The Cost Of

Baseball caps, bowler hats, and top hats
In exchange for a thorny wreath of pain.

A team's slapping of backs after a victorious game
In exchange for whips and lashes upon a naked back.

Sneakers, high heels, and flip-flops
In exchange for bare, dusty feet trudging painfully, worn from a heavy burden.

Shouts of laughter and titters of joy, senseless chattering
In exchange for the jeers and taunts of His own people.

Clothing of cotton, silk, and velvet
In exchange for a blood-stained robe snatched from a bare back.

Various accessories: brooches, bracelets, and rings
In exchange for inches-long nails driven upon worn hands and feet.

Tickles between friends, between mother and children,
In exchange for painful thrusts of a spear on the side.

Manicured pets of all shapes, sizes, and colors
In exchange for the death of the sacrificial lamb.

Pumping iron in the gym, no clarity whether for health or vanity
In exchange for the One who bore the weight of the world.

The supreme sacrifice, the greatest love of all,
Is this what this has bought?

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POSTSCRIPT: God really spoke to me through this. I'd like to say that I didn't write this, but rather He used me as His instrument to come up with this, as He convicted me because of it.

Growing Pains

These past days, I'm going through another period of self-discovery (I seem to be having a lot of these nowadays). I posted an entry a few months back about life in law school; what I didn't include was the sheer difficulty I'm going through. It's not just the workload that's hard, although I can honestly say that this has been the hardest semester I have ever had in my entire life. What exacerbates it are the people. I'm not saying that they're really difficult to get along with. Au contraire. My block's pretty good. It's just that when you're there, you meet a wide variety of people who come from all walks of life (not just limited to students, or even to members of the college, for that matter), and let's face it, some of them can be cutthroats just to be on top. To put it bluntly: it's crab mentality personified. People desperately want to be up there that they do not care if they trample on somebody else's toes. If that's not bad enough, there are also people who act like they have no souls. If they are compassionate, they do a pretty good job of hiding it. A lot of times during the semester, I went on quitting mode. What kept going on and on in my mind was this line that was said to me during my interview for the college: "You are too young for law school." If it's hard to imagine, think about the old Globe commercial with the Ilocano speaking people, to the scene when Geoff Eigennmann (is that how you spell it?) realized that he was lost, and shouted, "Wala na akong load! [Wala na akong load, wala na akong load, wala na akong load (continuous echo)]." Yep, something to that effect. It just kept on going into my mind, and it doesn't help that it's really obvious that I'm different from the other people. Maybe I'm just feeding off my positive energy and my paranoia just makes me think like this, but I couldn't help but think (at least before) that maybe I am too young, maybe I have not reached that level of maturity that the other students possess. Let's be honest: I can be such a kid sometimes. It's a facade and defense that I have a tendency of using in all aspects of my life (yes, I psychoanalyzed myself. Sue me.) Yet I can't be like this all my life. I can't be a real-life Peter Pan who will never grow up (mayhap because I don't have any fairy dust, but I don't think that's it). I can't be like this mentally, or else I would end up putting myself down all the time. At the same time, I can't be like this spiritually. Growing up entails responsibility, and I can't keep on being like a child all the time, because everyone has to grow up sometime. One of the things that I have to do to continue this is to stop being such a whiner. I've mentioned before that I've already let it go, but apparently, it's not complete withdrawal yet, because I catch myself complaining again. One of the most important things I learned this week is found in James 1: 2 - "Consider it all joy when you encounter trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." All things in our life are allowed in our lives by God so as to mold us to become images of our Lord, and it's up to us to act on these. Someone said to me that reaction is totally different from response, because the latter entails actual reasoning and not allowing one's impulses to control you, as what the former would result to. It's not glorifying God if I kept on going like this, because it's as if I don't trust Him to take control. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that His grace is sufficient in our weakness. Mt 6:34 says that we shouldn't worry about tomorrow anymore. I claim to be Christian, but if other people see me grumbling and complaining, that wouldn't be a good reflection of God.
To make this long story short, I need to grow up. By His Grace.

Transitions

Glistening white mass
Tinsel, hot chocolate, and hung stockings
Delight of children
Yet You are the source of greater joy.

Bright, blooming flowers with the loveliest scents
Birds chirping, grass growing
Respite after a cold season
Yet You provide more warmth and shelter.

Sun's rays an invitation in itself
Colorful umbrellas, bouncing balls all over the place
Sun-worshippers bask in the heat
Yet You are our Worship, and we bask in Your great love.

Gusts of wind, whispers of cold
Drifting leaves the beauty of nature
A symbol of impending leaves
Yet You shed the brightest scarlet for life.

Our Father

Majestic Ruler of the Heavens,
I worship You.
The Holy One,
I bless You.
Provider of All,
I thank You.
The Great Forgiver,
I praise You.
Our Father,
I love You.

Stumble

Light was shown, allowed inside
Basking in such amazing love
Yet time passes, and I find myself
Falling from the same rocks I stumbled upon.

Believing in myself, confident in my strength
I find myself falling fast and hard
With no guarantees of a soft landing
Looking back at You, I find sorrow.

I am weak, Father, and completely unwise
Trusting my own intelligence, I become a fool
Secure in my abilities, I flounder
Pride eating up my soul, forgetting where security lies in

Time and time again I fall
The epitome of human downfall
Yet time and time You sustained me
Crucified, You lifted me up

I am Yours, Father, my Sure Foundation
You've set me free from things strangling me
Teach me to let go, to surrender
All that is binding me, keeping me away

May I find strength in You
Might I realize Your Majesty
Might I see that it is You who reigns
Might I find refreshing in You.