See You, Peter
Last week, I was able to watch two films on cable: “Finding Neverland” and “Peter Pan” (three guesses on what the connecting theme is.) It’s really amazing to be able to experience being a child again, even if it comes out only in what you see. You get to dream once again: of flying, of visiting a secret land only you and a few others know of, of fairies and pirates, of a place both mysterious and magical. In the end, however, the viewer, like Wendy, Michael, and Peter, has to go back to the real world to be who s/he is expected to be.
Is that really true, though? Do you have to get out of what your inner self is telling you just so you can live the way other people expect you to be? True, Wendy did come out of Neverland to grow up, but even when she became an adult, she was still able to see Peter. Why is that? Maybe because inside, she’s still the same child who first encountered Peter, and no matter how many years she’ll put on, she’ll always be that little girl whose window is always open for him to come in.
An existentialist philosopher once said that life is like waking up from a dream and entering a nightmare – it’s better to stay in a fantasy than end up living in something infinitely more difficult. That’s probably why a lot of people choose to escape from the world in their own way: some choose to rely on substances, others on people, and still a number immerse themselves into work. All of these, however, have the same goal: to avoid truly living. Sure, life is sweet, but it’s not all bubblegum and candy canes. At some points in your life, it’s inevitable that you feel pain. Some may experience it more, some less, but everyone goes through that. I know firsthand what it’s like to hurt, and believe me, pain is no laughing matter. Yet this is what makes us grow up, more than what mere years would give us, more than how many birthday candles we blow. It’s in our experiences that we are able to mature, and to be stronger people.
Growing up hurts. Physically, sure, it does. From the moment you get out of your mother’s womb, you feel pain already: the harshness of the light, being literally cut off from your mother, having to rely on your own system (at least normally) to function well so as to sustain you. As you grow up, you trip occasionally, and all that remains is to stand up, brush yourself off, and continue walking. It hurts to fall. You’ll end up bruising, scraping, wounding yourself a number of times, and even then, you can’t say you’re an expert walker. Yet you forge on, because you know you’re the only one who can walk for you. Your parents can only stand on the sidelines and watch you wobble and learn to stand on your own two feet. They might help you stand when you fall, but you’re the one who is supposed to learn from your own mistakes, not for them to analyze it for you and spoonfeed you. Pain is necessary for us to learn.
Speaking of spoonfeeding, Hebrews 5:11-14 has something to say about spiritual feeding. It speaks of baby Christians needing milk, but for those who are spiritually mature, solid food is what is called for. I was thinking about why of all metaphors this has been used, when it came to me: it’s not easy for children to be weaned from their bottles, is it? I never had the chance to take care of a baby in my life, but I imagine how difficult it is for the child to be separated from something that s/he takes comfort in, especially since this is what feeds them in the first place. Yet it is important for them to be taken off the bottle. Not only does excessive bottle feeding ruin teeth, but there’s only so much milk can do for them: the rest they have to get from solid food. When we were still baby Christians, we still had to be guided because we were still starting out. We still had no idea of the basic concepts of our faith, and that’s why someone has to take us by the hand to teach us. Yet as we grow more mature, we also should learn to stand up on our own and look for Him with our own eyes, ears, senses, everything that the Lord provided us with to find Him. We can’t remain on spiritual milk forever – that would mean that our faith is stagnant, and that would be an insult to Him. It’s like we’re saying that He’s only up to a certain level, and beyond that, we won’t learn anything from and about Him any longer. Our God is awesome and majestic. Give ten million years, and we probably would have barely scraped the surface of who He is, metaphorically speaking. He makes Himself known to us via His Word, the Spirit, other people, and also by our experiences. Like I said a while ago, we will end up hurting at certain points, but if we take the time to see what God is teaching us, these will cease to be burdens but moments where we can truly encounter Him and praise Him. A Christian author I read (I think it was David Jeremiah) wrote that it’s not so much in the times that we are happy do we glorify God, but in times of trial when we still choose to worship and glorify Him despite of what we’re going through.
What about Wendy and Peter? I dare say it’s still lovely to be a good sometimes.:D
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
Solitary Confinement
Trapped.
Walls all around.
Too dark.
Can’t breathe.
Where am I?
Why am I here?
Have to get out.
What have I done?
What can I do?
Hands are bleeding. Walls are too hard.
Where is everyone?
Is anyone there?
I can’t hear anyone.
Am I alone?
Is no one there to hold my hand?
No one to wipe my tears?
Does the sun still exist?
Streaming warmth lighting the world.
Do birds still chirp?
Nature’s orchestra delighting everyone.
A memory, or a dream?
Cold. So Cold.
Can anyone hear me?
Does anyone know I’m here?
Am I still alive?
Does anyone care?
Why are my cheeks wet?
Why am I breathing heavily?
Are you there?
Can you save me?
Help me.
I need your help.
Walls all around.
Too dark.
Can’t breathe.
Where am I?
Why am I here?
Have to get out.
What have I done?
What can I do?
Hands are bleeding. Walls are too hard.
Where is everyone?
Is anyone there?
I can’t hear anyone.
Am I alone?
Is no one there to hold my hand?
No one to wipe my tears?
Does the sun still exist?
Streaming warmth lighting the world.
Do birds still chirp?
Nature’s orchestra delighting everyone.
A memory, or a dream?
Cold. So Cold.
Can anyone hear me?
Does anyone know I’m here?
Am I still alive?
Does anyone care?
Why are my cheeks wet?
Why am I breathing heavily?
Are you there?
Can you save me?
Help me.
I need your help.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Present-Day Martyrs
Present-Day Martyrs
Let us talk about soap operas for a few minutes. You know, those shows on TV that are terribly formulaic: poor girl meets rich boy, they fall in love, and they swear to be with each other for all eternity. And they lived happily ever after? No! Or at least, not immediately. The girl has to suffer beyond belief first, under the dastardly villains who are so intent on wreaking havoc on her life, and usually for the most inane reasons. The heroine, however, does not react against them. The most she could do is to cry in her sleep, until a certain part in the plot wherein she finds the strength and nerve inside her to fight back (you can almost hear the viewers cheering for her as she slaps the face of her nemesis). Before she transforms into a lioness, however, she is the quintessential battered victim, not even saying “Ow!” when just about all of her hair has been forcefully yanked.
This is now the commonly-held perception of who a “martyr” is. The portrayal is almost always that of someone who is abused and does not do anything about it, not because it is his/her choice to remain quiet, but usually because she is scared of the possible consequences of her actions, if she decided to fight back. In short, “martyrs” are considered to be spineless jellyfish, not having any backbone to stand up for his/her own rights. Martyrdom is seen in such negative light nowadays. In fact, one of the common expressions here in the Philippines is “Masyado kang pa-martir!” or any of its derivations, usually said by someone berating a friend for being too cowardly, too silent, or (perish the thought) “too nice.”
With all that in mind, is there anyone in the world who would choose to be a martyr? The probable answer would be no, but the thing is, we’re not out to look what the world is saying, right? It presents martyrs as people who have no ability to stand up for themselves, to speak up, in essence, to be weak. All of those are lies. To prove that, let’s look into the biggest martyr the world has ever seen: Jesus Christ.
Was He unable to stand up for what He believed in? No. In fact, He did not care one whit what the people would do to Him, just as long as He is able to minister to these same individuals. He was utterly fearless, fulfilling His purpose, knowing that it would eventually lead to His death. Was He unable to speak for Himself? No. He went from place to place delivering the Father’s message, not being afraid of the maltreatment He would be receiving, and from the highest officials to boot. Did He cry alone in the corner when He was being persecuted? No. Instead, He went on to continue doing what he has to do, even with the knowledge that the next town might just bring Him more pain and suffering. That does not sound like someone who is weak.
The most prevalent characteristic of martyrs is meekness, and this should not be equated with weakness. I remember reading a devotional (I think it was written by David Jeremiah) that said that to be meek does not mean allowing one’s self to be a doormat, allowing other people to just trample you just because you can’t defend yourself. That implies submission because there is no other choice. Meekness implies a conscious decision to be exactly that. When you think about it, meek people actually have a stronger will than other people. Instead of giving in to their instinct to fight back, they temper that and choose not to respond. It’s not about having the courage not to fight back, but having the strength not to. What good would it do to retaliate, in the first place? In the long run, it does more harm than good, if it does any of the latter at all. It would, in fact, make things worse, because the both of you would have something against the other. Retaliation is pointless. Taking justice in your own hands does not accomplish anything, except that you would go out of your way to look for your own punishment for what you have done. One bad thing does not negate another. Is it also not a sign of pride why we want to get back to the person who has hurt us? It gives the “avenger” the satisfaction of not allowing another to have one over you, not allowing that person to be superior to you, to a degree. Is that really a good thing?
Even though the Lenten season has come and gone, I hope and pray that all of us would continue to share in the Passion of Jesus, His pain and suffering, and to do exactly what He has done: be a meek lamb.
Isaiah 50:6-7 “I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard; my face I did not shield from buffets and spitting. The Lord God is my help, therefore, I am not disgraced; I have set my face like flint, knowing that I shall not be put to shame.”
Let us talk about soap operas for a few minutes. You know, those shows on TV that are terribly formulaic: poor girl meets rich boy, they fall in love, and they swear to be with each other for all eternity. And they lived happily ever after? No! Or at least, not immediately. The girl has to suffer beyond belief first, under the dastardly villains who are so intent on wreaking havoc on her life, and usually for the most inane reasons. The heroine, however, does not react against them. The most she could do is to cry in her sleep, until a certain part in the plot wherein she finds the strength and nerve inside her to fight back (you can almost hear the viewers cheering for her as she slaps the face of her nemesis). Before she transforms into a lioness, however, she is the quintessential battered victim, not even saying “Ow!” when just about all of her hair has been forcefully yanked.
This is now the commonly-held perception of who a “martyr” is. The portrayal is almost always that of someone who is abused and does not do anything about it, not because it is his/her choice to remain quiet, but usually because she is scared of the possible consequences of her actions, if she decided to fight back. In short, “martyrs” are considered to be spineless jellyfish, not having any backbone to stand up for his/her own rights. Martyrdom is seen in such negative light nowadays. In fact, one of the common expressions here in the Philippines is “Masyado kang pa-martir!” or any of its derivations, usually said by someone berating a friend for being too cowardly, too silent, or (perish the thought) “too nice.”
With all that in mind, is there anyone in the world who would choose to be a martyr? The probable answer would be no, but the thing is, we’re not out to look what the world is saying, right? It presents martyrs as people who have no ability to stand up for themselves, to speak up, in essence, to be weak. All of those are lies. To prove that, let’s look into the biggest martyr the world has ever seen: Jesus Christ.
Was He unable to stand up for what He believed in? No. In fact, He did not care one whit what the people would do to Him, just as long as He is able to minister to these same individuals. He was utterly fearless, fulfilling His purpose, knowing that it would eventually lead to His death. Was He unable to speak for Himself? No. He went from place to place delivering the Father’s message, not being afraid of the maltreatment He would be receiving, and from the highest officials to boot. Did He cry alone in the corner when He was being persecuted? No. Instead, He went on to continue doing what he has to do, even with the knowledge that the next town might just bring Him more pain and suffering. That does not sound like someone who is weak.
The most prevalent characteristic of martyrs is meekness, and this should not be equated with weakness. I remember reading a devotional (I think it was written by David Jeremiah) that said that to be meek does not mean allowing one’s self to be a doormat, allowing other people to just trample you just because you can’t defend yourself. That implies submission because there is no other choice. Meekness implies a conscious decision to be exactly that. When you think about it, meek people actually have a stronger will than other people. Instead of giving in to their instinct to fight back, they temper that and choose not to respond. It’s not about having the courage not to fight back, but having the strength not to. What good would it do to retaliate, in the first place? In the long run, it does more harm than good, if it does any of the latter at all. It would, in fact, make things worse, because the both of you would have something against the other. Retaliation is pointless. Taking justice in your own hands does not accomplish anything, except that you would go out of your way to look for your own punishment for what you have done. One bad thing does not negate another. Is it also not a sign of pride why we want to get back to the person who has hurt us? It gives the “avenger” the satisfaction of not allowing another to have one over you, not allowing that person to be superior to you, to a degree. Is that really a good thing?
Even though the Lenten season has come and gone, I hope and pray that all of us would continue to share in the Passion of Jesus, His pain and suffering, and to do exactly what He has done: be a meek lamb.
Isaiah 50:6-7 “I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard; my face I did not shield from buffets and spitting. The Lord God is my help, therefore, I am not disgraced; I have set my face like flint, knowing that I shall not be put to shame.”
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Popping My Balloons
For those who already know me, you are probably aware of my compulsiveness regarding plans. I would not commit myself to anything that does not have a definite structure. I would prefer not to step out of the house if there is still no substantial idea on what actually is entailed in what I am supposed to do. I try to make contingency plans in case the original one explodes in my face in the middle of the execution of it. I’m pretty much a systematic person, in that I tend to think more of in bullet points rather than in something more hodge-podge.
That’s who I am. That’s what I’ve been used to for almost all my life. Before I even reached the latter half of my college years, I already made plans of entering law school. If I don’t pass, then grad school. If that does not work either, then I work, and the latter also has its own options. I wanted to go and write. If that’s not the way the wind blows, then I get into advertising. If that does not work either, I go corporate. I’ve always been used to having at least a tangible idea that I can work on. If there isn’t anything existing yet, I make one up. I dislike “winging it,” because it ruins the order I’ve worked on in my head. Anal, I know. Yet for me, I believe that it’s better for a person to already have a clear-cut plan instead of being totally clueless when already there. It’s one of the aspects of my personality that I consider as a “safety net” – something that I know I can always fall back on when things are difficulty.
Yet we know that God wants us to get out of our comfort zones, and this just happens to be quite a huge one for me.
All my life, I have known, or at least have some sort of an idea where I’ll be going. I always try and come up with a plan, and I try to organize the things that I’ll be doing for the day down to the last minute. Yet now, I’m completely clueless of what my future will hold, and this is a first for me. I absolutely have no idea where I’m going to be come June, and it scares me that I can’t foresee where I will be by that time. I’m scared, because this is outside of what I thought would happen, even with the contingency plans in my head.
The thing with law school is, you really have to be 100% committed when you’re in it. A little deviation from the straight line that you’re supposed to walk on, and you’ll find yourself in such a funk that is so hard to recover from. It’s not even in the difficulty of the subjects that a person will find problematic; it’s in the interest that you have in the course, and going all the way. No matter how difficult something is, if you truly enjoy what you’re doing, it would not seem as hard. I’ll be honest: I’m not happy. I’m really, really not happy, almost from the beginning that I went to law school. I honestly don’t think that this is for me, because my way of thinking is almost completely different from the way law should be looked into. The funny thing about this is that it’s something that I’ve always wanted, but when I got it, I want out.
One thing I’ve realized about myself is that education has become a crutch for me. I’m fortunate because I already have had a full-fledged education and even continually pursuing it, as opposed to a lot of people who have no means of sending themselves or their kids to school. In connection to the first statements I have made, I almost always dwell on concepts and theories, which is one of the reasons why I love philosophy. I love to analyze situations, and then try to go and figure out how to solve it. I have a very strong tendency to dwell in mind workings and rely on these heavily. The way I saw it, education is the only true answer to problems, excepting faith. Our country can only improve if there are more educated people in it who can go and help make things better. I can only help people achieve justice and improve their lives via a degree in law. I realized only recently that while it helps, it’s not really a catch-all solve-all to the world’s problems. It is important, but there are alternatives out there that can make you achieve your purpose. It’s not taking the short cut in this instance. Rather, it’s in listening to your heart and what the Lord is trying to teach you instead of just sticking to that single plan in your head which you considered to be the only thing worth fulfilling. He says that His ways are not our ways, and that is really true. We can make all sorts of beautiful plans in our head, but if it’s contrary to what He wants for us, He will not make what we expected happen. It’s a harsh reality check, but then again, He knows what is best for us. We can’t perceive what will actually happen in the future. Only He knows what will occur, and He wants us to have what is best, and that is why He brings us to the situations that we face. Does that mean, then, that I’m not scared that I don’t know what will happen? No. I still am, particularly if you put in other factors into consideration. I’m walking into a situation virtually blind, with absolutely no idea what to expect, no idea where I’ll find myself tomorrow. Yet He gave His word that He will take care of me, and I claim that.
God popped my balloons, those I filled with helium and expected to float for days. Maybe this eagerness to get out is also a balloon He’s just waiting to deflate, I really can’t say. All I know is that all throughout the year that I spent in law school, He already stuck a pin up a lot of the ones I hold in my hand, yet He continues to replace them with new ones, even more magnificent than the ones that popped.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”
That’s who I am. That’s what I’ve been used to for almost all my life. Before I even reached the latter half of my college years, I already made plans of entering law school. If I don’t pass, then grad school. If that does not work either, then I work, and the latter also has its own options. I wanted to go and write. If that’s not the way the wind blows, then I get into advertising. If that does not work either, I go corporate. I’ve always been used to having at least a tangible idea that I can work on. If there isn’t anything existing yet, I make one up. I dislike “winging it,” because it ruins the order I’ve worked on in my head. Anal, I know. Yet for me, I believe that it’s better for a person to already have a clear-cut plan instead of being totally clueless when already there. It’s one of the aspects of my personality that I consider as a “safety net” – something that I know I can always fall back on when things are difficulty.
Yet we know that God wants us to get out of our comfort zones, and this just happens to be quite a huge one for me.
All my life, I have known, or at least have some sort of an idea where I’ll be going. I always try and come up with a plan, and I try to organize the things that I’ll be doing for the day down to the last minute. Yet now, I’m completely clueless of what my future will hold, and this is a first for me. I absolutely have no idea where I’m going to be come June, and it scares me that I can’t foresee where I will be by that time. I’m scared, because this is outside of what I thought would happen, even with the contingency plans in my head.
The thing with law school is, you really have to be 100% committed when you’re in it. A little deviation from the straight line that you’re supposed to walk on, and you’ll find yourself in such a funk that is so hard to recover from. It’s not even in the difficulty of the subjects that a person will find problematic; it’s in the interest that you have in the course, and going all the way. No matter how difficult something is, if you truly enjoy what you’re doing, it would not seem as hard. I’ll be honest: I’m not happy. I’m really, really not happy, almost from the beginning that I went to law school. I honestly don’t think that this is for me, because my way of thinking is almost completely different from the way law should be looked into. The funny thing about this is that it’s something that I’ve always wanted, but when I got it, I want out.
One thing I’ve realized about myself is that education has become a crutch for me. I’m fortunate because I already have had a full-fledged education and even continually pursuing it, as opposed to a lot of people who have no means of sending themselves or their kids to school. In connection to the first statements I have made, I almost always dwell on concepts and theories, which is one of the reasons why I love philosophy. I love to analyze situations, and then try to go and figure out how to solve it. I have a very strong tendency to dwell in mind workings and rely on these heavily. The way I saw it, education is the only true answer to problems, excepting faith. Our country can only improve if there are more educated people in it who can go and help make things better. I can only help people achieve justice and improve their lives via a degree in law. I realized only recently that while it helps, it’s not really a catch-all solve-all to the world’s problems. It is important, but there are alternatives out there that can make you achieve your purpose. It’s not taking the short cut in this instance. Rather, it’s in listening to your heart and what the Lord is trying to teach you instead of just sticking to that single plan in your head which you considered to be the only thing worth fulfilling. He says that His ways are not our ways, and that is really true. We can make all sorts of beautiful plans in our head, but if it’s contrary to what He wants for us, He will not make what we expected happen. It’s a harsh reality check, but then again, He knows what is best for us. We can’t perceive what will actually happen in the future. Only He knows what will occur, and He wants us to have what is best, and that is why He brings us to the situations that we face. Does that mean, then, that I’m not scared that I don’t know what will happen? No. I still am, particularly if you put in other factors into consideration. I’m walking into a situation virtually blind, with absolutely no idea what to expect, no idea where I’ll find myself tomorrow. Yet He gave His word that He will take care of me, and I claim that.
God popped my balloons, those I filled with helium and expected to float for days. Maybe this eagerness to get out is also a balloon He’s just waiting to deflate, I really can’t say. All I know is that all throughout the year that I spent in law school, He already stuck a pin up a lot of the ones I hold in my hand, yet He continues to replace them with new ones, even more magnificent than the ones that popped.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”
I love you.
The sweetest sound anyone can hear
Way beyond “sorry” and “thank you”
I love you.
A cure for any infirmity
Heals a broken person, mends a broken heart
Heals a broken person, mends a broken heart
I love you.
Extends to the realm of grammar
When noun becomes verb and stays that way
I love you.
A genuine statement passing through my lips
A blessing that people might know they are special
I love you.
Not to accept the person for who he is
But to love him despite of what he is
But to love him despite of what he is
I love you.
Said from the deepest core of my being
Extends beyond feelings and suffuses everything that I am
Extends beyond feelings and suffuses everything that I am
I love you.
Small gestures become huge things
When you know these are offered from the heart
When you know these are offered from the heart
I love you.
When actions speak for themselves
And not words become unnecessary for what you want to say
And not words become unnecessary for what you want to say
I love you.
It cannot be stripped away
Rain may come, sun might shine, but my devotion remains with you
Rain may come, sun might shine, but my devotion remains with you
I love you.
A song and prayer of the heart
That people might know what you truly mean.
That people might know what you truly mean.
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