sotto are up there in the top 12 slots. I mean, honestly. Philippines, haven't we learned our lesson yet? Buti sana if the celebrity candidates actually have something to bring to the table (like Herbert Bautista), but honestly, these reelectionists have no right to be in the Senate. What have they done when they were sitting there, anyway? Tito Sotto is one of the people known for his absences in the sessions, and you want him back? Bong Revilla skipped a session (conveniently the one where Manny Villar's C5 case was supposed to be presented) to attend a bloody fiesta? Don't even get me started on Lito Lapid. Honestly, people, why? Don't even give me that crap about "the next time". These people will be sitting in those positions for at least three years. You're voting them to be the country's lawmakers, not just to sit idly on their bums. It's your money that's paying them. Why are you practically handing your hard-earned cash to them? It's like you're giving alms to people richer than you are! Honestly, I can't come up with the words to show my disgust and disappointment where this is concerned. I'm really hoping for a reversal of this when the unaccounted votes come in, but based on the numbers, sickening as it is, it doesn't seem that things won't change in this department. 

Lord, just help our country, please. It's high time things change here. 

2010

Can't believe I'm giddy over politics.

Being a post-Martial Law baby, this is the first time that I've actually become hopeful of the political situation in the Philippines.

Thanks, But It Ain't Us

As much as I'm flattered that you think we're behind this, we're not. Believe me, I find it a compliment that you'd even suspect us of being the reason about it, but people, he's a big boy. He can make decisions for himself (and for the better, mind you.)

We're not going to take credit where credit's not due, so, sorry. Go blame someone else. I suggest you look in the mirror to start your search.

Ta ta.

Masarap Maging Atenista!

Bakit kamo? Ang mga susunod ay ang aking mga rason:

1. Dahil alam namin na parating meron;
2. Dahil lahat ng tao mahal namin, mapa-anong edad, mapa-babae ka man o lalaki, o mapa-anong kulay ka man (kahit na berde ka, ayos pa rin!);
3. Dahil mahal namin ang mga puno;
4. Dahil maganda ang kulay asul; at
5. Dahil panalo kami sa UAAP Season 71!

Biruin mo, sa sobrang sarap na maging Atenista, kahit mga hindi Atenista, nakiki-Ateneo na rin! Hay, ang mga tao talaga. Ang sarap asarin ang mga ilan sa kanila, "Oy, Nene, anong grade ka pa lang?" Haha! Oo na, masama na, pero nakakatawa pa ring isipin na sa isang selebrasyon na gawa ng Atenista para sa kapwa nilang mga Atenista, halos kalahati ng dumalo ay hindi Atenista. Ang saya! Pero ayos lang, dahil nga sabi ko sa #2, lahat ng tao tatanggapin at mamahalin namin. Atenista kami e, men and women for others, kaya dapat maging mapagbigay. Sabagay, sinuportahan naman rin nila si Chris Tiu, ay, este, ang lahat ng Blue Eagles at si Norman Black, kaya panalo na rin sila.:p Hindi nga ba, the more, the merrier?:p

Ang masasabi ko lang, mabuhay kayo, Ateneo Blue Eagles! Rabah Al-Hussaini, Nonoy Austria, Mike Baldos, Ryan Buenafe, Vince Burke, Justin Chua, Yuri Escueta, Zagz Gonzaga, Kirk Long, Jobe Nkemakolam, Jai Reyes, Eric Salamat, Nico Salva, Chris Sumalinog, and Chris Tiu - salamat sa inyong lahat! Mga tunay kayong mga alamat. Kay Yuri at Chris, mabuhay kayo! Sa mga iba, sana maulit uli sa susunod na taon.:D Pero kung hindi naman (nawa'y hindi, pero hindi natin alam ang mga susunod na mangyayari), sa Ateneo pa rin ako! Ika nga natin, win or lose, it's the school we choose. Kung ito'y isasalin natin, "Manalo, matalo, sa Ateneo pa rin ako!"

Go Ateneo, One Big Fight!

Woot! After six years, we finally got back the crown! Congratulations to the Ateneo Blue Eagles of UAAP Season 71! You've made all of us proud!

See you all at the bonfire! The first one (2002) was great, but this is going to be amazing!

Our Manifesto

The Twelve Commandments of Free Faith

1. Faith is free. It is not something that we work for, but given by God by His grace.

Matthew 6:30 If God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

2. The church is for everyone. Salvation is available to anyone who come to meet God.

1 Corinthians 12:12-13 For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

1 Corinthians 3:10-11 According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

3. Love is not conditional. Each person deserves to be loved, no matter where they are coming from.

Romans 3:9 Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin.

4. It is Jesus who calls, not humans. No one other than Jesus can say what one’s calling is.

Matthew 9:35 Jesus was going through all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness.

5. The servant cannot be above his master. Servanthood and humility are what the Lord seeks from His people.

Matthew 20:16 “The last shall be first, and the first last."

John 15:20 "Remember the word that I said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.”

6. To err is human, to forgive divine. Each person is a sinner whose salvation comes only through Jesus.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

7. Worship is a lifestyle. More than songs and lip service, what counts is how a person lives his/her day-to-day life to glorify God.

Luke 3:8 “Therefore bear fruits in keeping with repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham for our father,' for I say to you that from these stones God is able to raise up children to Abraham.”

8. Do not judge a book you have not read. Never condemn anyone based on what appears on the surface level.

Matthew 7:3"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

9. Insulate, not isolate. As a Christian is in the world but not of the world, s/he need not separate themselves from humanity for fear of contamination.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

10. Faith is not blind. One cannot believe without understanding and seeking the answers of his/her faith.

John 9:39 And Jesus said, "For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind."

11. Live in genuine fellowship. Remember the grand commission: to seek and save the lost.

John 15:12 "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”

12. Thou shall not steal. Theft and robbery of any kind do not and never will reflect God’s love and will for His children.

John 10:10 "The thief coes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life,

and have it abundantly.”

Know more at Free Faith.

Hello, World!

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

I’ve been thinking about this verse for quite some time now, and I think that we’ve taken it wrongly. Or at least, our approach towards it is not quite accurate.

For a lot of Christian groups, the verse means that we should steer clear of the world completely. This means that while we interact with the others, that is, “secular” people, we make a conscious effort to not be like them. Since we’re already renewed, shouldn’t we be acting differently, making it a point to be different from who they are?

For some time, I actually prescribed to that line of thought. After all, the verse did say, “Do not conform to this world”, right? Gradually though, I began to challenge that belief. The verse doesn’t end there. It says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The implication is, if you really try and get to know God, and He reveals Himself to you, then being in Him would mean transformation. It’s not so much that you separate yourself from the rest of humanity, but that you immerse yourself in the Lord. How can you live out the Grand Commission (making disciples of all nations) when you separate yourself from the other people? Are you just going to stick to that little niche of yours for the rest of your life, because we think that what is outside of that is the “big, bad world”?

What I’m getting at here is, as Christians, maybe we should change the way we think. If we really are in the Lord, we have nothing to fear about being corrupted. Jesus already died on the Cross and gave His Spirit. He’s with us. Are we that afraid to be contaminated? Not only is that selfish, but it implies lack of trust. Are we that insecure of His love for us? Are we that self-centered that we would disregard any possible people we might bring into the kingdom for the sake of preserving our souls?

It’s this sense of self-preservation that puts Christians in hot water. We focus on ourselves too much that we don’t realize how much damage we’re doing to the name of Jesus. Think carefully: can you think of someone who’s technically “secular”, but in reality is doing more good than self-proclaimed Christians? If you’re honest to yourself, you’d probably say yes, because there are a lot of good people out there who are not necessarily believers. You know why? Because they’re not afraid to put themselves on the line for other people, as opposed to those who say they follow Jesus but look too much on possible effects a situation might have on them that they end up not doing anything at all. Honestly, if in your heart, you know that it’s the will of God, then go with it! Things don’t always have to go by the book to be seen as “right” or “good.” That would be legalistic, and completely pointless, because faith is all about grace and not necessarily doctrine.

This kind of thinking is not just selfish, it’s also arrogant. Honestly, the reason why a lot of people look at Christians negatively is because of the air of self-righteousness. “Oh, I can’t associate with him, he smokes!” “Oh, I can’t spend too much time with her, she parties a lot and drinks!” Please. Get off your high horse! Just because someone’s different from you doesn’t mean that they have no rights! I loved the sermon given last Sunday. The priest talked about human dignity, that no matter who someone is, s/he deserves love and respect. And no, that’s not a worldly way of looking at it. Never forget that Jesus died for each and every one of us. It is not only for those who are in church, but especially for those who are not part of it. He came for those who are sick, not those who are well (Mk 2:17). If God didn’t care for those who haven’t come to know Him, then why is He willing to leave His flock in search for a single missing lamb? This is who God is. He is not organizations- or institutions-based, but focused on the well-being of His people, no matter what their relationship with Him is.

When you get down to it, this kind of thinking is damaging. Categorizing between the “holy ones” and the “secular people” is a big no-no. We have no right to classify which is good and which is bad, because all of us are under the power of grace. All of us are sinners who are dependent on the goodwill of God. Remove the labels. Take away the bigotry and the self-righteousness. Throw away the garbage.

This is when genuine love comes in, not only because you embrace everyone for who they are, including their flaws and imperfections, but also, that you see them and everything else in the light of God’s love. With this, we become less smitten with what appears on the surface level, but on what’s happening inside, to the core. Where everything becomes meaningful, and, in its own special way, beautiful.

Foolish Games

Foolish Games
Jewel

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

[Chorus]
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

[Chorus]
You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.



Nobody likes getting fooled. No one.

What Fools We Are

Only a foolish-looking fool could be fooled by such a foolish fool’s foolish dream.
- Franziska Von Karma, Phoenix Wright: Justice for All

And I'm one of the biggest fools of all.

'Nuff said.

Updates

It's been a long time since I last updated an entry. I miss writing here, maybe because, compared to the other ones that I update, this one's really my “sacred space”, my cyberhome, if you will. A place that actually has a slice of my life, and just a mere combination of the most random of things. Well, maybe this blog can get random, but I do try and get a few points across most of the time, and that's what matters in the end, right? Anyway, it's hard not being able to write here for a long time. I don't know where to begin. You know the feeling of losing touch with a close friend and then meeting them again, and you're not quite sure how to approach that person? It pretty much what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'm back to Square One, and I have to learn all over again how to get back on track here.

Anyway, some life updates. I'm still working in the same company that I was part of since November 2006. It's pretty fun. Some of the people who know me say that it's just “so me” to be part of something like this, but for me, it's just where the Lord wants me to be in right now, so I'll be here until He says so (and no, I still won't go and spell out the company name or the specific project I'm working on. Again, I don't want to be mauled alive by fangirls (and if ever, fanboys, but perish the thought).

I'm mixing work and school these days. I'm taking up my Masters in Psychology, particularly Counseling. It's a bit of a struggle, because my undergrad course was different from that one, and the professors seem to take it for granted that all their students have a Psychology background (which is understandable. Why would a non-Psychology major take it up for further studies anyway?) It's not the easiest thing in the world, so I really have to rely on God.

In terms of personal stuff, I guess a lot has happened these past months. It's really funny, because I think I've changed a lot since 2005, my turning-point year. Various factors caused this, and I'm not quite sure what to make of that. I mean, I'm the kind of person who would actually fight so as not to be able to lose a part of her personality, but then I find myself changing (and practically without my knowledge!) I'm still the same Lani, but there are some things that are, well, different. Again, I don't know for sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, honestly. Sure, some, I can appreciate, like having greater patience now, but for others, I'm not quite sure yet. It's too complicated and revealing (hey, just because I have this blog doesn't mean I have to spill out my guts here) to explain everything here, but it just seems that I've changed greatly in just about every aspect. Surface level, I'm still pretty much the same: bubbly, chirpy, and giggly – pretty much traits of a five-year old kid. Inside though, I'm becoming even more introverted (as if I wasn't , already. Those who say I'm extroverted definitely don't know me well enough). It's really strange, because it seems at times I'm fighting with myself, not in a psychotic way, but more in terms of attitude. I've been focused about my situation a lot of times the past months that I feel as though I'm being assimilated without knowing it. Or maybe I've been thinking about specific things so much that I failed to notice how much I'm getting affected by these. I don't know... I used to be comforted by the fact that I know who I am as a person, but I don't think I can say the same thing right now. Sure, I know what I'm standing up for, I know my principles, my belief, and my faith, but knowing how to approach these is a different thing. I guess I need some time to self-reflect, something I haven't done for a while.

One person I admire once wrote something, and I'd like to share what he stated. He mentions a devotional he's had some time, and he said that he was surprised that the message of God was something like He'd be sending rains of fire and lightning bolts to the sinful nation, and he'll be cutting the sinners off from their inheritance. Now, the writer goes and says that people who read that, and he counts himself as one of them, would probably be scared and immediately start reevaluating their lives on what part of their life they should change – or else. I'm sharing this because I've been feeling the same way, and getting the same messages (in terms of meaning, anyway). Suffice to say that I definitely don't want to be cut off from God. Getting to know Him from the very beginning has had a huge effect in my life, I don't even know where to begin how He's touched mine. Nothing could compare to that. I don't want to throw that away. I don't want to lose Him. He's the only sure thing I have in my life, and I'd be a fool if I were to let go of that. Lately, though, I've been thinking as the world does. I don't know when it began. I probably wouldn't be able to identify the exact same time that I started, because that's the way sin works. It starts with the seemingly little things, you know, compromising your Quiet Time because you just “have” to finish a task at hand. Pretty soon, it becomes much bigger than that, but you don't realize that it's already a huge thing because you started so small. I'm just thankful that the Lord woke me up before things got too far, because I was starting to turn to the world in more than just one aspect of my life. It's hard stuff, because in a way, I actually did want to succumb to that call, because I actually did want the things that were offered. Then the Lord gives me a heads-up, saying in no uncertain terms that if I didn't clean up my act, I'd be cutting Him off my life. That's harsh, but it's true. This is the first time that I actually could relate to what Paul was saying in Romans, about doing things even if he didn't want to. The ones who are rewarded are the ones who have persevered in the race, who never let up in their battle. It's not the ones who had a great start and then stopped to chat with the waterboys by the tree and enjoyed the shade so much that they just stayed there, never paying attention to the fact that they gave up on something that they actually trained for and aspired for a long time.

I guess I'm writing this entry for many reasons: to revive my blog, to mark my 21st birthday (hey, in some countries, this is the legal age, so I guess this marks a new beginning for me too), to give an update on what's going on with me, but most especially, to help me get back on track, especially since I don't have a handwritten one as of yet. In a way, I'm accountable to this blog, because it's a way for me to keep track of how I'm growing in faith and of what the Lord has been telling me. I guess that's a commitment that I'll try to keep this year: to update this, and not with silly online quizzes or random things. I want to write about things that matter. I don't know if it will help people, but I do know that it's a way for me to counsel myself.

Lord help me.

Trillanes is At It Again

People who know me are aware that I'm not GMA's (both the president and the network) biggest fan, but pulling off another Oakwood is definitely not the answer to this.

Gift List

Just because I don't want the person who has the (unfortunate) task of getting me a gift for the Singles conference next week during the Excellence Conference a hard time, I'd like to make a few, er, suggestions to help him/her out a bit.:P

• An optical mouse (a blue one, please :P)
• RAM for my computer (I wish!)
• Captivating or Wild at Heart by John and Stasi Eldredge
• Any book of the Time Quartet series by Madeleine L'Engle
• Plato's Symposium (and no, that's not a joke)
• Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, or The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis
• Hearts Ablaze by John Bevere
• Any book by Graham Greene
• Music by MxPx and Thousand Foot Krutch

Okay, so maybe these are kinda pricey, so just in case, here's a list of the general stuff that I'd like :P:

• A nice, huge bag
• A good headset for my computer
• Any good book, Christian or secular (if it belongs to the latter category, it would be nice if the genres are either fantasy - such as those written by Gabriel Garcia Marquez - or philosophical, particularly existentialism - non-fiction, such as the works written by Emmanuel Levinas, Gabriel Marcel, Jean-Paul Sartre, or Albert Camus - or fiction, such as those written by Milan Kundera)
• Good music (alternative or rock)
• Nothing Sanrio please!

I'll try and add more stuff to the list if I think of anything else.:p

A Stitch in Time Saves Blood (In Theory, At Least)

It's that time of the year again where I get to collect sicknesses from all over the place. I contracted a new allergy (I'm still not sure what it is, but my doctor was positive that it's caused by something I ate), I found out my eyes are now ready for LASIK surgery (which I don't really want to undergo, at least, not right now), and I had another wisdom tooth extracted.

It's in the last one that I want to talk about in this entry, so for those who have weak stomachs and are pretty sensitive about blood, I suggest that you stop reading now.

I've been having a problem with the lower right portion of my jaw this past month. Maybe that's also the reason for my frequent headaches/migraines, I really don't know. Sometimes, when I'd brush my teeth, that part would bleed (and I don't really think I'm heavy-handed when it comes to that). Add that to the fact that that part was really sensitive and tender that I could poke it with a finger and a part of it would wiggle, well... That would explain why I got worried and went to see a dentist about it. It's not that it hurt (well, not that much, anyway), but it was just really annoying.

The thing is, my siblings and I have gone to only two dentists in my lifetime, both of whom know us since we were kids. I don't mean to make them into security blankets or anything (I'm not really scared of dentists), but they're the ones I'm used to. The problem is, they're way over at Pangasinan, and I'm here at Manila. What's a girl with an aching jaw to do? Simple. Look for another dentist near her, so that's what I did.

Immediately after peeking in my mouth, the dentist went something like, "Okay, that tooth has got to come off." I expected that, but I didn't realize that it had to come out right then and there. Well, it didn't, really, because she had to call a dental surgeon to do it. In the meantime, I trooped over to my ENT, who was on a trip at that time but had a substitute, who was the one who said I had a throat allergy.

Anyway, when I got back to the dentist, the surgeon was already there, and without further ado, I plopped down the dental seat and let them at it.

Let me tell you, it's not an experience I want to go through again. Small chunks of my gums were removed, after which the surgeon noticed that it was already infected (you really don't want to know how bad it was) because of the impacted tooth. She got to poking and prodding the tooth, which really didn't want to come out (probably got the streak of stubbornness from its owner). A lot of blood was already coming out, not Kill Bill level, but enough that I got disturbed by it (and I'm not really that scared of blood). To top it off, either the anaesthesia wasn't strong enough, or the surgeon missed a spot, because I actually felt the extraction, and it wasn't nice. The operation wasn't all that long, but it was bad enough, and the wound deep enough that it had to be sewed so as to be able to heal. I really thought it was going to be smooth sailing (I had two of my wisdom teeth extracted at the same time last year, and it was over after around 15 minutes, and it didn't hurt that much after). I was wrong. Not only was it really painful and more bloody than the last time I had extractions, but ice cream even failed to make the day better for me. I really don't understand how one tooth could do much more damage than two teeth, although the dentist said that the lower third molars (har, that sounds so smart) are really harder to pull than the top ones.

Anyway, that's where my story ends. Come this Saturday, I'll be going back to have the stitches removed. I just hope the gum won't bleed crazily again.

I Bleed Blue

With 17 seconds (is that a sign?) remaining in the fourth quarter, Chris Tiu sank a three-pointer that gave the lead (and eventually the win) to Ateneo, 89-87, that was reminiscent of the "Hail Mary" shot made by Gec Chia on Season 65 of the UAAP.

It was such an awesome experience to watch a game live all over again. I can't help but laugh when I remember all the stunts we've pulled because of UAAP, including being hit on the head with green balloons and streamers (and no, that's not a joke), going to the Blue Eagle Gym at 5:00-5:30 a.m. to get tickets (only to see that there are at least 50 people in front of you), attending morning Philosophy classes in the morning instead of the actual class schedule just to watch a game, jumping from GA to Upper B, hanging out at the Moro Lorenzo... Those were good days.

Some staples of the game (especially if it's an Ateneo-La Salle one): suddenly being superstitious when you're not (like believing in lucky shirts, shoes, heck, even food), wearing blue (donning green on an AdMU-DLSU game is a crime - unless you're from Taft), heckling the players, heckling the crowds, heckling the referees (heckling is a must, and the third one being the most crucial - especially if they're making calls that seem to have been pulled from nowhere), sitting/standing as close to the Blue Babble Battalion/Band (the noisier, the better), watching the true-blue alumni giving their absolute all in cheering (and heckling, of course), singing the "Song for Mary" and shouting "Go Ateneo!" as second voice during the chorus...

Man, that rocked. And I want to do it again and again.

Twilight

Note: Sorry, I haven't been posting regularly. I've been doing some stuff, and I haven't really been focusing on my actual, personal blog (don't ask me what I mean by that). I've got a bunch of draft entries on my computer, and I'll try to post them as soon as I edit/finish writing these.

Anyway, I've posted a couple of poems that I've written just to keep in practice (and a product of boredom in a bus on my way home). These are pretty different from what I'm used to making, and it kind of follows "The Red Wheelbarrow" in terms of style (at least, in my head). I don't really know which kind I like best, just that these two aren't the same as the older ones.

---

Twilight
Shadows rise and fall
as the darkness
swallows the light
and makes it its own.
Hope tries
to bring a glimmer
in a blanketed atmosphere
and finds its answer
on the floors of heaven.

Solitude

The wind blows a leaf
astray from its brother
and it floats,
without direction
buffeted by a force
Stronger than its own
and drifts to places unknown.

Portrait of An Apology

Look what I've done
This picture I've painted
It looks like my heart
Or what still remains

Convinced of the weight
Your interpretations
Are not what I see
I wish they could be

- Jars of Clay, Portrait of an Apology

Ever tried to do something that you believed is good, but it ends up exploding in your face? That happened to me quite a number of times. No matter how good my intentions might be, the way I execute it leave a lot to be desired.

Most of the time, I find myself asking where I went wrong. After all, did I not want something good to happen out of it? Why did it fall apart? Other times (most especially the most recent one), I know exactly where I went wrong, and I think this is worse between the two.

I made a mistake very recently. I thought I was doing something good - until now, I know that what I wanted to achieve is really all right, even if it involves a bit of self-sacrifice. A part of me knew that I might just end up hurting someone with what I planned to do, but I guess I ignored that little voice, because I had my eyes focused on my goal. It's a mindset that assassins would be proud of: forgetting one's emotions just to achieve an objective. When I saw how much damage I've caused, though, I was crushed, not just because I was already hurting because of doing something that's against my nature, but because I know I've hurt someone that's really important to me. I know that in the long run, what I'm trying to do is going to be good. It's to fulfill a vow I've made a number of times already. It doesn't lessen the fact that I hurt someone though, and that I'm hurting as well. This will sound melodramatic, but a hundred apologies are not be enough, because it will never erase the pain I've caused. I would probably have the same mindset when I enter this kind of situation again, but I hope and pray that I'll be more sensitive and gentler, instead of acting as though I were flailing or smashing someone with a huge mallet.

May you learn from this lesson, Melanie.

Taylor

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Maybe Charles Darwin Got It Right…

Maybe man did evolve from monkeys.

I can imagine a lot of people raising their eyebrows because of that statement. After all, why would a Christian go and make such a ridiculous charge, even if the Bible explicitly stated that there is absolute truth in the creation story? Before you sharpen your pitchforks and take out your torches, allow me to explain this first, and then you can decide whether I should be burned at the stake or not.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs defines the levels of “nourishment” (for lack of a better term) that humans need to function well in society. Since it is an ordered structure, there definitely is an arrangement on how this goes. The most civilized of people are rich in all aspects, so much so that they can forego a part of what should be theirs for the sake of others in order to create a functioning society. When you remove all the upper “scales” of the ladder, and all you have left is the one on nourishment (food, shelter, etc.), a person is still able to move about. Take that away, though, and you make him/her hungry and/or needy in the process - s/he will then degenerate to the intellectual level of an animal.

On the other hand, St. Thomas Aquinas also had a ladder in his philosophy, which defines the order of the beings that exist. On the lowest rung are the inanimate objects, like rocks, which can’t really do anything. They’re just there. Second up on his scale are plants. While these are already living, they’re not really mobile in the sense that they can’t walk or run around, but they have the capacity to process food in their systems. Third are the animals (excluding humans). They most definitely exist, they can eat, and they’re very active in their movements. Lastly (since we’re not going to be focusing on transcendence here), we have the humans. What makes us so special that we’re placed on the highest rung? Simple. Because, based on theory, we have intelligence, which the other creatures lack.

Now, let’s put both theories together. Based on St. Thomas Aquinas’ theory, men are the highest of all creations because they can think. However, Maslow kind of provides a condition for that – humans are only the highest if they’re full. If their bellies become empty, then they take a mental step down the jolly stairs of Aquinas because they’ll be “animalistic” in their hunger – at least, until they become fed again, which brings them back into the polite world (whatever that means, anyway). Is that what it’s trying to say? Bringing the theory of evolution into the picture to further complicate things, are we really more alike with the primates that Darwin has repeatedly insisted we originated from? Are we really chimps who are just a little less hairy? Some would probably accuse me of false reasoning, because I’m taking these out of context. I think not, because, bluntly speaking, that is actually how society is functioning these days.

Just look around you. If Maslow were still alive, he’d be delighted at how many samples/specimen he can have for his studies. His theory states, or implies, that society would function well only insofar as the members donate a part of their “needs” so as to make the wheel churn smoothly. He’d have a field day if he’d just see what kind of people we are now: none who are willing to sacrifice even just a smallest bit of “have” for the sake of others. Heck, he can even have the (stereotypical?) government officials as his sample, and he’ll win a Nobel Prize for such an outstanding discovery, because they are the most well-known of the people who’d be willing to sacrifice the sake of the many for the sake of the few (meaning, him/herself, and maybe his/her immediate family – if they’re lucky).

We are such a selfish people. Deny it all you want, but that’s the truth. Dangle a piece of apple in a metropolitan sidewalk, and people would probably rush over to grab it, elbowing those who are in front of them just so they can have a bite. We are so concerned about what’s going to happen to me, myself, and I that we don’t care if we bulldoze over anyone along the way. What’s important is that I have the edge above the competition. My house should look more splendid than my neighbors’. My clothes should have the extra oomph compared to the other girls. If we don’t have these, we resort to backstabbing, talking negatively about that person to others, spreading rumors around about him/her – it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it’s just great that we’ve vindicated ourselves. Isn’t that a negative trait we Filipinos are infamous for : crab mentality?

Filipinos. I honestly love our country and its people. Really, I do. I’m amazed at our intelligence and our resilience, and how we’ve been blessed with such a beautiful state – but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is the reaction that I’m getting from you. Chances are, you scoff, and it doesn’t matter what race you belong to, and I would understand where that is coming from. After all, the Philippines is looked down really lowly by people, and even more hurtful, her own children. Corruption is prevalent, crime is rampant, and the people we put on pedestals are not those who are doing active work in helping bring about world peace, but the celebrities who’ve endorsed just about anything and everything (from chicken to epoxy, they probably have their faces emblazoned on just about every product known to man). I do understand, but it doesn’t mean that I agree.

I was talking with someone a few days ago, and he said something to the effect that he doesn’t want to be identified with Filipinos. In the Internet forums/games that he frequents, he doesn’t say that he’s one, and if someone asks, he’ll say something else. He hates the government for being so messed up. He hates the Philippine traffic. He hates the media, from the press to the movies to the TV shows. And in case you weren’t able to read between the lines, he’s a Filipino. The sad thing is, a huge portion of our people thinks like that already. They are ashamed to be associated with the country. I remember, whenever a law is passed regarding a specific group of people, a defense that a person can use would either to put himself with his people and say that the law is oppressive to them, or put himself squarely against them, saying that he is in no way like them. Putting it shortly, he’s disassociating himself from the rest, effectively expressing that he’s above them to be put in the same category as they are. Wow. Really nice people, I say. What is maddening and frustrating at the same time is that most people who’ve left the country (probably permanently) or those who are here but insult the Philippines for all they’re worth are actually the ones who can make a change in society, precisely because they have the means to do it (hegemony, in Marxist terms). Yet instead of instigating that change to make at least one condition better, they spread their poison for all their worth into complaining about this or that, cursing on and on about their hang-ups for the rest of the world to hear, etc. Instead of expending their energies into something worthwhile, such as helping those who are needy, they just rant their lungs off. If only they’d stop talking for even just a few hours and help a family who suffered from a bad storm repair their home, then it would make things even just a little bit better. If only they’d stop buying all those designer clothes, fancy gadgets and rubber slippers (worth more than P1,000) just so they’d look cool and trendy, then they could give the money to an NGO (Non-Government Office) so that they could give it to those who are in need, or better yet, they hand it to an impoverished family, the money of which could feed them for a number of days. If they could stop taking a cab or driving their cars and instead walk that short distance, they’d not only get the chance to exercise, but lessen the pollution that’s killing nature.

I honestly wish that the people’s eyes would be opened to this sad reality. While they enjoy their luxuries in life, a family of six is struggling to have something to eat each day. Our beautiful culture is losing its touch on the people because we think that the traditional stuff are “baduy” and “jologs,” and we’d prefer international films and sitcoms, very much. We’d prefer keeping for ourselves the few coins just because… Instead of handing it over to that little beggar boy by your car window who hasn’t had anything to eat since the night before.

I do realize that it’s not the fault of those who were born privileged for having that money. It only becomes a problem when it comes to how they’re going to be using it. Giving occasionally to charity isn’t enough, because a lot of times, they do it not for the sake of giving but for the publicity they’ll be receiving. Remember this: God has said that we are all part of the same body. Like ours, there are specific organs that work with each other not only to ensure that they themselves are working fine, but that everything’s ok, including the other parts. That means that we shouldn’t only ensure that we are fine, but that everyone else is doing alright too. By being alright, it’s not sufficient to say, “They’re alive, aren’t they?” and leave it at that. You’ll have to look after their well-being too. It’s time we realize that everything in our lives are there because we are to act as stewards: to take care of these for the real Owner, who’ll be coming soon. This not only includes money, people in our lives, and whatever possessions, but also anything and everything that surrounds us, including our country. Maybe if everyone cooperated, then that would make enormous positive changes, not only in terms of society, but on the living conditions and health (in all aspects) of people. Maybe then, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs could actually be fulfilled by each person.

And maybe, we become less like the primates of Charles Darwin, always looking for self-gratification and nothing else, and more like the people that God originally intended us to be: like Him (Gen 1:27).

1 Corinthians 12:20 “There are many parts, but one body.”

Down From The Hill

I went to the Ateneo during the weekend to check something out. Even though I was alone there, I had so much fun walking around, taking snapshots of just about anything and everything with my mobile phone (explains the low quality of the pics, but it's fine). Even though some of the photos pixelized, it's still ok. I wasn't there to go and take decent shots, I just did it for the sheer heck of it.:P I would've taken more, except that my phone died on me.@_@ Man, I acted like a tourist in my own school.:P That was really funny.

Another funny thing: I took more "background" shots during the weekend compared to the rest of my years in the Ateneo put together. Guess my priorities then were quite different, since I liked getting people's photos more back then.

Anyway, here are some of the photos. Hope you enjoy these.:P

The Batibot Tree in all its Batibot-y glory

This can be found on the walkway from Gate 2.5 to Faura or CTC/SOM. It always reminds me of the stone altar where Aslan was killed in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, for some reason.@_@

My favorite kind greenery (and I'm using the term loosely) on campus: the fire tree

The creepy statue of Fr. De La Costa, S.J. I love the Jesuits and all (thanks to them, I think like this today), but the statue's still disturbing.:O

Would you believe I fit quite comfortably under that footbridge, with lots of room to spare?:D That's one of my favorite college memories.:D