I love you.

The sweetest sound anyone can hear
Way beyond “sorry” and “thank you”

I love you.

A cure for any infirmity
Heals a broken person, mends a broken heart

I love you.

Extends to the realm of grammar
When noun becomes verb and stays that way

I love you.

A genuine statement passing through my lips
A blessing that people might know they are special

I love you.

Not to accept the person for who he is
But to love him despite of what he is

I love you.

Said from the deepest core of my being
Extends beyond feelings and suffuses everything that I am

I love you.

Small gestures become huge things
When you know these are offered from the heart

I love you.

When actions speak for themselves
And not words become unnecessary for what you want to say

I love you.

It cannot be stripped away
Rain may come, sun might shine, but my devotion remains with you

I love you.

A song and prayer of the heart
That people might know what you truly mean.

When Change is Beautiful

Unlike a lot of people in the world today, I’m really not the best person to adapt to change. While some may revel in the various shifts in their lives day by day, I find myself dreading to see what exactly will change from my schedule. It’s not like I enjoy routine – far from it. Too much of a boxed life will probably make me end up screaming my head off and running away to the opposite direction. It’s just that, sometimes, I don’t like the nice clean schedule in my head go awry for something I totally did not expect to happen. Just when you think you’ve got a contingency for every little eventuality you could think of planned and set up already, along comes a circumstance that is so out there that the possibility of it happening is probably one in a million chances, and voila, it is the millionth chance! The unexpected always happens.

These past months, I’ve seen so many changes happen: a lot of them good, but the not-so-good ones also cannot be avoided. It’s quite funny how you can actually think you’ve got everything all figured out only to have everything blow up in your face. You take for granted things that you assume will remain constant forever, only to see that it is dynamic, and it will change in the exact moment you expected it to be still. The only constant thing is change. How true can it get? One can live an extremely paranoid life if all one does is to expect just what exactly will change. The amazing thing is that God did not make us that way. For sure, we might become just a bit jumpy when something unfamiliar happens, but at least we don’t scream hysterically when something shifts. We adjust to what’s happening. Grudgingly sometimes, out of no other choice, perhaps, but we do go with what is taking place. In effect, as the world changes, so do we change. So should we change. We’re not meant to be the exact same persons as we were a year ago, heck, even a day ago. We might not notice that we are, but we do. No one can step in the same river twice. How can that happen, when the person stepping and the river itself have changed in the interval?

I’ve thought about why people seem so averse to changes. I guess it’s primarily the disturbance it causes in the neat little world we have knitted ourselves, and that it threatens to unravel all that we have worked hard on. Good or bad, it endangers the safe little bubble we made. It puts us in danger of being thrust from our security, our comfort zones, into somewhere unfamiliar. For those who are like me who want to dissect the details of the situation they are in (read: overanalyzing), this is particularly difficult. Before we jump into something, we would want to understand every nook and cranny, turn the situation upside-down and inside-out, and visualize the situation and imagine all possible scenarios before making a decision. Yet sometimes, we don’t have the luxury of checking it out before we are thrust into it. We only find ourselves analyzing it only after it has occurred. Doesn’t beat examining it beforehand, but at least it’s better than nothing, right?

Recently, I’ve been experiencing a lot of changes. Though some are internal, most are from external sources that still affect my system. Certainly, a lot of it is good, but all are really unexpected. Sometimes, I’d find myself grinning bemusedly over what just happened, not certain what exactly occurred, but being inanely pleased about it. God has been so good to me, for always listening and being there when I need Him. Just recently, I got amazed upon seeing just how differently He has changed my perspective. I’d see the things going on around me as being willed by Him to happen, to help me grow as a person, to teach me lessons in life, to enjoy His love and devotion. I’d see little miracles happen; things that I did not expect would occur in the next ten million years would materialize before my very eyes. A lot of beautiful things have been happening, I won’t deny that. Yet what I also cannot deny is the fact that maybe, just maybe, God allowed those things to happen, but He does not will for a person to have something related to that, or at least, not yet. Maybe He allowed that as a preparation for something even more beautiful, but in our haste to get what we want, we end up preempting Him. In effect, we grab the blanket even before it has been offered to us. Maybe the Lord allowed it to happen for us to learn and to prepare for what He has in store for us. Maybe it’s a test that He’s allowed to happen, to see whether, when offered something really tempting, we’d forsake our devotion to Him for something that gives us probably only a quick fix. He says in Matthew 6:33. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these will be given to you.” The message can also be found in Psalm 37:4: “Delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desire.” What He is saying is that He should always be first above everything else. When change happens in our lives, we should not limit ourselves to seeing it in a limited sense; instead, we look beyond, to the horizon, that God brought us there in that exact time and place for a reason, and we can choose to learn from it, or just perceive it as the world perceives it: as something isolated from everything else. That is why change can be beautiful, when we know that it has been brought by Someone who desires what is best for us and loves us unconditionally. It’s always Him first. The verses were constructed that way for a reason. Furthermore, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is an appointed time for everything. When something happens in our lives, we can’t go and second-guess what the Lord wants for us. What I truly believe in is that everything happens for a reason. What is indispensable in that equation is that everything happens in a certain time, and in a certain place, for a reason. It is not by mere accident that we find ourselves in the situation we are placed in. There is a purpose for that, and I pray that we always find that purpose. There is a right time and a right place for something right. If God really wants something to happen in our lives, then He will make a way for that to happen, and no force can take that away. It is in our response to that situation that our faith and devotion can be seen.


I hear you whisper
Calling out my name
I turn and search for you
Your presence is the only thing I desire

Words are meaningless
Circumstances but a mere memory
What I treasure is time with you
And no one can take that away from us

Every moment I spend with you is bliss
Yet I find myself looking for more
I thirst for you, long to hear your voice
Home is where you are

The more I come to know you
The more I am drawn to know you more
What I know about you is never enough
But I am sure that everything about you is simply beautiful

The world is filled with uncertainty
Pain and suffering lurk in every corner
But I know where comfort from all the anguish lies
Tucked in the cradle of your loving arms

Life is but a breath
But I would spend my first or last on you
A million years I will give up
For even just a single day spent with you

Some Updates

So I can't think of a creative title. Sue me.

Haha! In all actuality, I haven't really been in tune with the right side of my brain. I could say that it's because everything's starting to get a little crazy it's already crunch time in school, but the truth is, I really can't write anything creative. Or think about anything creative. I guess I subconsciously felt I needed the brain space, so I (hopefully temporarily) flushed out all forms of creativity and resigned myself to (try to be) more logical these next few weeks.

First of all, I really just want to praise and thank God for a great semester. Now that it's coming to an end, I just want to express my gratitude to Him for making this so much better than what happened last semester. Thank God also for the upcoming end of the school year. Even if I have not learned a single iota in school itself (perish the thought), He's really taught me so many things this past year that no amount of books could compare to the experience of knowing Him more.

Second, I also thank the Lord for being so faithful and devoted. I finally said "Yes" to His command, and after that, I realized how He's just there waiting for us to acknowledge Him and to honor Him by obeying His command. When I finally answered, I really saw that He's really working and that He's just waiting for us to assent to His call to be His servants (Rev 3:20).

Third, I just praise and thank Him for all the things He's been doing for me. Whenever I need the strength, He's there to aid me. When I need someone to listen, He's there with a ready ear. When I need wisdom, He's there to clear my mind of random, skittering thoughts. He's always there, and He's blessing me so much, in just about every aspect of my life. He really knows what's best for all of us, and He's going to be there to provide what is best for us.

Lastly, I praise Him for the opportunities He gives to be able to serve Him, and I thank Him for a compassionate heart. I also thank Him for the times when He granted me sorely-needed patience instead of blowing up, and for making sure of the safety of all people.

That's about it. It's not saying much, but I feel that I need to write, no matter what. I'm pretty tired right now, and would probably progressively grow more exhausted as the days pass, but it's alright. If He wants me to be somewhere, sometime, someday, then let His will be done.

Mounting Frustration

So.

Proclamation No. 1017 has already been lifted.

So.

Are we now supposed to go back to the way things were, as though nothing happened?

I hope not.

First, something did happen. People's rights were not merely trampled upon, but were virtually steamrollered. For a day short of a week, we were under pseudo-martial law, and I think the reason why most people did not blink about it was that it went under a different name.

Second, I do not want to go back to the way things were, if it means having to wake up everyday, being scared that another threat to national security (the government, or the people, whichever way your mind is directed to) would materialize.

It's ironic to think that during EDSA Revolution, Marcos was removed from his position and ended martial law (sure, he declared martial law to be lifted a few years before 1986, but that seemed a sham), and exactly 20 years after, we become subjected to something almost similar to that.

We have gone through a lot of different oppressors, both foreign and local, in our history. Though we have prevailed and are still standing right now, it seems that every time this happens, a small part of us gets amputated, never to be returned again.

This is the third time GMA declared that we are in a state of national emergency, and also the third time she lifted it - (coincidentally) before the case regarding the proclamation's constitutionality could reach the courts.

Given all these just made me think. Will we never learn from our mistakes? Will we always go through the same thing over and over again (as a telenovela on TV is entitled)? I know for a fact that Filipinos are not stupid; I honestly think that our race is made up of quite intelligent and resourceful people. Yet why do we never learn? Is it the famous Filipino hospitality, to the extent that we actually welcome all these, even if it brings us pain? If so, then that goes beyond hospitality and enters the realm of masochism.

Personally, I do not believe in rallies. I might agree with some of the reasons that people have when they go out to the streets, but I'm not comfortable with the means chosen. Rallying always brings the threat that this would be another EDSA Revolution, and I'm actually scared that the Philippines will reach EDSA No. 250, and people are still discontented. In short, there is a very real possibility that we will never outgrow this, and we are actually faced with the idea that every president may always be deposed/disposed of via this. I think that people are getting way too comfortable with the idea that we have this much power, that they do not really think carefully on who to elect, since, as a fallback, "we can always go to EDSA).

A person cannot please everybody - that's one of the major things I've learned in life, but what s/he can do is do the best that s/he can, and to outweigh the dissenters with those who are at least satisfied with the way things are.

So.

What do we do now?

On Bad Jokes and Coups

A couple months’ back, I jokingly made two comments that, if told at the present time, would be in really bad taste. First was the wish for a coup attempt so that classes would be suspended; second would be my wish that I could observe martial law. I know just how horrible those comments were given this context now, but I ask for mitigation, considering that the former was a result of a lack of sleep and two- or three-inch thick readings for Constitutional Law. The latter, meanwhile, is one of my fascinations for the longest time; there’s something about the Marcos period that just pulls my interest, particularly since I was born after his time as president/monarch/dictator (weird, I know, but then, what is normal?).

I guess they really were right when they said, “Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true.” The first “joke” came true; the second, something akin to it is happening right now. For me, however, the present-day form is much worse than that horrific ruling the Philippines was forced to endure three decades ago. With martial law, at least you know where you’re standing. There are clear-cut boundaries made already – people know whether they’re violating laws or not. Now, with GMA’s declaration of “state of national emergency” in Proclamation 1017, coupled with General Order No. 5 (which directs the AFP and the PNP to carry out whatever means necessary to suppress terrorism and lawless violence), there are no visible lines that tell people what to do and what not to do. Rallies have been banned, numerous people have been arrested without warrants, and a newspaper office has been raided, with the other media threatened to be subject to the same (or worse) if they fail to conform with so-called “government standards” (whatever that means) – all of these done ostensibly in accordance to Proclamation 1017. What has it accomplished so far? The only thing I can see is that it has deprived people of their rights. The government cannot put up the defense that those are not rights, but privileges that they are “regulating,” because these aren’t privileges. These are rights inherent in every Filipino – freedom of the press, freedom of speech. Even warrantless arrests are prohibited under the Bill of Rights. All of these amount not only to a deprivation of these rights, but also that of due process. With Proclamation 1017, people can get thrown in jail without a trial. That’s distinctly unfair. Some might say that those people got what they deserve, but I beg to disagree. No one deserves that. Might as well throw out the Bill of Rights out the window if that’s what you’re going to do. A blockmate said that it is the government’s task to regulate the rights of the people. Right now, what it’s doing is not mere regulating, but completely junking it. You deprive these people of something they hold dear, probably the only thing that they can boast of as truly theirs.

GMA said that she allowed this because of all the mess going on around the Philippines, but I ask you, has it subsided since the declaration? No. Au contraire. A lot of people have taken to the streets even more now, not only for the rescission of such proclamation, but also for GMA to step down. Personally, I really hope that she would, if not because she’s not really supposed to be the “real” president of the Philippines (arrovo comes to mind), for the peace that her stepping down would bring. I’d be honest, I’ve stopped being a GMA supporter since approximately when I was a sophomore in college, when she declared to the entire world that the Philippines is an ally of the US of A. For me, that has got to be one of the most egg-headed thing that she could have done. First, it brings our country in the direct line of fire of the enemies of America. Second, what can the Philippines boast of as its defense system? I don’t mean to insult the National Defense, or the Armed Forces, but the probability that the country can stand its ground is practically nil, nada, zilch. Third, if it’s one thing that I hate, it’s suck-ups, and GMA proved to be one of the biggest suck-ups when she made that declaration. Fourth, even if she allied the Philippines to the USA, what guarantee does she have that America would come to our aid? And even if it did, would that not be an encroachment of the sovereignty of the Philippines, because it proves that we cannot stand on our own two feet? I don’t want to insult the leader of the country, but that was just egg-headed. Back to the present. She said that she would step down if anyone would give a better alternative on who would lead the country, and she implied that so far, no one looks fitting for the position. I agree with that speaker who said that that statement is an insult to the intellect of the Filipino people. There are how many million Filipinos right now, and she says no one is capacitated to take over? Come on. Either she underestimates Filipinos, or she has a really inflated view of herself. There’s no one better? What about the one sitting right now? Is she the better choice? Is that really the mandate of the people why she’s there to begin with? This is a really frustrating part; why the people can’t think of someone better. A part of the problem would be because they are looking at the direction of the same old people who are always involved in the power plays. How do we know that the next ruler can be found there and not somewhere else?

A huge part of the problem is, those people who want to take over the presidency are those who have ulterior motives – it’s always a “me” thing for them. They think about what they’ll be getting out of it that they don’t realize that the Philippines is bleeding so badly. The people are really hurting, whether they realize it or not. Another sad thing is that out of those people, a lot are too apathetic to do anything about the situation – or they (pretend to) not care. They’re the ones who are directly affected by it, but they’re not reacting. Wake up, people! It’s your country that’s dying right now! If you don’t care about the Philippines, then think about what’s going to happen to you! You can always say migration is always an option, but would other countries accept more Filipinos, when almost everyone is trying to escape the tumult? The Philippines does not really hold all that good a position in international eyes right now.

A sticky question that I’ve been asking myself for the past few days is, if I can do something to help the situation, what would it be? To do what is good, or to do what is right? To do what is good would be to just shut up and not to add to the mess that’s going on right now, because I’d end up being another nuisance. To do what is right would be do what I can to put an end to all these, and that means run the risk of, if not being directly subversive to the government, be an inciter. Heck, maybe I’d be imprisoned for all that I have said in this entry, never mind that I’m really upset, have been upset, these past days about the current situation. Maybe I’d be imprisoned for signing that freedom board in school that asks students who are against Proclamation 1017 to jot down their names there. Or maybe I’ll just be taken as some angsty student who’s venting her spleen for nothing. Right now, however, I just don’t care about these. The country’s suffering so much right now, and I’d rather it be relieved of its burden. Personally, however, I’m not all that comfortable with taking to the streets. I don’t believe in going and having an EDSA (insert number here) whenever we’re not comfortable with the Chief Executive. It’s an abuse of the so-called people power if that’s the only solution the citizens could think of. The situation’s turning into such a vicious cycle, and I don’t know if the Philippines has it in her to break it.

As far as jokes go, this is one of the least humorous. And honestly, I don’t think I can truly laugh while this situation is going on. I just can’t. I might end up looking as though I’m still the same, but I haven’t, for these past days. I can’t, knowing how horrible are. I can’t, because I feel the other people’s pain as my own.

Lord, I pray for our country. I pray for those who are in office to come and know You, Lord, and let them stop thinking about their own selves and instead seek what Your will is for them. Let them do their respective tasks according to the purpose that You’ve called them. Lord, I pray that Your blood cover the country, and save us from destroying what You have given us. You are the Great Healer, Lord, and I claim Your healing for this land.