Worlds Apart

2010 Elections

2010-05-11T20:35:00.001+08:00

As I type this, I've got a lot of things on my mind: my second set of comprehensive exams this Saturday (please pray for me), my presentation paper, my practicum, and part-time work - all personal matters, which pale in comparison with the one that's at the forefront right now: the 2010 elections.

This was the first time that I voted (I was supposed to back in 2007, but because of the proverbial red tape, I wasn't able to register). People who know me are familiar with the fact that I tend to obsess with things that I focus on, be it shallow or deep. This is no different, and I find myself not focusing so much on schoolwork at this crucial point in my academic life when there are bigger things that I need to focus on, and I can't help but sit in front of the television waiting for the latest updates on the polls. It's not just because I'm proud to be a Filipino, because I am. It's not just because I am anti-GMA/Administration (heck, I've been against her since she was the country's VP) and I'm supporting people from the Opposition. It's because I truly believe that this year's presidential elections will bring about major changes in the Philippines, perhaps more so than the previous ones.

We've already seen some of these changes even prior to the actual elections itself. Obviously, this is the first time that voting will be made electronic. That's a given. The other change that I'm talking about is the proactive-ness of people. It heartens me that the youth are not as apathetic as we are accused to be. This election period proved that we do know what our rights and responsibilities are, and we know how to stand up for them. No matter what our political stance is, we are making a stand on who we are rooting for, and, at least for the presidential and vice-presidential positions, it's not a matter of popularity, but really on what the candidates' platforms are, and that's amazing. We stated who our political choices are out loud, without shame. I don't know if anyone's noticed, but this year's elections seems to have been taken to heart by the people, because this time, it's not just a random voting thing. This time, it's personal. You can't walk along a single block without seeing political paraphernalia promoting a certain candidate. Whereas before where people seem timid to declare who they're voting for, this year saw people almost aggressively shouting out (literally and figuratively) their political affiliations, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, because in that way, people learn. Speaking out is the first step in finding out more information, and if someone doesn't agree, then a healthy debate is in order (of course, there are the political extremists who believe in using firearms and violence to settle this. Those people are outliers and deserve to be locked up.) For me, my support goes to the Liberal party: for Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas, and most of their Senatoriables. It's not because they're the popular choice, but because I honestly believe in their platforms, in their ideals, and in their propositions. You might argue that Noynoy is a political lightweight, and I would agree, but being one doesn't necessarily mean that he does not have the capacity to be able to run this country. We've already had our share of popular/masa (Erap) and explicitly highly intelligent (GMA) candidates (that's not saying that I think Noy's less intelligent than GMA, rather, he's not as arrogant about it as her). Maybe it's time we go for someone who does not boast about how smart he is or how popular he is, but someone who is honest and decent. The man sounds sincere about what he's saying, and call me gullible, but I believe in him. Plain and simple, I believe in his and his running mate's words that they want to make this country better, and they'll start by taking out the bad apples in the basket. They have a clear idea of what they want to do, and I support them all the way, no matter what mudslinging thrown their way.

One change that we're seeing right now is the fact that people's eyes are glued on to the bars indicating the votes for VP. Ordinarily, they would focus more on the presidential elections, but since it's practically a landslide victory in that department (and thank God for that!), the next highest position in the country is in the limelight. I have nothing against Binay. I admire his work in improving Makati, but really, my vote's for Mar Roxas, and I honestly hope that he would be able to catch up. Hell, I've been teary-eyed almost the entire day (and I haven't cried in a while, and I don't consider myself to cry easily) when I saw how much lead Binay has over Mar. The Lord willing that Mar pulls through at the eleventh hour. I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow account why I think he's better, but I do think that he can do more. Plus, he wants the position - and he deserves it, and his credentials show why exactly he should be the one to be the country's VP. Also, like his running mate, I believe in his sincerity. Furthermore, I think that if the LP candidates take the top two positions, the dreams we have of change in the country really will happen, because what they're saying is not just lip service. An Aquino-Binay teamup is too fuzzy a concept to bank my faith on at this point.

Sadly, as much as we would want change, others don't seem to, because they appear to not have learned from past lessons. The leading candidates for the senatorial positions are a testament to that. My mind still can't wrap around the fact that Bong Revilla, Lito Lapid, and Tito Sotto are up there in the top 12 slots. I mean, honestly. Philippines, haven't we learned our lesson yet? Buti sana if the celebrity candidates actually have something to bring to the table (like Herbert Bautista), but honestly, these reelectionists have no right to be in the Senate. What have they done when they were sitting there, anyway? Tito Sotto is one of the people known for his absences in the sessions, and you want him back? Bong Revilla skipped a session (conveniently the one where Manny Villar's C5 case was supposed to be presented) to attend a bloody fiesta? Don't even get me started on Lito Lapid. Honestly, people, why? Don't even give me that crap about "the next time". These people will be sitting in those positions for at least three years. You're voting them to be the country's lawmakers, not just to sit idly on their bums. It's your money that's paying them. Why are you practically handing your hard-earned cash to them? It's like you're giving alms to people richer than you are! Honestly, I can't come up with the words to show my disgust and disappointment where this is concerned. I'm really hoping for a reversal of this when the unaccounted votes come in, but based on the numbers, sickening as it is, it doesn't seem that things won't change in this department.

Lord, just help our country, please. It's high time things change here.

2010

2009-09-09T08:31:00.001+08:00

Can't believe I'm giddy over politics.

Being a post-Martial Law baby, this is the first time that I've actually become hopeful of the political situation in the Philippines.

Thanks, But It Ain't Us

2009-03-05T10:45:00.000+08:00

As much as I'm flattered that you think we're behind this, we're not. Believe me, I find it a compliment that you'd even suspect us of being the reason about it, but people, he's a big boy. He can make decisions for himself (and for the better, mind you.)

We're not going to take credit where credit's not due, so, sorry. Go blame someone else. I suggest you look in the mirror to start your search.

Ta ta.

Masarap Maging Atenista!

2008-09-30T23:56:00.007+08:00

Bakit kamo? Ang mga susunod ay ang aking mga rason:

1. Dahil alam namin na parating meron;
2. Dahil lahat ng tao mahal namin, mapa-anong edad, mapa-babae ka man o lalaki, o mapa-anong kulay ka man (kahit na berde ka, ayos pa rin!);
3. Dahil mahal namin ang mga puno;
4. Dahil maganda ang kulay asul; at
5. Dahil panalo kami sa UAAP Season 71!

Biruin mo, sa sobrang sarap na maging Atenista, kahit mga hindi Atenista, nakiki-Ateneo na rin! Hay, ang mga tao talaga. Ang sarap asarin ang mga ilan sa kanila, "Oy, Nene, anong grade ka pa lang?" Haha! Oo na, masama na, pero nakakatawa pa ring isipin na sa isang selebrasyon na gawa ng Atenista para sa kapwa nilang mga Atenista, halos kalahati ng dumalo ay hindi Atenista. Ang saya! Pero ayos lang, dahil nga sabi ko sa #2, lahat ng tao tatanggapin at mamahalin namin. Atenista kami e, men and women for others, kaya dapat maging mapagbigay. Sabagay, sinuportahan naman rin nila si Chris Tiu, ay, este, ang lahat ng Blue Eagles at si Norman Black, kaya panalo na rin sila.:p Hindi nga ba, the more, the merrier?:p

Ang masasabi ko lang, mabuhay kayo, Ateneo Blue Eagles! Rabah Al-Hussaini, Nonoy Austria, Mike Baldos, Ryan Buenafe, Vince Burke, Justin Chua, Yuri Escueta, Zagz Gonzaga, Kirk Long, Jobe Nkemakolam, Jai Reyes, Eric Salamat, Nico Salva, Chris Sumalinog, and Chris Tiu - salamat sa inyong lahat! Mga tunay kayong mga alamat. Kay Yuri at Chris, mabuhay kayo! Sa mga iba, sana maulit uli sa susunod na taon.:D Pero kung hindi naman (nawa'y hindi, pero hindi natin alam ang mga susunod na mangyayari), sa Ateneo pa rin ako! Ika nga natin, win or lose, it's the school we choose. Kung ito'y isasalin natin, "Manalo, matalo, sa Ateneo pa rin ako!"

Go Ateneo, One Big Fight!

2008-09-26T16:16:00.002+08:00

Woot! After six years, we finally got back the crown! Congratulations to the Ateneo Blue Eagles of UAAP Season 71! You've made all of us proud!

See you all at the bonfire! The first one (2002) was great, but this is going to be amazing!

Our Manifesto

2008-05-08T16:55:00.007+08:00

The Twelve Commandments of Free Faith

Faith is free. It is not something that we work for, but given by God by His grace.

Matthew 6:30 If God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

The church is for everyone. Salvation is available to anyone who come to meet God.

1 Corinthians 12:12-13 For even as the body is one and yet has many members, and all the members of the body, though they are many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

1 Corinthians 3:10-11 According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it. For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Love is not conditional. Each person deserves to be loved, no matter where they are coming from.

Romans 3:9 Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin.

It is Jesus who calls, not humans. No one other than Jesus can say what one’s calling is.

Matthew 9:35 Jesus was going through all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness.

The servant cannot be above his master. Servanthood and humility are what the Lord seeks from His people.

Matthew 20:16 “The last shall be first, and the first last."

John 15:20 "Remember the word that I said to you, 'A slave is not greater than his master ' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they kept My word, they will keep yours also.”

To err is human, to forgive divine. Each person is a sinner whose salvation comes only through Jesus.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Worship is a lifestyle. More than songs and lip service, what counts is how a person lives his/her day-to-day life to glorify God.

Luke 3:8 “Therefore bear fruits in keeping with repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham for our father,' for I say to you that from these stones God is able to raise up children to Abraham.”

Do not judge a book you have not read. Never condemn anyone based on what appears on the surface level.

Matthew 7:3"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Insulate, not isolate. As a Christian is in the world but not of the world, s/he need not separate themselves from humanity for fear of contamination.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Faith is not blind. One cannot believe without understanding and seeking the answers of his/her faith.

John 9:39 And Jesus said, "For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind."

Live in genuine fellowship. Remember the grand commission: to seek and save the lost.

John 15:12 "This isMy commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”

Thou shall not steal. Theft and robbery of any kind do not and never will reflect God’s love and will for His children.

John 10:10 "The thief coes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life,

and have it abundantly.”

Know more at Free Faith.

Hello, World!

2008-05-08T16:42:00.000+08:00

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

I’ve been thinking about this verse for quite some time now, and I think that we’ve taken it wrongly. Or at least, our approach towards it is not quite accurate.

For a lot of Christian groups, the verse means that we should steer clear of the world completely. This means that while we interact with the others, that is, “secular” people, we make a conscious effort to not be like them. Since we’re already renewed, shouldn’t we be acting differently, making it a point to be different from who they are?

For some time, I actually prescribed to that line of thought. After all, the verse did say, “Do not conform to this world”, right? Gradually though, I began to challenge that belief. The verse doesn’t end there. It says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The implication is, if you really try and get to know God, and He reveals Himself to you, then being in Him would mean transformation. It’s not so much that you separate yourself from the rest of humanity, but that you immerse yourself in the Lord. How can you live out the Grand Commission (making disciples of all nations) when you separate yourself from the other people? Are you just going to stick to that little niche of yours for the rest of your life, because we think that what is outside of that is the “big, bad world”?

What I’m getting at here is, as Christians, maybe we should change the way we think. If we really are in the Lord, we have nothing to fear about being corrupted. Jesus already died on the Cross and gave His Spirit. He’s with us. Are we that afraid to be contaminated? Not only is that selfish, but it implies lack of trust. Are we that insecure of His love for us? Are we that self-centered that we would disregard any possible people we might bring into the kingdom for the sake of preserving our souls?

It’s this sense of self-preservation that puts Christians in hot water. We focus on ourselves too much that we don’t realize how much damage we’re doing to the name of Jesus. Think carefully: can you think of someone who’s technically “secular”, but in reality is doing more good than self-proclaimed Christians? If you’re honest to yourself, you’d probably say yes, because there are a lot of good people out there who are not necessarily believers. You know why? Because they’re not afraid to put themselves on the line for other people, as opposed to those who say they follow Jesus but look too much on possible effects a situation might have on them that they end up not doing anything at all. Honestly, if in your heart, you know that it’s the will of God, then go with it! Things don’t always have to go by the book to be seen as “right” or “good.” That would be legalistic, and completely pointless, because faith is all about grace and not necessarily doctrine.

This kind of thinking is not just selfish, it’s also arrogant. Honestly, the reason why a lot of people look at Christians negatively is because of the air of self-righteousness. “Oh, I can’t associate with him, he smokes!” “Oh, I can’t spend too much time with her, she parties a lot and drinks!” Please. Get off your high horse! Just because someone’s different from you doesn’t mean that they have no rights! I loved the sermon given last Sunday. The priest talked about human dignity, that no matter who someone is, s/he deserves love and respect. And no, that’s not a worldly way of looking at it. Never forget that Jesus died for each and every one of us. It is not only for those who are in church, but especially for those who are not part of it. He came for those who are sick, not those who are well (Mk 2:17). If God didn’t care for those who haven’t come to know Him, then why is He willing to leave His flock in search for a single missing lamb? This is who God is. He is not organizations- or institutions-based, but focused on the well-being of His people, no matter what their relationship with Him is.

When you get down to it, this kind of thinking is damaging. Categorizing between the “holy ones” and the “secular people” is a big no-no. We have no right to classify which is good and which is bad, because all of us are under the power of grace. All of us are sinners who are dependent on the goodwill of God. Remove the labels. Take away the bigotry and the self-righteousness. Throw away the garbage.

This is when genuine love comes in, not only because you embrace everyone for who they are, including their flaws and imperfections, but also, that you see them and everything else in the light of God’s love. With this, we become less smitten with what appears on the surface level, but on what’s happening inside, to the core. Where everything becomes meaningful, and, in its own special way, beautiful.

Foolish Games

2008-03-10T14:01:00.001+08:00

Foolish Games
Jewel

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

[Chorus]
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

[Chorus]
You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

Nobody likes getting fooled. No one.

What Fools We Are

2008-02-18T12:06:00.002+08:00

Only a foolish-looking fool could be fooled by such a foolish fool’s foolish dream.
- Franziska Von Karma, Phoenix Wright: Justice for All

And I'm one of the biggest fools of all.

'Nuff said.

Updates

2008-01-24T18:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I last updated an entry. I miss writing here, maybe because, compared to the other ones that I update, this one's really my “sacred space”, my cyberhome, if you will. A place that actually has a slice of my life, and just a mere combination of the most random of things. Well, maybe this blog can get random, but I do try and get a few points across most of the time, and that's what matters in the end, right? Anyway, it's hard not being able to write here for a long time. I don't know where to begin. You know the feeling of losing touch with a close friend and then meeting them again, and you're not quite sure how to approach that person? It pretty much what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'm back to Square One, and I have to learn all over again how to get back on track here.

Anyway, some life updates. I'm still working in the same company that I was part of since November 2006. It's pretty fun. Some of the people who know me say that it's just “so me” to be part of something like this, but for me, it's just where the Lord wants me to be in right now, so I'll be here until He says so (and no, I still won't go and spell out the company name or the specific project I'm working on. Again, I don't want to be mauled alive by fangirls (and if ever, fanboys, but perish the thought).

I'm mixing work and school these days. I'm taking up my Masters in Psychology, particularly Counseling. It's a bit of a struggle, because my undergrad course was different from that one, and the professors seem to take it for granted that all their students have a Psychology background (which is understandable. Why would a non-Psychology major take it up for further studies anyway?) It's not the easiest thing in the world, so I really have to rely on God.

In terms of personal stuff, I guess a lot has happened these past months. It's really funny, because I think I've changed a lot since 2005, my turning-point year. Various factors caused this, and I'm not quite sure what to make of that. I mean, I'm the kind of person who would actually fight so as not to be able to lose a part of her personality, but then I find myself changing (and practically without my knowledge!) I'm still the same Lani, but there are some things that are, well, different. Again, I don't know for sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, honestly. Sure, some, I can appreciate, like having greater patience now, but for others, I'm not quite sure yet. It's too complicated and revealing (hey, just because I have this blog doesn't mean I have to spill out my guts here) to explain everything here, but it just seems that I've changed greatly in just about every aspect. Surface level, I'm still pretty much the same: bubbly, chirpy, and giggly – pretty much traits of a five-year old kid. Inside though, I'm becoming even more introverted (as if I wasn't , already. Those who say I'm extroverted definitely don't know me well enough). It's really strange, because it seems at times I'm fighting with myself, not in a psychotic way, but more in terms of attitude. I've been focused about my situation a lot of times the past months that I feel as though I'm being assimilated without knowing it. Or maybe I've been thinking about specific things so much that I failed to notice how much I'm getting affected by these. I don't know... I used to be comforted by the fact that I know who I am as a person, but I don't think I can say the same thing right now. Sure, I know what I'm standing up for, I know my principles, my belief, and my faith, but knowing how to approach these is a different thing. I guess I need some time to self-reflect, something I haven't done for a while.

One person I admire once wrote something, and I'd like to share what he stated. He mentions a devotional he's had some time, and he said that he was surprised that the message of God was something like He'd be sending rains of fire and lightning bolts to the sinful nation, and he'll be cutting the sinners off from their inheritance. Now, the writer goes and says that people who read that, and he counts himself as one of them, would probably be scared and immediately start reevaluating their lives on what part of their life they should change – or else. I'm sharing this because I've been feeling the same way, and getting the same messages (in terms of meaning, anyway). Suffice to say that I definitely don't want to be cut off from God. Getting to know Him from the very beginning has had a huge effect in my life, I don't even know where to begin how He's touched mine. Nothing could compare to that. I don't want to throw that away. I don't want to lose Him. He's the only sure thing I have in my life, and I'd be a fool if I were to let go of that. Lately, though, I've been thinking as the world does. I don't know when it began. I probably wouldn't be able to identify the exact same time that I started, because that's the way sin works. It starts with the seemingly little things, you know, compromising your Quiet Time because you just “have” to finish a task at hand. Pretty soon, it becomes much bigger than that, but you don't realize that it's already a huge thing because you started so small. I'm just thankful that the Lord woke me up before things got too far, because I was starting to turn to the world in more than just one aspect of my life. It's hard stuff, because in a way, I actually did want to succumb to that call, because I actually did want the things that were offered. Then the Lord gives me a heads-up, saying in no uncertain terms that if I didn't clean up my act, I'd be cutting Him off my life. That's harsh, but it's true. This is the first time that I actually could relate to what Paul was saying in Romans, about doing things even if he didn't want to. The ones who are rewarded are the ones who have persevered in the race, who never let up in their battle. It's not the ones who had a great start and then stopped to chat with the waterboys by the tree and enjoyed the shade so much that they just stayed there, never paying attention to the fact that they gave up on something that they actually trained for and aspired for a long time.

I guess I'm writing this entry for many reasons: to revive my blog, to mark my 21st birthday (hey, in some countries, this is the legal age, so I guess this marks a new beginning for me too), to give an update on what's going on with me, but most especially, to help me get back on track, especially since I don't have a handwritten one as of yet. In a way, I'm accountable to this blog, because it's a way for me to keep track of how I'm growing in faith and of what the Lord has been telling me. I guess that's a commitment that I'll try to keep this year: to update this, and not with silly online quizzes or random things. I want to write about things that matter. I don't know if it will help people, but I do know that it's a way for me to counsel myself.

Lord help me.

Trillanes is At It Again

2007-11-29T14:39:00.000+08:00

People who know me are aware that I'm not GMA's (both the president and the network) biggest fan, but pulling off another Oakwood is definitely not the answer to this.

Gift List

2007-09-27T08:54:00.001+08:00

Just because I don't want the person who has the (unfortunate) task of getting me a gift for the Singles conference next week during the Excellence Conference a hard time, I'd like to make a few, er, suggestions to help him/her out a bit.:P

An optical mouse (a blue one, please :P)
RAM for my computer (I wish!)
Captivating or Wild at Heart by John and Stasi Eldredge
Any book of the Time Quartet series by Madeleine L'Engle
Plato's Symposium (and no, that's not a joke)
Mere Christianity, The Problem of Pain, or The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis
Hearts Ablaze by John Bevere
Any book by Graham Greene
Music by MxPx and Thousand Foot Krutch

Okay, so maybe these are kinda pricey, so just in case, here's a list of the general stuff that I'd like :P:

A nice, huge bag
A good headset for my computer
Any good book, Christian or secular (if it belongs to the latter category, it would be nice if the genres are either fantasy - such as those written by Gabriel Garcia Marquez - or philosophical, particularly existentialism - non-fiction, such as the works written by Emmanuel Levinas, Gabriel Marcel, Jean-Paul Sartre, or Albert Camus - or fiction, such as those written by Milan Kundera)
Good music (alternative or rock)
Nothing Sanrio please!

I'll try and add more stuff to the list if I think of anything else.:p

A Stitch in Time Saves Blood (In Theory, At Least)

2007-09-19T17:12:00.001+08:00

It's that time of the year again where I get to collect sicknesses from all over the place. I contracted a new allergy (I'm still not sure what it is, but my doctor was positive that it's caused by something I ate), I found out my eyes are now ready for LASIK surgery (which I don't really want to undergo, at least, not right now), and I had another wisdom tooth extracted.

It's in the last one that I want to talk about in this entry, so for those who have weak stomachs and are pretty sensitive about blood, I suggest that you stop reading now.

I've been having a problem with the lower right portion of my jaw this past month. Maybe that's also the reason for my frequent headaches/migraines, I really don't know. Sometimes, when I'd brush my teeth, that part would bleed (and I don't really think I'm heavy-handed when it comes to that). Add that to the fact that that part was really sensitive and tender that I could poke it with a finger and a part of it would wiggle, well... That would explain why I got worried and went to see a dentist about it. It's not that it hurt (well, not that much, anyway), but it was just really annoying.

The thing is, my siblings and I have gone to only two dentists in my lifetime, both of whom know us since we were kids. I don't mean to make them into security blankets or anything (I'm not really scared of dentists), but they're the ones I'm used to. The problem is, they're way over at Pangasinan, and I'm here at Manila. What's a girl with an aching jaw to do? Simple. Look for another dentist near her, so that's what I did.

Immediately after peeking in my mouth, the dentist went something like, "Okay, that tooth has got to come off." I expected that, but I didn't realize that it had to come out right then and there. Well, it didn't, really, because she had to call a dental surgeon to do it. In the meantime, I trooped over to my ENT, who was on a trip at that time but had a substitute, who was the one who said I had a throat allergy.

Anyway, when I got back to the dentist, the surgeon was already there, and without further ado, I plopped down the dental seat and let them at it.

Let me tell you, it's not an experience I want to go through again. Small chunks of my gums were removed, after which the surgeon noticed that it was already infected (you really don't want to know how bad it was) because of the impacted tooth. She got to poking and prodding the tooth, which really didn't want to come out (probably got the streak of stubbornness from its owner). A lot of blood was already coming out, not Kill Bill level, but enough that I got disturbed by it (and I'm not really that scared of blood). To top it off, either the anaesthesia wasn't strong enough, or the surgeon missed a spot, because I actually felt the extraction, and it wasn't nice. The operation wasn't all that long, but it was bad enough, and the wound deep enough that it had to be sewed so as to be able to heal. I really thought it was going to be smooth sailing (I had two of my wisdom teeth extracted at the same time last year, and it was over after around 15 minutes, and it didn't hurt that much after). I was wrong. Not only was it really painful and more bloody than the last time I had extractions, but ice cream even failed to make the day better for me. I really don't understand how one tooth could do much more damage than two teeth, although the dentist said that the lower third molars (har, that sounds so smart) are really harder to pull than the top ones.

Anyway, that's where my story ends. Come this Saturday, I'll be going back to have the stitches removed. I just hope the gum won't bleed crazily again.

I Bleed Blue

2007-09-10T15:28:00.000+08:00

With 17 seconds (is that a sign?) remaining in the fourth quarter, Chris Tiu sank a three-pointer that gave the lead (and eventually the win) to Ateneo, 89-87, that was reminiscent of the "Hail Mary" shot made by Gec Chia on Season 65 of the UAAP.

It was such an awesome experience to watch a game live all over again. I can't help but laugh when I remember all the stunts we've pulled because of UAAP, including being hit on the head with green balloons and streamers (and no, that's not a joke), going to the Blue Eagle Gym at 5:00-5:30 a.m. to get tickets (only to see that there are at least 50 people in front of you), attending morning Philosophy classes in the morning instead of the actual class schedule just to watch a game, jumping from GA to Upper B, hanging out at the Moro Lorenzo... Those were good days.

Some staples of the game (especially if it's an Ateneo-La Salle one): suddenly being superstitious when you're not (like believing in lucky shirts, shoes, heck, even food), wearing blue (donning green on an AdMU-DLSU game is a crime - unless you're from Taft), heckling the players, heckling the crowds, heckling the referees (heckling is a must, and the third one being the most crucial - especially if they're making calls that seem to have been pulled from nowhere), sitting/standing as close to the Blue Babble Battalion/Band (the noisier, the better), watching the true-blue alumni giving their absolute all in cheering (and heckling, of course), singing the "Song for Mary" and shouting "Go Ateneo!" as second voice during the chorus...

Man, that rocked. And I want to do it again and again.

Twilight

2007-09-03T10:04:00.000+08:00

Note: Sorry, I haven't been posting regularly. I've been doing some stuff, and I haven't really been focusing on my actual, personal blog (don't ask me what I mean by that). I've got a bunch of draft entries on my computer, and I'll try to post them as soon as I edit/finish writing these.

Anyway, I've posted a couple of poems that I've written just to keep in practice (and a product of boredom in a bus on my way home). These are pretty different from what I'm used to making, and it kind of follows "The Red Wheelbarrow" in terms of style (at least, in my head). I don't really know which kind I like best, just that these two aren't the same as the older ones.

---

Twilight
Shadows rise and fall
as the darkness
swallows the light
and makes it its own.
Hope tries
to bring a glimmer
in a blanketed atmosphere
and finds its answer
on the floors of heaven.

Solitude

2007-09-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

The wind blows a leaf
astray from its brother
and it floats,
without direction
buffeted by a force
Stronger than its own
and drifts to places unknown.

Portrait of An Apology

2007-07-25T10:55:00.000+08:00

Look what I've done
This picture I've painted
It looks like my heart
Or what still remains

Convinced of the weight
Your interpretations
Are not what I see
I wish they could be

- Jars of Clay, Portrait of an Apology

Ever tried to do something that you believed is good, but it ends up exploding in your face? That happened to me quite a number of times. No matter how good my intentions might be, the way I execute it leave a lot to be desired.

Most of the time, I find myself asking where I went wrong. After all, did I not want something good to happen out of it? Why did it fall apart? Other times (most especially the most recent one), I know exactly where I went wrong, and I think this is worse between the two.

I made a mistake very recently. I thought I was doing something good - until now, I know that what I wanted to achieve is really all right, even if it involves a bit of self-sacrifice. A part of me knew that I might just end up hurting someone with what I planned to do, but I guess I ignored that little voice, because I had my eyes focused on my goal. It's a mindset that assassins would be proud of: forgetting one's emotions just to achieve an objective. When I saw how much damage I've caused, though, I was crushed, not just because I was already hurting because of doing something that's against my nature, but because I know I've hurt someone that's really important to me. I know that in the long run, what I'm trying to do is going to be good. It's to fulfill a vow I've made a number of times already. It doesn't lessen the fact that I hurt someone though, and that I'm hurting as well. This will sound melodramatic, but a hundred apologies are not be enough, because it will never erase the pain I've caused. I would probably have the same mindset when I enter this kind of situation again, but I hope and pray that I'll be more sensitive and gentler, instead of acting as though I were flailing or smashing someone with a huge mallet.

May you learn from this lesson, Melanie.

Taylor

2007-07-23T12:33:00.001+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Maybe Charles Darwin Got It Right…

2007-07-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

Maybe man did evolve from monkeys.

I can imagine a lot of people raising their eyebrows because of that statement. After all, why would a Christian go and make such a ridiculous charge, even if the Bible explicitly stated that there is absolute truth in the creation story? Before you sharpen your pitchforks and take out your torches, allow me to explain this first, and then you can decide whether I should be burned at the stake or not.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs defines the levels of “nourishment” (for lack of a better term) that humans need to function well in society. Since it is an ordered structure, there definitely is an arrangement on how this goes. The most civilized of people are rich in all aspects, so much so that they can forego a part of what should be theirs for the sake of others in order to create a functioning society. When you remove all the upper “scales” of the ladder, and all you have left is the one on nourishment (food, shelter, etc.), a person is still able to move about. Take that away, though, and you make him/her hungry and/or needy in the process - s/he will then degenerate to the intellectual level of an animal.

On the other hand, St. Thomas Aquinas also had a ladder in his philosophy, which defines the order of the beings that exist. On the lowest rung are the inanimate objects, like rocks, which can’t really do anything. They’re just there. Second up on his scale are plants. While these are already living, they’re not really mobile in the sense that they can’t walk or run around, but they have the capacity to process food in their systems. Third are the animals (excluding humans). They most definitely exist, they can eat, and they’re very active in their movements. Lastly (since we’re not going to be focusing on transcendence here), we have the humans. What makes us so special that we’re placed on the highest rung? Simple. Because, based on theory, we have intelligence, which the other creatures lack.

Now, let’s put both theories together. Based on St. Thomas Aquinas’ theory, men are the highest of all creations because they can think. However, Maslow kind of provides a condition for that – humans are only the highest if they’re full. If their bellies become empty, then they take a mental step down the jolly stairs of Aquinas because they’ll be “animalistic” in their hunger – at least, until they become fed again, which brings them back into the polite world (whatever that means, anyway). Is that what it’s trying to say? Bringing the theory of evolution into the picture to further complicate things, are we really more alike with the primates that Darwin has repeatedly insisted we originated from? Are we really chimps who are just a little less hairy? Some would probably accuse me of false reasoning, because I’m taking these out of context. I think not, because, bluntly speaking, that is actually how society is functioning these days.

Just look around you. If Maslow were still alive, he’d be delighted at how many samples/specimen he can have for his studies. His theory states, or implies, that society would function well only insofar as the members donate a part of their “needs” so as to make the wheel churn smoothly. He’d have a field day if he’d just see what kind of people we are now: none who are willing to sacrifice even just a smallest bit of “have” for the sake of others. Heck, he can even have the (stereotypical?) government officials as his sample, and he’ll win a Nobel Prize for such an outstanding discovery, because they are the most well-known of the people who’d be willing to sacrifice the sake of the many for the sake of the few (meaning, him/herself, and maybe his/her immediate family – if they’re lucky).

We are such a selfish people. Deny it all you want, but that’s the truth. Dangle a piece of apple in a metropolitan sidewalk, and people would probably rush over to grab it, elbowing those who are in front of them just so they can have a bite. We are so concerned about what’s going to happen to me, myself, and I that we don’t care if we bulldoze over anyone along the way. What’s important is that I have the edge above the competition. My house should look more splendid than my neighbors’. My clothes should have the extra oomph compared to the other girls. If we don’t have these, we resort to backstabbing, talking negatively about that person to others, spreading rumors around about him/her – it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it’s just great that we’ve vindicated ourselves. Isn’t that a negative trait we Filipinos are infamous for : crab mentality?

Filipinos. I honestly love our country and its people. Really, I do. I’m amazed at our intelligence and our resilience, and how we’ve been blessed with such a beautiful state – but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is the reaction that I’m getting from you. Chances are, you scoff, and it doesn’t matter what race you belong to, and I would understand where that is coming from. After all, the Philippines is looked down really lowly by people, and even more hurtful, her own children. Corruption is prevalent, crime is rampant, and the people we put on pedestals are not those who are doing active work in helping bring about world peace, but the celebrities who’ve endorsed just about anything and everything (from chicken to epoxy, they probably have their faces emblazoned on just about every product known to man). I do understand, but it doesn’t mean that I agree.

I was talking with someone a few days ago, and he said something to the effect that he doesn’t want to be identified with Filipinos. In the Internet forums/games that he frequents, he doesn’t say that he’s one, and if someone asks, he’ll say something else. He hates the government for being so messed up. He hates the Philippine traffic. He hates the media, from the press to the movies to the TV shows. And in case you weren’t able to read between the lines, he’s a Filipino. The sad thing is, a huge portion of our people thinks like that already. They are ashamed to be associated with the country. I remember, whenever a law is passed regarding a specific group of people, a defense that a person can use would either to put himself with his people and say that the law is oppressive to them, or put himself squarely against them, saying that he is in no way like them. Putting it shortly, he’s disassociating himself from the rest, effectively expressing that he’s above them to be put in the same category as they are. Wow. Really nice people, I say. What is maddening and frustrating at the same time is that most people who’ve left the country (probably permanently) or those who are here but insult the Philippines for all they’re worth are actually the ones who can make a change in society, precisely because they have the means to do it (hegemony, in Marxist terms). Yet instead of instigating that change to make at least one condition better, they spread their poison for all their worth into complaining about this or that, cursing on and on about their hang-ups for the rest of the world to hear, etc. Instead of expending their energies into something worthwhile, such as helping those who are needy, they just rant their lungs off. If only they’d stop talking for even just a few hours and help a family who suffered from a bad storm repair their home, then it would make things even just a little bit better. If only they’d stop buying all those designer clothes, fancy gadgets and rubber slippers (worth more than P1,000) just so they’d look cool and trendy, then they could give the money to an NGO (Non-Government Office) so that they could give it to those who are in need, or better yet, they hand it to an impoverished family, the money of which could feed them for a number of days. If they could stop taking a cab or driving their cars and instead walk that short distance, they’d not only get the chance to exercise, but lessen the pollution that’s killing nature.

I honestly wish that the people’s eyes would be opened to this sad reality. While they enjoy their luxuries in life, a family of six is struggling to have something to eat each day. Our beautiful culture is losing its touch on the people because we think that the traditional stuff are “baduy” and “jologs,” and we’d prefer international films and sitcoms, very much. We’d prefer keeping for ourselves the few coins just because… Instead of handing it over to that little beggar boy by your car window who hasn’t had anything to eat since the night before.

I do realize that it’s not the fault of those who were born privileged for having that money. It only becomes a problem when it comes to how they’re going to be using it. Giving occasionally to charity isn’t enough, because a lot of times, they do it not for the sake of giving but for the publicity they’ll be receiving. Remember this: God has said that we are all part of the same body. Like ours, there are specific organs that work with each other not only to ensure that they themselves are working fine, but that everything’s ok, including the other parts. That means that we shouldn’t only ensure that we are fine, but that everyone else is doing alright too. By being alright, it’s not sufficient to say, “They’re alive, aren’t they?” and leave it at that. You’ll have to look after their well-being too. It’s time we realize that everything in our lives are there because we are to act as stewards: to take care of these for the real Owner, who’ll be coming soon. This not only includes money, people in our lives, and whatever possessions, but also anything and everything that surrounds us, including our country. Maybe if everyone cooperated, then that would make enormous positive changes, not only in terms of society, but on the living conditions and health (in all aspects) of people. Maybe then, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs could actually be fulfilled by each person.

And maybe, we become less like the primates of Charles Darwin, always looking for self-gratification and nothing else, and more like the people that God originally intended us to be: like Him (Gen 1:27).

1 Corinthians 12:20 “There are many parts, but one body.”

Down From The Hill

2007-07-09T16:11:00.000+08:00

I went to the Ateneo during the weekend to check something out. Even though I was alone there, I had so much fun walking around, taking snapshots of just about anything and everything with my mobile phone (explains the low quality of the pics, but it's fine). Even though some of the photos pixelized, it's still ok. I wasn't there to go and take decent shots, I just did it for the sheer heck of it.:P I would've taken more, except that my phone died on me.@_@ Man, I acted like a tourist in my own school.:P That was really funny.

Another funny thing: I took more "background" shots during the weekend compared to the rest of my years in the Ateneo put together. Guess my priorities then were quite different, since I liked getting people's photos more back then.

Anyway, here are some of the photos. Hope you enjoy these.:P

The Batibot Tree in all its Batibot-y glory

This can be found on the walkway from Gate 2.5 to Faura or CTC/SOM. It always reminds me of the stone altar where Aslan was killed in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, for some reason.@_@

My favorite kind greenery (and I'm using the term loosely) on campus: the fire tree

The creepy statue of Fr. De La Costa, S.J. I love the Jesuits and all (thanks to them, I think like this today), but the statue's still disturbing.:O

Would you believe I fit quite comfortably under that footbridge, with lots of room to spare?:D That's one of my favorite college memories.:D

A Beautiful People

2007-06-21T13:26:00.000+08:00

A Beautiful People

One thing that I find really interesting is that almost from the beginning, women are the only ones to whom beauty is attributed. With the exception of Greek mythological personas such as Adonis (who had goddesses actually worshipping the ground he walks on), Narcissus (who fell in love with himself, the jerk), and Cupid (whose enormous white wings seemed to enhance his looks rather than make people think he’s just a mutated chicken), it’s the females who usually have the “beautiful” attached to their names. I’m not saying this to insult mankind (perish the thought) but as a simple fact. Guys do get called a variety of adjectives to describe their attractiveness: handsome, pretty boy, good-looking, attractive piece of flesh, hot (no matter how you spell it), and (here’s the clincher) sexy. Sure. However, if people (and not just half of the population) begin to really think about that, they might just get as frustrated with the situation as me – and not just because men aren’t called beautiful, but on how society perceives what beauty is, in general.

I’m not a hypocrite. Being a regular kind of girl, I do find some men attractive. Hey, a few people have heard me gush about this or that celebrity. The thing is, though, I only appreciate their physical appearance, and nothing more, which is sadly how the world looks upon beauty these days – something’s that’s just skin-deep, as cliché as it may sound. Maybe that’s why men aren’t called beautiful by the masses, because women, perceived (there’s that word again) as the fairer sex, are generally thought to be so. This point-of-view, like so many things in the world right now, are just matters of opinion, that have taken root in the minds of people quite a long time ago already that it has gotten accepted as the truth. Look at it this way, though: humans have also thought that the sun revolves around the earth, but that’s not factual. They’ve assumed that man will never be able to fly, but we have airplanes, hang gliders, helicopters, etc. to disprove that. Just because it’s general belief doesn’t make it true, and the same goes with the perception of beauty.

If beauty isn’t physical attractiveness, then, what is it? Let’s take a look at the most beautiful person who has and ever will live, and who I know personally. And yes, he is a man. He is a person who doesn’t care about what other people might say about him, just so long as he does what he knows is right. You will never hear him bad-mouth anyone just to look cool or to put himself above others. Instead, he will help the people around him (even if they’ve tried to bring him down), because he genuinely wants to see them happy. He is a perfect gentleman who will never lift his hand not only against a female, but to anyone or anything, and especially not in a fit of anger. He is one who will go out of his way to help others, not to get something in return but because it’s something that he genuinely wants to do. He doesn’t pretend to be anyone else but himself. Even if people have hurt him time and time again, he will readily forgive them, and even before they ask for it. As a human being, he has emotions: he gets angry, hurt, frustrated, upset, happy, and all these, but he knows well enough when to act on these and when to pull the reins in.

You want to know who this person is? His name is Jesus. Read through the Gospels, and you’ll know that all of these are true. If you don’t have the time to go through all four books, read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, of which I loosely based my descriptions on, and God is love (1 Jn 4:8). This is what true beauty is: love. Yes, it does sound cheesy and would sound right at home tucked within the packaging of a Hallmark card, but this is the truth. What can be more beautiful than this, which is so pure and amazing and true? It’s not a matter of the amount or brand of make-up or clothes that you wear that makes you truly attractive. It’s not based on gender or skin color or riches. It’s the soul of the person that matters, because this is what is capable of loving, and is what belongs to God. Men and women can be beautiful in Him.

Do you want to be truly attractive? My beauty tip: follow God. You only have to look at the faces of the believers to know that this is the truth: there’s an inner glow in every Christian that will never be matched by any cosmetic in the world, and the best thing about it is that it’s free, and you can get it anytime and every time you need it.

A Beautiful People

We are a beautiful people,

A people of the one true King

We are a beautiful people,

Caught in arms of grace and love

We are a beautiful people,

And faith is our aesthetics

We are a beautiful people,

Cloaked by righteousness that isn’t ours

We are a beautiful people,

Our faces shine because of inner peace

We are a beautiful people,

With smiles brought by joy

We are a beautiful people,

Our hands covered not with rings but with gentleness

We are a beautiful people,

We are beautiful.

*Note: The grammar (like this entry’s title) has been deliberately written like that, and is not a result of an oversight.

Got a C for My Country!

2007-06-19T10:45:00.000+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out atLakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

Guess I need to know more about the Philippines.:P Check out my completely blank slate of Mindanao.:D I've never been there, but I certainly would love to. In God's time.:P

In Love With Malone

2007-06-08T17:14:00.001+08:00

Do you love him too?:D Obviously, the little guy in those pics is Malone, a Retriever/Malamute crossbreed puppy. Isn't he perfectly adorable? He's not mine, but I would absolutely adore having him.:D He looks like such a sweet one too, with his puppy dog eyes and slightly sad look. I saw him on Daily Puppy and I couldn't help but feature him on my blog. We have a lot of dogs and other pets at home already, but I would love to have him.:) There's just something about Malone that makes me melt.:) I'm such a sucker for dogs.

Check out his page here. To see more adorable puppies and doggies, check out the link of the Daily Puppy above. If you're more of a cat person, you can check out the Daily Kitten to see feline cuteness.:D Enjoy!

How About That?

2007-06-05T15:46:00.000+08:00

Apparently, I am in the right field of concentration.:D

A cool thing about this quiz is that it actually rated my favorite fields correctly, with the exception of history and philosophy (I would probably have wanted these a bit higher, but that's just me nitpicking). The funny thing is, I got relatively high results in all categories, which just means one thing: I'm a nerd.:D

You scored as English/Journalism/Comm, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Communication, English, Film, Journalism, Literature, or Writing.

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

English/Journalism/Comm

88%

Psychology/Sociology

81%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

81%

Religion/Theology

75%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

75%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

75%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

75%

Education/Counseling

69%

HR/BusinessManagement

69%

Visual&PerformingArts

63%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

63%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

44%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

44%

Mathematics/Statistics

31%

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

My Chipmunk Voice!

2007-05-03T13:16:00.000+08:00

I probably will regret this in the near-future, but this is just so funny not to share.

We did this VO for a video.:D My officemate played around with my voice, and this is the result. I'm hoping he was just kidding when he said he's going to use it as a ringtone. I have no intention of being the latest hit ringtone sensation in the country. I'd really rather not be associated with the "Hello, Garci" line, no matter how obscure the connection.:P

Slow Dance

2007-04-26T09:46:00.000+08:00

I read Marley’s blog a few days ago, and I felt that I should reply to what she said. I might not be able to answer there, and the sheer lack of a Multiply account makes me oblige to share my thoughts on my account.:P Plus, this would reinforce my past post about not letting go of my blog – not just yet anyway.

I guess after the discussion our Singles group held last Friday, all of us have been thinking about the question of purity and GB (God’s Best), even if it’s in different levels. I’d like to share my thoughts here about it, although I’m not sure if what I’m going to be saying in my blog is more or less than what I’ve mentioned that night. In all honesty, I can’t really remember all I’ve said last night (I believe that it was really the Spirit’s leading that gave me those words).

A brief background on the term “GB”: this is something my friends and I’ve picked up in college, and also what we believe in with our hearts (quite literally, but pardon the pun). In general, GB is God’s perfect plan for you. It’s really what the Lord has in store for you if you choose to follow what He wants for you, and please focus your attention on the latter part of the sentence. He can only give you the chance to have the best that life can offer IF you choose to follow Him with everything that you are. It’s not because He is powerless or stingy with His blessings, it’s just that, how can He work in your life if you continue to push Him away and don’t allow Him in? However, if we choose to subject and surrender everything to Him, that’s when He’ll be more than delighted to lead us where He wants us to be, and that’s the very best of what we can have. This includes our careers, families, friends, etc. More often than not however (and more importantly to some people), the term “GB” is translated as that person that God wants to bless us with, to possibly spend our lives with together with him/her. There are other terms to call it: soul mate, one true love, whatever. It’s really a romantic notion, but I think that each one of us nurses in our hearts that desire to find and keep that special someone.

For me, I believe in waiting. Maybe right now, God has already brought my GB in my life. I can’t say for sure, but I believe in trusting Him about this, that in His perfect time, He will reveal that someone. It’s quite funny, because a lot of people think that “waiting on the Lord” is really lame because it seems like those who’ve made that commitment are scared of having to work it out by themselves. I’d like to disagree with that, because trusting in God, especially where this is concerned, is really a courageous act, because we go against our instincts. We don’t jump on what our emotions (and hormones) are telling us, but instead attentively listen to what the Lord has to say. If we’re going ahead of ourselves or, quite simply, completely wrong about what we think we’re sure of, He’ll rein us in and say, “Slow down! You’re going too fast!” Honestly, it’s really quite easy to act on our nature and say, “Hey, this is where I want to be, and no one can stop me.” Waiting is a totally different experience, and it teaches us a lot of patience and maturity among other things, not the least of which is love.

Yes, love. I can hear the collective gasps of people. “Oh my gosh! She’s mentioned that four letter word! As if what she’s saying isn’t mushy enough!” Har har. The world’s corrupted love so much that people just don’t understand what it means anymore. It becomes locked inside this little bright red box that opens once a year on February 14, and it brings along with it sappy music, lovesick people, and barfing sounds from people who would probably rather eat dirt than to admit that they’re affected by all the sentimental jazz. What is love, though? One thing that learned in a classroom in college which is actually applicable in life is that love extends from more a feeling to a choice. I hear (or read) kids as young as eight years old say that they’re in love because whenever they see this person, their hearts beat faster, they become all giggly and giddy, and they feel as if all the butterflies from the park have suddenly teleported into their stomachs. Older people might say because they feel electrified when that person touches them. Still others say they know they’re in love because if their “significant other” leaves them, they will not know what to do with their lives. This is the perception of the world now. This is what love has gone down to, because people forgot who was raised up as an act of love. Jesus was literally lifted up when He was crucified, and His passion is the greatest love story that will ever come into existence. People say that that title belongs to Romeo and Juliet, but that’s fiction. Jesus’ love is truth, the biggest and barest truth that we can ever be faced with. What else can you call it, that someone could have given His life so completely and unashamedly for people who’ve constantly spurned Him? It’s not idiocy, because He knew full well what He was doing. It was and is the purest form of love that anyone could ever hope for, and no one can even begin to compare to that (so don’t be deceived if someone says that his love for you is so great that he’s willing to get the moon and the stars for you).

How does this translate to our human form of love? As His love for us is pure, so should our love be pure among each other, and most especially to that special person in our lives. I really and praise God for all the things He’s been teaching me now. I’ve come to realize that the more I feel the need to be with someone, the more I should lift it up to Him. It’s not because it’s a feel-good thing I’m doing for myself, that I’m being all sacrificial and noble and all that, but it’s because it’s something that I know He wants to take a part of in my life, as with all the other things I’m involved with. I won’t kid with you, it’s hard. I’m not emotionless. I do get hurt, impatient, and angry, and that’s why I have to bring it before Him all the more. If I acted upon it, what would happen? Not only am I getting out of God’s perfect will, I’m also setting up that other person to potentially fall? If you truly cared about someone, would you want them to fall into sin just because of you? No, right? Definitely not. We would want what is God’s best for them too, right? We want them to be at the center of God’s love and plan too, and doing all we can to attract them will definitely not help them in the least. Even if it might seem like the right thing, and maybe you are thinking the right way when you believe that that is the person that God would want you to spend your entire life with, but even if you got that right, if you went ahead of God’s timing, then it would still be wrong. The Lord might have been planning to work on the both of you, making you better, more mature people before He brings you together, but because you jumped ahead of time, your immature relationship might end in a break-up, even when you could’ve ended up together.

What can we do to keep us from going ahead of God’s plan. We pray that He guards our hearts. Emotions aren’t bad. These come from God and nothing evil or cruel can ever come from Him. However, if this is the only thing we will rely on, then we’re setting ourselves up for heartbreak. Emotions are temporal and can change with our moods. Would we really want to bank our hearts, a huge part of ourselves on to, metaphorically speaking, a wobbly cart that might topple at the slightest things? No. Instead, we place it on to something that’s permanent, a strong foundation that will not collapse no matter what happens. We lift it up to Him. Asking God to guard our hearts is different from asking Him to take away our emotions. It’s not so much “Lord, make me stop feeling,” but more of a “God, I know my heart is fragile and vulnerable. I want it to be kept pure and whole, and that’s why I ask you to protect it.” He will not keep us from feeling, because it’s something very human and also a blessing from Him. What He will do is to keep us from unnecessary hurts, by sheltering us from people and situations that can be painful for us. This doesn’t mean that after we ask the Lord to guard our hearts, we can go out and flirt with those from the opposite gender. Not only are we defeating the purpose of our prayer, but also we’re leaving ourselves open to attacks from the enemy, and he won’t be so merciful with our hearts. We also have to do our part in guarding it, and that means protecting ourselves from situations where we might end up falling. It’s hard, I know, but after all the waiting, the pain, and all that, it’s really going to be worth it in the end. I mean, it’s God’s perfect will for the both of you. Where can you go wrong?

So how long does the Lord want you to wait? I honestly don’t know the answer to that, but I’mquite confident in saying that when that time comes, He will give you a clear “Go” signal to go on with it. I know that with me, God still has a lot to work on. I’m not perfect, and I will never be as long as I am in this world. I know there are so many things in me that have to be removed, purified, trimmed, pruned, what have you. I still have a lot to learn. I mean, come on, I can’t even be described as domesticated as of yet. At the same time, however, I continue to hope and pray for that time to come. I know that if it’s God’s will for me to get married, He would bring that person in my life in that way when the right time comes. Even now, He might even also be teaching that person to be the best man that he could be. I know that he is not perfect (only God is), but I also know that he’s going to be the best for me. (Of course, there’s always a possibility that the Lord would want me to live a life of single blessedness. Sounds surprising, but who knows what God’s plans are? His ways are not ours.) Whatever happens, it’s going to be according to His will, and it’s going to be pure and beautiful because it’s something that He’s constantly telling me to lift up to Him, and that He is the very center of this.

In closing, I’d like to leave you this poem I’ve written, my (very short) translation of the book Song of Songs. The title of this entry and the poem are similar because the image popped in my head earlier. In terms of our “love lives,” if we lift it up to Him, it becomes like a slow dance with Him and him (or her). It’s magical, it’s beautiful, and it’s going to be worth every minute of it. Hope you like it.:) God bless y’all.

Slow Dance

We go out into the night
Holding hands with arms stretched towards each other
Reveling in the pureness and beauty of it all

You take me in your arms
Hold me close to your heart and
Making me feel safe and secure in your embrace

We hold on to each other
And off we go
Swirling and twirling and turning around and around

We need no music to be played
Because we create our own
Melding together, our hearts create the beat

We fill the room with laughter
For no one else can make us feel such sheer joy and
Defining the very pinnacle of our existence

I look in your eyes
And I see there the promise of the beauty, the wonder, the perfection of
Living a new life with the old completely erased

I see in them your love
That knows no bounds, and I am left
Wondering why it’s me that you’ve chosen, with all my brokenness

You continue to hold me
And a gentle look, a touch, a smile is all I will be
Needing to be assured that your heart is given to me as I’ve given you mine

And we continue to dance.

Long Time, No Post

2007-04-24T16:19:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone (at least, for those who read my blog. I still have no idea who a lot of you are - if you're still around). I just want to apologize for the long period of my silence. I'm not going to abandon this; on the contrary, I'm trying to figure out a way to modify it to make it a bit better-looking (learning HTML and all that makes me a bit more courageous in tinkering with this). Right now, I changed the template I'm using (as you might have noticed). The only downside to my modification is that everything I've included on my blog in the past have disappeared, including my links, so I'll have to build all that again. However, I'm hoping that this is just going to be temporary, as I'm planning a completely different look (not just a face lift, but an entire body overhaul) for this, so I do hope you stay tuned for that.:)

Anyway, just to give a very short explanation why I haven't been posting, it's because I've been maintaining 20+ other blogs for work. I'd really rather not dwell on this (not unless I want a million fangirls spamming or screaming), but let's just say it's part of my job. When all that is over, I might migrate a select few (and when I say few, I mean few) of my entries from some of these "work blogs," but we'll see. No guarantees yet, just depends on how I feel by then.:P

Thanks all, and God bless.:)

Rebels With A Cause

2007-02-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

Holy. Faith. Religion. Worship. Praise. God. Jesus.

These are some of the words that are very controversial at any period of time. Mention any of these in public and you’ll most probably get any of these two reactions: either a long, awkward silence follows your proclamation (which will probably make you almost wish you hadn’t said anything at all) or it will cause a very loaded debate that will probably make at least one person in the crowd fuming or touchy by the end of it.

What is it about these words that make these so highly charged? A huge chunk of the answer, I think, lies in the third word: religion.

A huge problem with religion is that it has a lot of negative connotations attached to it. “Sorry, I’m not a very religious person. I hardly attend church.” “See her? She’s religious. She prays the rosary twice a day.” “My friend’s so religious that he attends Bible study every week.” Do you see where this is going? The thing with religion is, it has become institutionalized. You become religious if you did this or that thing, or if you attend this or that gathering. Religion has turned into a bunch of rules that must be followed in order to fit into the stereotype.

I’ll be honest: I dislike using “religion,” myself, and precisely for what I’ve mentioned above. Maybe it’s the Marxist in me speaking, but whatever the case, I don’t really like using the word. For people who have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, I would call them “spiritual” or “godly,” but not “religious.” Because of all the connotations attached to it, the word is stripped of the call God has for us, and that is to have a loving relationship with Him.

I’d like to pause right now to apologize in advance to the people whose toes I’d be stepping on in just a short while. I won’t be saying sorry for my words, otherwise I would not have uploaded this in my blog, but I would on the pain I’d be causing your feet. I’m not saying this on anyone’s behalf. This comes from me, and if you happen to disagree with me, then do tell me your points – politely, of course. However, right now, I am standing up for what I think is right.

The thing with institutionalized religion is that we end up focusing on these rules than on Him. We follow these to a T that we end up acting exactly like the Pharisees and Saducees of Jesus’ time (at this point, I would like to apologize to the Jews, whether or not they are reading this. I am not anti-Semitic, but I would just like to use these historical events as examples). They became obsessed with the rules that they disregarded that a lame person could walk again, and instead focused on breaking the rule on no work during the Sabbath (Lk 14). They were so intent on saying “I’ll pray for you, brother” that they ended up not helping that person when he was cold, hungry, or thirsty. They became so focused on the positions they had by virtue of the rules that they didn’t mind whether the people around them were in sore need of their help (Mt 23).

This is one of the reasons why Jesus came down from the heavens. Through Him, we no longer are under the law, but covered by His grace. There was nothing wrong in the law per se, it’s just that the people became so concentrated on that that they forgot that the reason these were there were for them to worship God. Instead, these rules in a way became their God, because they spent more time dwelling on that instead of seeking to glorify and obey Him. When Jesus came, He gave only two commandments to be followed: to love Him with all our souls, minds, hearts, and strengths, and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mk 12:30-31).

Simply put (though not as simply obeyed), he orders us to love. As dc Talk has said in their song, “Love is a verb.” We do not choose who we love, but we should do it to everyone unconditionally, no matter how harshly we have been treated. At the same time, even if rules are there to guide us, these shouldn’t restrict us from loving people His way. Jesus Himself sat with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and other sinners. What right do we have to look down on people who just happened to have different beliefs than us?

Aha, religion rears its head again. That’s another bone people have against it: the fact that most religions have these standards that aren’t really loving, to put it mildly. I know some who’ve gradually stopped going to church because, being homosexuals or having committed sins that are quite huge (at least, according to human standards), they believe that they will be ostracized, and the sad truth is that that’s a probable thing to happen. Because someone fell, or even just for who s/he is, s/he will be treated as an outcast, and of the church no less. Maybe the staring down isn’t sanctioned by the church heads, but because it’s what the congregation does, the people’s actions would reflect negatively. Again, Jesus sat and ate with the sinners. As He said, He came not for those who are well, but those who are sick (Mt 9:12). Knowing that the other has fallen, shouldn’t we try and help them up on their way, instead of dragging them down and stomping all over them? When you get down to it, we are all sinners (Rm 3:23) under God’s grace (Eph 2:8-9), and really, we have no right to be high-handed over people. Let the one who has committed no sin throw the first stone (Jn 8:7).

Maybe some have left our organization and joined another church. Does that give us the right to treat the other person as if s/he never existed? No. That’s not what Jesus would do. If we did that, then we’d be putting rules over humans, and that’s not really Christian, is it? Even if that person had said stuff about our group that aren’t really complimentary, we shouldn’t retaliate. We’ll not only sin, but we’ll not witness for the Lord. It’s His name that’s on the line when we get down to it, not ours. Our place on earth is not to judge, but to win souls.

Another sad case would be the war between churches. Instead of boosting each other up, helping one another in their strengths and weaknesses, they end up pointing at the sins or mistakes of the other organizations. That’s not how things should be. Together, we are the church of Christ, a community of His believers. Again, all of us have sinned, so we shouldn’t point out others’ mistakes since we ourselves are stained with sin (Mt 7:1-5). Instead, let’s help each other out walk in faith.

What am I saying then? Destroy the church and just allow people to individually worship God? No! The authority given to these elders are from God, and as He said, we should respect God-given authority. I think it was Tim LaHaye who said that Christians should also serve as witnesses to others under certain secular authority, such as the government. However, when it reaches the point that it becomes ungodly because people are set aside in favor of sticking to the rules like glue, then that’s where we should take steps. Change the system. Destroy it, if need be. Never let anything be given prime importance over God. A question to ask ourselves would be: am I following this because it’s for the Lord, or because I have to? It’s so easy to follow rules because, well, it’s easy. Period. Especially if other people are doing it. Yet are we doing these because we’ll remain in our nice, safe, comfortable little worlds, or because we know that it’s right? Sometimes, we’re so scared to break the rules even if we don’t agree to these because of the possible consequences we’d have to suffer. Jesus, said, however, that the Christian life isn’t easy. Isn’t believing in Him already an act of rebellion against the world? Why not stretch this “rebellion” and really follow what He wants us to do? Let’s get out of our comfort zones in the truest sense. We might find ourselves persecuted, and by our own friends and family, no less, but He did warn us of that beforehand. It’s not that He wants strife to happen, because He doesn’t. In truth, He is saddened whenever this happens, but He doesn’t force people to change their minds, they do it on their own. He just calls them, and it’s up to these individuals whether they want to answer or not. Maybe He’ll ask us to give up things that we’re not ready and/or willing to surrender. Maybe His will for us is harder than we expected. Maybe He wants us to get out of our cozy homes and live life the way the greater number of people do: in poverty, hunger, and pain in every degree possible. I don’t know. Yet If we’re going to be radical, let’s go all out. Don’t say you follow God and then find yourself trapped by a bunch of rules that aren’t really glorifying Him. Break these if need be, because these could be made by humans only, and not according to His purpose. Don’t, however, do it just because you feel like it. Jesus Himself went out of the box in His actions, but He didn’t break the rule to the point of going up to Caesar and saying, “Hey, I’m the King. That’s my throne you’re sitting on, so get out of there and let me rule!” He didn’t. Yet at the same time, He healed during the Sabbath, He overturned vendors’ stalls by the Temple, and He preached God’s Word without studying it as a profession like the other rabbis.

What I’m trying to say is, stop obeying human standards and start listening to what the Lord wants for you. Who knows? Maybe He’s calling for you to help bring the change and for you stand up for Him even more than you did before.

A Very Memorable Birthday

2007-01-30T13:01:00.001+08:00

This year’s birthday has got to be one of, if not the most memorable one I’ve had my entire life.
It’s not because it’s my twentieth, although that’s really a huge number in my opinion. After all, this officially ends my teenage years, but that’s not really why this one is very different from the others.

It’s not because this is the first birthday I had that I spent working. The past ones, I was in school or I was too young to remember anything. I ended up feeding cake and ice cream to my officemates, which gave almost all of us a really huge sugar rush. We giggled our way to following our HK bosses’ orders, which was actually quite effective. That would have made it really memorable, except that there was something else that happened that made this pale in comparison.

Quite simply, I received a gift… from the enemy. Now, a lot of people would think that that’s a good thing, because this would mean that bridges can be crossed. Some would even think that I’m so lucky that my foe was the one who made the attempt to close the gap between us. And, in all honesty, I do like receiving presents now and then. However, all these are not the case right now, because this enemy is the one who we’re supposed to declare spiritual warfare with. This is the one who’s caused us to fall time and again, and is always attempting to tear us away from our loving God. Y’all know who that is. What did he give me, you ask? From Wednesday onwards, I couldn’t eat normally, because I’d end up throwing up whatever stuff I ate. To prevent this from happening, I only had a few bites to eat per meal, which isn’t really satisfying to say the least. One of the saddest things during that experience was during my birthday dinner in a restaurant of a distant relative. Everyone was having quite a good time because the food was really, really good. I loved the taste of what I ordered (beef with mushroom sauce), but I had a major problem: I couldn’t eat it. The same with the dessert, which is actually my favorite part of every meal. Imagine incredibly yummy food in your face and you can’t eat it. It’s sheer torture. Go ahead and blame me for being a bit hedonistic, but really, is there anyone who can say s/he wants to eat horrible-tasting food? Of course not! By the end of the evening, a lot of people have noticed just how pale I was turning (I was valiantly trying hard not to puke because I was seated at the far end of the table, and I couldn’t get out without having to pass the others) and my lack of appetite (which is a very rare occasion), and they began voicing their concern. Problems like appendicitis and dengue fever cropped up, which didn’t really console me, but at least made me finally decide to go to the doctor the following day (I wasn’t able to go the past days because our bosses from HK were in the country). My mom actually wanted for us to go directly to the ER after the dinner, but I was against it. I didn’t want to have my birthday finale end up in the hospital.

The following day saw me confined to the hospital. There wasn’t any definite finding as of yet, but appendicitis is a prime suspect, which I’m paranoid about. I didn’t really enjoy the thought of having myself opened up for the world to see. I want my insides kept inside, thank you very much. Praise God it’s not that, after the initial tests were done, but on what my actual problem is, nothing’s really definite yet.

Today at noon, I’ve finally been released. This is after four lab tests, four huge dextrose packs, a number of med injections to my tubings (that made me feel like a plumber, for some reason), three doughnuts, several packs of juice, and two runs of Cheetah Girls. During that time, I’ve been starved (their term was “fasting,” but I beg to differ), prodded, and mistaken for a pregnant woman (I really need to lose weight, if that’s the case). I’m typing right now with my left hand swollen and the path of one of the veins quite obvious because it’s really red. I don’t know if that’s the result of my body gobbling up four large packs of glucose through IV, or if I have a weird allergic reaction to the medicine that they injected through the line.
The findings? An intestinal bacterial infection and a normal process that men would probably pale if they find out (women would probably be sympathetic, but they’d be thankful that they’re not one of the fortunate few who have to go through that). My tummy’s still feeling really weird. It’s not that it really hurts, it’s just that there’s this sort of pain in that general area that I can’t pinpoint which part exactly hurts. Hopefully, the medicine would take effect soon and rid me of this sensation, which is really not welcome. Still, all’s well that ends well. I take comfort in the fact that I didn’t need to be turned into dinuguan by the doctors.

Happy birthday, Lani.

Birthday Wishlist

2007-01-22T09:24:00.000+08:00

Since I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get any of these, I'll be posting my ultimate birthday wishlist here.:P This will most probably be incomplete, so I'll be editing this from time to time.:p This is also definitely not in order, but only according to which one pops in my mind first.

1. A complete set of the Xiaolin Showdown Dragons, along with the actual dragon (Dojo please, not Chucky Choo)
2. A plushy of at least one, but if possible, the Xiaolin Showdown characters
3. A good copy of all the episodes of Xiaolin Showdown (yes, I am a fanatic of the show :p)
4. A comic book collection of the story between Rogue and Gambit
5. (Most definitely a wish) Marvel turns Gambit back to the good side, and he and Rogue finally end up together. Pleeeaaase!
6. A complete collection of music from Relient K, Audio Adrenaline, Thousand Foot Krutch, dc Talk, and Jars of Clay
7. A complete set of Madeleine L'Engle's books
8. Good books. These include those coming from the Christian, philosophy, and fantasy genres.
9. Money for shopping. Haha!
10. Madeleine L'Engle's books
11. Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
12. A Heart Ablaze by John Bevere (I'm not really sure if this is the book title OR author, but it's something like this. Someone's told me it's a very good read, but I can't find a copy yet.)

However, since I most probably can't have any of these, I'll just settle for prayers.:) I ask most especially that you pray for direction in my life, that I be true to the Lord my whole life.

Thanks, and God bless y'all.

A Craving for Chicken Inasal

2007-01-22T09:18:00.000+08:00

Yaaay! I’ve finally satisfied my craving for chicken inasal (which had been going on from December) last Saturday. What’s more, God taught me some new things on that food trip.

After running a couple of errands, I went to the mall relatively near our house to get my Laking National card, which I had renewed a month ago. I haven’t had lunch yet, and I was debating with myself whether or not I should eat there or wait until I get home. I weighed my options: for Letter A, I would have an instant fix to my grumbling problem, but I’d end up spending, which is a bit of a turn-off considering I’m near broke. For Letter B, I wouldn’t be spending at all (except for the fare for my commute back), a yaaay factor. However, a mental image of a juicy chicken meal popped in my mind, and I decided to satisfy my long-overdue craving (even before Christmas, if you can believe it) for the Bacolod specialty (fortunately, I didn’t have to travel to that place to have that). I went to the restaurant and took a seat (not literally, of course). After giving my order, I took out my book (Tim LaHaye’s Finding the Will of God in a Crazy, Mixed-up World) and began reading it. Pretty soon, my food came and lo and behold! It wasn’t what I ordered! Praise God I didn’t blow up about it, and that He gave me good humor that day. Anyway, as I was waiting, I continued reading. Presently, my food arrived (the correct one this time), with the waiter apologizing for the mix-up. After assuring him that it’s alright, I dug into my food, pausing from time to time to continue reading my book. A few bites later, the waiter came back, and this time, it wasn’t to apologize again. It turns out that he’s also Christian, and that he was blessed to find another believer. He recommended some good books he’s read at first, and then he told me a bit of his story: he used to be a youth leader in their church, a drummer in their music ministry, and also served as one of the counselors to the kids there. However, he said that he backslid, and he stopped serving a prime position in their church. Praise God that he’s back on track now, although he hasn’t been able to regularly attend their meetings because he’s now working.

Now, people could say that it’s a huge coincidence to meet someone of the same faith as I do. I believe though, that there is no such thing as “coincidence” and that it was the Lord’s will for the two of us to meet at that day and at that time. There I was reading my book on how to make sense of my life, and then came this guy who, while not answering that question in my mind, assures me of just why I chose to walk in faith. After I ate there, I felt such peace that did not come from what I ate physically, but what He nourished me with. The waiter (I’m not trying to be demeaning by continually calling him that, it’s just that I wasn’t able to catch his name) himself said that God led me there specifically to eat, and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know where the craving for chicken inasal came from, and why it came on December, but I do know one thing: He brought me there in that restaurant at three o’clock Saturday for a reason. I could’ve satisfied that craving earlier, but for some unknown reason, I didn’t (imagine a month-long craving!).

One of the things I’ve learned from him in those few minutes he came up to chat was something he was taught in one of their seminars. They were taught what “Christian” should mean for us: CHRIST, I Am Nothing. That’s true: we are nothing without Christ. The only way we could be something is if we are in Him. Another thing I’ve learned from Him, implicitly, is that He’s in control. Imagine this guy who was at the top of the food chain (figuratively speaking), but he falls. Yet he stands up again, and even without the previous standing he enjoyed, he is still at peace and filled with joy for the Lord. He also continues to feel the burden of other people who chose to follow the world and not Jesus. He’s also thankful for the job that God gave him, even if he already has, or is studying for a degree (I’m not clear on which one). For someone who’s trying to find meaning and direction in her life, that really shook me, because the Lord brought me to meet someone who is also clueless on what the Lord has in store for him, yet continues to believe in Him wholeheartedly that He’s got a perfect plan for him. I know that too, yet my heart can’t seem to catch up to that knowledge yet, because I still feel anxiety because the Lord hasn’t shown me as of yet what He’s calling me to do. I got convicted because of him, yet at the same time, the encounter brought me peace. As he said, the Lord had a plan why He made me eat there. I know that for my part, He taught me a lot of things. Hopefully, I also helped the waiter out in his faith walk by witnessing to him. Whichever case, it’s really just great how God works, to bring about a craving into something that’s for His glory.

The encounter also made me reflect how my relationship with God is these days. Whenever I need Him, I’d go and ask Him a question and then cut a Bible expecting an answer. Sometimes, I would receive one immediately, but sometimes, none of the verses on that spread strike me, so I continue cutting my Bible until I come upon one that seems to answer the question in my head, and then I’d be satisfied. In a way, that’s also like a craving: you’d get an itty-bitty piece of something that you feel you want to have. Once you get that taste, you’ll already be satisfied. However, maybe cravings aren’t really what we should have for His Word. Maybe we’re supposed to have a deep hunger for Him and His Word that will never quench. Cravings can be satisfied, but hopefully our hunger for the Lord would not be so paltry as to easily disappear once we get a taste of it. Rather, may the Word we receive from Him draw us into reading and accepting more and more, so that we would be filled with Him and not seek other things to fulfill this emptiness within us.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether we eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God

Lk 12:29 Don't keep worrying about having something to eat or drink. Only people who don't know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father knows what you need. But put God's work first, and these things will be yours as well.

And Then Came The Bride

2007-01-09T11:50:00.000+08:00

The much-anticipated wedding (at least, in our families) finally happened last Friday, January 5, 2006.The ceremony was held at Santuario de San Jose in Greenhills, and the reception at one of the ballrooms in Edsa Shangri-la Hotel. We really won’t be able to say that everything went without a hitch (pardon the pun), because that’s really not what happened. Ask my sister, and she’ll probably tell you that everything that could go wrong went wrong in her wedding, even before the actual ceremony took place. Not only did the gowns come out not as planned (we had mutated obis in place of the real mccoy, my gown became magenta, for crying out loud!), most of these were also delayed in making. The band that was scheduled to perform almost broke up prior to the wedding, ultimately having one of the singers leave the group, threatening their date with us. The bridal car that was supposed to bring my sister and my parents disappeared off into some other dimension, making their arrival in the church late by almost an hour (at least I could say it was truly my sister’s wedding: it was late). The hotel rooms’ reservation also got somehow screwed up. Of course, I won’t forget my personal disaster – Lani the Klutz strikes again, tripping at the side of the hotel on my way from an errand. I’ve still got huge wounds on my left foot and my right knee as souvenirs). Everything was just really messed up, but it all turned out well in the end (at least, I think so. My sister’s mom-in-law, wedding planner, hotel coordinator, etc. would beg to differ). We got to see our cousins, uncles, aunts, and other relatives after quite some time, since a lot of them live outside the country. I also loved the sermon given during Mass. It goes something like, make sure your wedding day will be the happiest day in your significant other’s life. After that, however, you must ensure that the following days will be happier than the last. He (I’d really rather not name names) also said that your spouse will be the Cross that you will be carrying for the rest of your lives, and it got me thinking: Jesus bore His Cross as an act of love, and that is how married people should treat their union as. It should be seen not so much as a burden but as an act of love that you will renew, refill, refresh each day. Another thing would be that there is no other person who would be right for you than the one that the Lord gave to you, and that person is a testament of His love for you. He reiterated “right,” in that that person is really your GB (in not so many words), but s/he is not perfect. I guess that struck me also, because we’re always looking for the perfect person that we could be with (no matter what kind of relationship), and we end up forgetting that there is only one perfect being in the universe, and He is God.

It was sad that our other sister wasn’t able to attend (she’s had a few days’ break after she graduated from boot camp, but not enough so that she could fly here for the wedding). All of us pretty much missed her, especially since she’s the most psycho one among us all.:p A comedic thing that happened to me during the wedding was that during the single ladies’ game during the reception, I ended up literally running for the door when they were looking for participants. I told my sister beforehand that I didn’t want to join the game, but who can tell with a bunch of lunatic cousins present?

All in all, the wedding was great fun. I wasn’t able to take pictures because I got separated from P (my camera) for a, huge part of the evening (sniff, sniff). I’ll be able to upload more once my sister gives me a copy of the pics from the photographer. We’ve got some looney shots there.:p

Oh yeah, sorry for the rambling flow of this entry. I didn’t really have an organized mind right now.:p

My parting shots: The wedding ended, and let the marriage begin. May the Lord bless the couple’s union.

Also for the singles out there waiting for their GBs (God’s Bests): As what was said in the sermon, there is that person that the Lord has planned for each of us meant to live that kind of life, and that s/he would be a testament of His love for us. Let His glory be done in this part of our lives, as well as the others.

Click here for pictures. I'll be adding more as soon as I get the others.

Call-Out Over?

2006-12-05T08:49:00.000+08:00

Hmmm… Owing to the huge number of responses I got in my last post (read: nada), I’ll just assume that you guys are too shy to introduce yourselves by commenting on a post specifically addressed to you.:P Again, I am not prohibiting you in any way in reading and/or commenting on my entries, but I just want to make a request that you do leave your name and where you’re from too (ex. Hi, I’m Joan from Timbuktu, and I just want to say that…), so I’ll have a rough idea on just how powerful the Internet really is.:p The only restriction is, no spam please!

Anyway, I realized that I haven’t really made a short write-up about what my blog will be about, so I decided to make one here.

First, the URL: jarletofclay. For those who are Jars of Clay fans, obviously, I count myself as one of you.:P Didn’t want to get the band’s actual name for the following reasons: (1) It probably is copyrighted; (2) I would be insulting the band if I say something that is contrary to what they’re saying; (3) and anyway, I’m too tiny (read: a few centimeters shy of five feet – the world is cruel, I tell you) to call myself a jar; and finally, (4) A friend of mine (calling out Nades :D) gave us little vessels when we first became Christians as a symbol of our faith, and it’s really due her why I chose the name. Again, an explanation of “jars of clay” would probably be helpful, and I got the verse from the band itself, as was written in their self-named, first album. In 2 Corinthians 4:7-12, it says,

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.” (NIV)

All of us are jars of clay, fragile, delicate, easily broken, but we are God’s instruments to reach out to other people. We are His beloved children, and He will never allow us to be destroyed; chipped, maybe, or even broken, but not crushed and completely ruined. He is the Potter, after all, and we are but clay that He can fix and make new all over again.

Now, why Worlds Apart? Here, it gets a little bit more personal. I’ve chosen the name for a variety of reasons also. Firstly, “Worlds Apart” is one of my favorite songs by Jars of Clay, simply because it is raw and honest, a prayer of a sinner to the Lord. Anyway, my favorite lines from the song are:

Soaring on the wings of selfish pride/I flew too high/ and like Icarus I collide/ in a world I tried so hard to leave behind/the rid myself of all but love/to give and die/to turn away and not become/Another nail to pierce the One who’d loved/More deeply than the oceans/More abundant than the tears/Of a world embracing every heartache.

Those lyrics are incredibly powerful, and listening and reading these again just strike me at just how much God loves us. It makes me wonder just how many scourges He had to receive to save me, how many wounds that bled to wash me clean, how much insult and scorn He had to endure to even make me lift my head up. That’s how much was paid so that we could be purchased, the currency of which was blood and life. His blood and His life for ours.

Another reason, definitely less serious, is that I think I’m pretty much worlds apart from other people. I would call myself, in Filipino, as someone na may sariling mundo, ergo… Seriously, I’m really quite a bit of a nutter. I mean, if there was someone who’s exactly like me in this world, I would seriously pity that person. Even people who actually do know me get disturbed by what I do or what spouts from my mouth, be it doughnut conversations or vacuum-cleaning partehs (again, don’t ask, if you wish to keep your sanity). I’m really different from most people, and if some go and try to make themselves be “normal” (whatever that means), I really go and embrace my uniqueness (putting it politely). I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: all people are unique individuals, and instead of trying to hide it and pretend to be someone that they’re not, they should go all out and shout to the world who they are (within reason, of course, and hopefully not literally). Why should they want to be someone they’re not when they’re perfectly fine the way they are? God created you the way you are right now. Love it. Love yourself. You cannot even attempt to love someone if you don’t love yourself, and that’s an honest truth.

Anyway, regarding the contents: as I’ve said earlier, I’m really Worlds Apart, and that includes my blog style of posting. While some people choose to have multiple blog accounts so that they can create a new one for their hobbies, another for their relationships, and some for their pets (further segregated into the kind and breed, of course), I would much rather have just one single journal. It’s really quite practical: less time-consuming, easier uploading, and all that. The downside is, everything’s jumbled together, but that’s just the way I like it. I call it my organized chaos (as I like to describe my room as well.) Nothing’s really consistent, like I’d post so-and-so entry on whatever-day and all that. Everything’s just bunched together. Before, I made it a point to post an entry every Thursday, but that changed because I changed my schedule. Now, I just post when I feel like writing, when I feel I need to write something (urgings of the Spirit?), or when I have something to put up. In the end, I have poetry, photos, entries, rants, raves, book reviews, movie reviews, reflections of what I’ve learned, stories of how my day went, thoughts, opinions, etc. all jumbled together in a hodge-podge of stuff that could only be identified as Lani.

You might ask, why the heck is she writing all these down? Is she some vain idiot who thinks that the world revolves around her? My answer to that would be a hopeful no. Like most, if not all bloggers, I created mine to share my thoughts to the world, and the funny thing is that it is quite a lot, owing to the fact that I have a lot of interests and am quite opinionated. The main reason why I made a blog, however, is that I hope to reach out to other people through this, and hopefully share to them what my belief and my faith are. Admittedly, not all the entries here are pleasing to the Lord. I can think of some that I know are pretty secular, if you know what I mean. But these are landmarks of the person I was, I am, and hopefully, will also lead me to what I will be in the future. These make me who I am, including the nonsense posts I put up such as me being a total klutz, my teenybopper kilig (how is this translated, anyway? Butterflies in the stomach does not even begin to describe it), my political views, etc. In truth, I didn’t really want to have a blog a few years back. I actually hated the thought of online journals, because I thought that this is just a way for people to show just how shallow (sorry about that) they have become. Yet the Lord convicted me, and told me that this is one way for me to share Him to others, and just let me get some outlet for all the stuff that’s in my head. In essence, this is really me. I’m not a bot, not a fake. I am Melanie “Lani” Sison. This is who I am, and I pray that you continue to be with me in my faith walk.

For all those that my blog has even in some small way ministered to, I praise God for that. Let Him be glorified, and continue seeking Him everywhere, especially in the small miracles in your life. For those who disagree to what I have said, you can still leave your comments, but please do so in a nice way. Don’t lambaste other people just because you think you can. For those who’ve used my blog for “information,” (as it was called by someone who commented), I have no idea what that means.:O Sorry, but I really don’t. If you mean the text, then praise God if my writings have ministered to you. If the poems have touched you in a way, thank you too. If you liked the pictures, thank you again. But for those who might get too aliw (rough translation: amused) with the stuff here and decided to copy-paste it, especially the text, please don’t plagiarize my work. I’ve already had a bad experience in that in high school, and I don’t want to go through that again – ever.

Anyway, that’s about it for now. God bless y’all (and please don’t forget my request about leaving comments).

Yours truly,
The King’s servant but God’s first,
St. Thomas Aquinas

Oops! I meant, Melanie Sison.:D Cheers!

"Post-ers"

2006-12-04T13:04:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone,

It's not that I'm annoyed or anything, but for the people I don't know who read and/orcomment on my entries, please do introduce yourselves. I kinda get confused when I get a message saying I got a comment from "Anonymous." Unless your name really is Anonymous, please do give me your name so I can reply to you properly.

Thanks!:) God bless!

Close Pa Rin Kami Kay Jesus!

2006-11-24T09:13:00.000+08:00

It's been four years since I came to know the Lord. Four years since I discovered that there is still hope in this world, and that, maybe, it's not as dark and as evil as I thought it was.

Seeing at least some of them who made this possible is like coming around in a full circle. I owe these people a lot, and I'm not ashamed to say that I love these people so much. If not for them, I would not have known Jesus. If not for them, I might even be dead by now - or worse (what a dark entry this is turning out to be :p). These are the people who saw me take my baby steps in faith and who guided me (some of whom are still helping me walk until today!), and they would always be special people in my life. We've gone to different directions after Ateneo, but it's always great to see them again - like we've only parted for a few moments.

To our Bible Study group, I love you guys so much! You've been my friends, brothers, and sisters. This is really cheesy, but you guys are incomparable. Thank you for the faith, for the laughter (dolphins are never going to be the same, as well as the geography of the US of A), for the songs (really fowerpul ones, dey are :p), for the craziness (I would never have believed an umbrella to be futuristic), for everything. Above all, thanks for giving me hope and faith again. You guys are completely amazing. See you all in heaven, if not here on earth.:D

To my D Group, Wow. I can't believe just how far we've come along. A lot of things have happened. One has already married, one is just on the verge of, and the rest of us are... happily single. Haha! It's been such an amazing journey, and I pray we still continue to walk together. All I can say is... Close pa rin tayo kay Jesus!

Our House

2006-11-19T11:48:00.000+08:00

Here are some photos I took of our house in the province. You can view more at my Photobucket account. I'll try to add more photos in the account, but if I didn't, it means I got lazy.:P Uploading photos with a dial-up account is certainly not the quickest thing in the world.:p
I didn't put in a lot of pictures from inside the house, especially the rooms.

Anyway, I forgot to put in the labels in the pictures, so I'll just put 'em here:
*We did not post for our family portrait. My parents said that they gave a casual family picture to the painter, and from there, he let his imagination soar.:p Can you tell which one's me?:p Doesn't really look like me, does it?:p As a side note, most of the people who've dropped by the house get creeped up by it. It's not as if it's haunted or anything, I mean, we're still alive, ya know.:p But anyhow...
*This is actually just a wall decoration beside the family portrait. Got amused by it, so I took a picture of it.:p
*The rocking chair is mine. When I was younger, I couldn't fit in the regularly-sized ones, and I loved rocking chairs, so they got me my own instead.
*In this picture, you can see a bit of my lola's house at the back.
*Most of the outside shots are from the front yard, except for this and this, which are taken from the backyard.
*My mom's the one who fixed all of the landscaping, layout of the trees, flowers, etc.! Pretty good, eh?:D
*In this picture, you can see a bit of my lola's house, which is literally by our backyard.
*This dining area isn't actually where we eat. The table is usually reserved for when we have guests over. We usually eat near the kitchen, which is actually separate from this area of the house. Forgot to take pictures of it, though.:(

Some other trivia about the house:
They finished building it a year after I was born, so it's about 18-19 years old already.

There was an error in the design or the construction of the house, so the lot wasn't really maximized.

Until the storms of 1998-1999, my mom had a lot of orchids all over the front yard. It came to the point that even people we didn't know would drop by to by some from her. However, the orchids got destroyed by the winds, the rains (our area in Pangasinan being the entry/exit points of most storms), as well as some other factors that I very well do not want to mention here. Anyhow, in so saying, here they are.

Photos from X

2006-10-17T09:04:00.000+08:00

Yay! Finally thought of a way to transfer the pics from my phone to my computer (hafta spend for it, but at least I have them here already). As a way of celebration, here are some artsy-fartsy pics I took, a couple from Samar and another in a mall parking lot.

I'll say one thing about my phone: it might have a lot of issues with life (if it's alive in the first place), but it can take pretty good shots.

Excellent!

2006-10-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

Things to be thankful for:
· For a victorious Excellence Conference
· Being able to serve the Lord and His people
· Being equipped by the Lord to serve Him according to His plan, knowing it all came from Him and not from me
· Being able to laugh at most things, no matter how stressful or mundane these seem to be
· Having fellowship with friends, new and old, no matter what background, race, age, etc., knowing that we are all united by God’s most amazing love
· Seeing just how much God has transformed and touched the lives of people, and being able to witness just how hungry they are for God
· Answered prayers
· Being able to praise and worship Him openly and unashamedly, for the gift of freedom
· For love and family, that these are from avenues that we did not expect to come from
· For small things that the Lord uses to bless other people

Lord, thank You for a completely amazing week. This has been a week of blessings, and I praise and thank You for touching our lives all over again. I might not have been able to truly attend the talks in the truest sense, but that does not mean that I did not learn anything from the Conference – because I did.

Thank You, Lord.

And Anger Becomes Her

2006-09-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

(This will be the first time I’m dedicating a poem to some people. In some ways, this is not actually a literary work but more of an outlet to release pent-up emotions. Anyway, take it as you want.)

For the people who crossed my life at one point or the other.
You know who you are.
If you don’t, then you should.

And Anger Becomes Her

What is she?
Someone laden with a hero complex
Or a vigilante

Yet not masked as such in the ancient day
For masks have served their purpose to conceal
And she is anything but untruthful
For she is fighting a battle

A futile one, some might say
Profanity, still others would shriek
Yet no matter how much others would weigh her down
She would not, in good conscience, relent
For to conform would be to accept things as a lost cause
And some things are still worth fighting for

What are these that try to contain her?
Those that made her reach the mark

For though she might not have the world’s record for patience
Seldom would she reveal her emotions to others
But for a multitude of reasons, one more vile than the last

A broken promise, led on but abandoned halfway
Supported and abetted by others in the plot,

Set to destroy what has sought to be protected

Cowards who could not have said what it is in their hearts
For it is indeed safer to not leave the cradle of youth

Than to enter a life that does not promise anything

Severed friendships for the smallest things
Allowing chaos to steal what would otherwise have been a true comradeship

As it is easier to believe what is comfortable, and not what is true

Blind assent to whatever is dangled over people’s noses

When they would choose to accept what is fed them as gospel truth

Daring not to explore what lies within, for minds are not meant to be used

Shallowness that would make the tiniest puddle proud of its depth
Refusal to open their eyes to what the world is shouting to them

For ignorance for them is truly bliss

Pretenses as transparent as a teardrop
Believing themselves to be brilliant, concealed in their cloaks of superficiality

Not realizing that everyone else knows about their facades

Taking advantage of other people’s goodness to achieve one’s desires
Call it development of gifts, honing of talents

Yet it is nothing more but exploitation of others for one’s self-gain

Those who take the gavel and proclaim themselves judges of the world
Quick to decide who is wrong, quicker still to deny their own

A “holier than thou” attitude that conceals a festering soul

Mind control, for there is no other such term
Seeking to manipulate thoughts and emotions of those who unwittingly entered

But wanting is not getting, and getting is definitely not keeping

Is that all?

Not by far

For there are others, some without words to describe them

Yet all a personification of man’s baser nature

In vessels not expected to pour from

Yet all these combine, coagulate, transform into one

Anger appears in many forms

Some choose to weep, others to wail

But she allows it to form a shield around her

Much like a stone that is as hard as it can possibly be

Seemingly unfeeling, appearing unyielding

Yet for every piece of rock, there a dribble of water may always be wrung

So she squeezes herself out by taking the steps to departure

And since farewell is said to people with honor,

She leaves without a word to anyone.

Watching

2006-09-05T19:20:00.000+08:00

Two bright orbs gleam, following you
Quiet, unassuming, but observing
Neither sightless ones, nor those filled with ignorance
But with a sharp glance that cuts the air like a knife
Eyes following wherever you go
Like a predator hunting its prey
It pounces on the subject, and devours
Staring at you unashamedly
Had you been aware of it,
Would the hairs on the back of your neck rise
Yet you move on, unaware of the silent observers
A couple of silent stalkers moving with you every move
Nobody is aware why these follow
Not one knows the answer to the question “Why?”
The eyes yet betray themselves
When, on unguarded moments, they ask the same question
Yet the dance still continues
With one continually seeking for the otyou who does not know of the pursuit
Would that this quiet game of hide-and-seek be played out
So that peace might be achieved

You Know What's Funny...?

2006-08-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

When people fail to see what is beyond the tips of their noses.

When they see only what they want to see.

When they accept things to be what they appear to be just because it's easier to believe that.

When they think they know the answer, but they don't.

When they think that they have to look for the answer, when it's already in front of them.

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

2006-08-28T23:31:00.000+08:00

do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I love this poem, not merely for its contents, not merely for its message, but also the way it was delivered. Pablo Neruda has got to be the best poet ever. I wish I could write like he did someday.

Haunting Memories

2006-08-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

I was in church a couple of days ago, and I bumped into a classmate I had in high school. After chatting, she left while I stayed, as I was waiting for the parish office to open. It wouldn’t have been a significant event if it was someone else, but given who she was, a lot of things came back to my mind.

You see, “Marie” (let’s call her that for the sake of convenience; I’d really rather not reveal who she is) was an outcast in our batch. She always got picked on by our classmates (usually by the guys) for just about everything that she was: her clothes, her appearance, her intelligence, even her voice. She wasn’t the brightest mind by any stretch of the imagination; in truth, she was eventually kicked out because her grades didn’t make the cut-off. I remember when she was already advised about her problem, and she told some of us about it, crying that her mom will get mad at her if she did get expelled. That was the only time I actually saw her cry, though. Even amidst all the bullying, she endured, even fighting back. I remember a time when she actually challenged some of the guys mocking her to a fist fight. Thinking about it, she probably was very gutsy, or she didn’t have enough sense not to rise to the bait. This is not to demean her in any way, but sometimes, her reactions to situations aren’t really how a typical situation would act. I admit that I go out of my way sometimes to be a little kooky, but that’s just how things naturally for her. She had a bit of difficulty understanding things. She was an eccentric character, although she looks more stable now than she was some years ago.

We really weren’t close. We’ve been classmates for a couple of years, and I can’t say that we’ve actually been friends in the truest sense of the word. At times, she would ask some of us for help, as I mentioned above. My best friends and I would also ask her sometimes to join us since she’s alone, and we’d occasionally coming to her defense when the guys would think they’re being clever by being nasty to her, but that’s as far as it went. A lot of times then, I found myself even laughing with them at her expense. I didn’t directly taunt or insult her, but I didn’t really lighten her load in those instances. Yet I never saw her flinch. She went on day-by-day and endured all of that, without even giving a hint that the words thrown at her hurt her in the least. She would bear it all. She might have been bullied, but she didn’t allow herself to be bullied, because she would fight.

One thing I’ve noticed about “Marie”, even then, was her devotion, something that hasn’t changed if Saturday afternoon was any indication. She was one of the few people who volunteered to lead the class prayer (something that was normally assigned to a person based on the surname or the seating arrangement). Aside from the verbal prayer she would recite in class, she seemed to also be praying for something else, something that was between her and the Lord only, and she would always maintain those few minutes of silence, with her head bowed and her mouth words soundlessly, despite the sniggering of some of our classmates.

Seeing her brought to mind some of the things I’m not proud to have done. Even though I didn’t directly participate in tormenting her, I still laughed with them and occasionally cracked some comments about her – usually when she wasn’t around. Indirectly, I was also causing her pain, not only because I didn’t tell the guys off often enough, but because I didn’t try other ways to alleviate the situation, even adding to it by my laughter. Seeing her, however, also reminded me how good God is. The Lord said, “Blessed are the poor,” and the last word can extend to so many dimensions. There are those who are poor financially, certainly, but there are also who are poor in spirit, in health, in mind, in their family relations, in their social relations, etc. All of us almost certainly belong to one of these, or in another category of poverty. Yet the Lord promises that those who are poor are the ones who will be part of His Kingdom, and that he pays special attention to those who are oppressed. “Marie” might have been a popular kid in high school in a really negative light, but the reason why she probably was able to endure was because she was so pious to the Lord. She might have had several problems, but she trusted in God so much. Who cares if people thought her strange? When she is in that special place with Him, these petty things can just be shrugged off.

That’s the funny thing about people: when they find a person who’s not like them, it’s either they try to convert that individual into something that is more to their taste, or they would simply treat him/her as an outcast. It’s like they’re saying, “Hey, there’s no room here for diversity. It’s our way or the highway.” I have admired a lot of people who chose the latter, because they didn’t conform to the system just because they felt they had to. For sure, bad traits should be tried to flush out, but to go along with the others to get accepted is a different matter. Why should you be like the others when you can be yourself? For “Marie,” it might be because she didn’t care what others think, or because she didn’t really have a firm grasp on the situation. Whichever way, she chose not to go the way that the majority went to. At times, I think she really was doing some stuff because she’s deliberately going against the system. If she broke the rules, it doesn’t matter, as long as she was embracing who she is. To be yourself is nothing to be ashamed of: it’s that person that God wants you to be; otherwise, He would have created you differently. Unfortunately, that’s not how humanity sees it. Because “Marie’s” different, she ended up being scorned. She became like a modern-day leper: when she tried to approach people, she got pushed back. Her faults, most if not all of which are false, were thrown in her face. She might have tried to fight back, but the number of people she was going against were definitely superior. Does that sound familiar? I hope it does, because that Person who went through that is the reason why the gates of heaven are open to us now. The only difference is, Jesus Christ did not fight back the world by going to their level. Instead, He gave Himself up and allowed Himself to be raised up – on the Cross. The Lord was also different from the rest of the crowd. He was the Messiah, after all, and He was not ashamed to be Himself, that is, to be the One to fulfill His Father’s will. He embraced who He was supposed to be, and He lived His purpose.

May we all look to God for strength and direction for living out and embracing who we are – as He wants us to be.

Deuteronomy 10:17-19: “For the Lord, your God, is the God of gods, and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who has no favorites, accepts no bribes, who executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and befriends the alien, feeding and clothing him,. So you too must befriend the alien, for you were once aliens yourselves in the land of Egypt.”

Nighttime

2006-08-15T11:07:00.000+08:00

I scream in the seemingly endless darkness of the night
"God, why me?"
Tears stream down my face
My voice quivering with suppressed emotions
I lash out at You, promising never to come back
Thinking, "Where is the love You promised me?
"Why did You allow me to get hurt?
"How many times more should I feel pain?"
You took away your promise
Leaving me alone
I call out to You
But there is no response
Yet as I lay in the darkness, I notice
The stillness of the air, the twinkling of the stars,
The chirping of the crickets
I know I found Your answer.

Trip to Samar!

2006-07-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since my previous post, so as a way of making up for it, the next few entries are a barrage of images from my trip to Samar (20-25 July 2006). It was such a great experience, especially with the trip to the beach. I managed to get bitten by a crab, taste a jellyfish, meet just about every cast member of Finding Nemo, among other fishies, while snorkeling, have a jellyfish swim directly in my face, acquire some gashes on my left leg (Lani the Klutz strikes again!), and fantasize that I'm on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm not much of a beach person, but I loved the island where we went to. It was absolutely lovely. There were virtually no waves (at least, not until you reach this area where surfers from all over the world apparently visit), there were so many fishies that you can see almost without trying, and it wasn't crowded! It's really a beautiful place, unspoiled by man and pollution.
I also beat my mom in videoke singing (don't ask), learned that shrieking is not necessarily the best way to try to get a high score from the said equipment, re-acquainted myself with the Waray dialect, got stranded in an airport for about eight hours, had my stomach digest my heart because of an awful plane trip (I so do not want to experience that ever again. Aside from the clenching of my internal organs, my thumb still hurts from the panic texting I did. Imagine the announcer telling the whole airport that your plane got diverted to another place because the weather in the area where you're in is way too dangerous at that moment), had my bottomless pit of a stomach resurrected for even just a few days, and used and abused my camera in its entire time spent with me. I would have posted more, but dial-up's not really the best connection in the whole wide world (check out the time differences between each post if you don't believe me.)

Samar Trip!

2006-07-27T23:45:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since my previous post, so as a way of making up for it, the next few entries are a barrage of images from my trip to Samar (20-25 July 2006). It was such a great experience, especially with the trip to the beach. I managed to get bitten by a crab, taste a jellyfish, meet just about every cast member of Finding Nemo, among other fishies, while snorkeling, have a jellyfish swim directly in my face, acquire some gashes on my left leg (Lani the Klutz strikes again!), and fantasize that I'm on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm not much of a beach person, but I loved the island where we went to. It was absolutely lovely. There were virtually no waves (at least, not until you reach this area where surfers from all over the world apparently visit), there were so many fishies that you can see almost without trying, and it wasn't crowded! I also beat my mom in videoke singing (don't ask), learned that shrieking is not necessarily the best way to try to get a high score from the said equipment, re-acquainted myself with the Waray dialect, got stranded in an airport for about eight hours, had my stomach digest my heart because of an awful plane trip (I so do not want to experience that ever again. Aside from the clenching of my internal organs, my thumb still hurts from the panic texting I did. Imagine the announcer telling the whole airport that your plane got diverted to another place because the weather in the area where you're in is way too dangerous at that moment), had my bottomless pit of a stomach resurrected for even just a few days, and used and abused my camera in its entire time spent with me.

I would have posted more, but dial-up's not really the best connection in the whole wide world (check out the time differences between each post if you don't believe me.) Anyhow, here are a few, just for a sneak peek.:p

Artsy-Fartsy part 1

2006-07-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

This set is my favorite among the others, although some from the other pages are also pretty cool. Some of these are similar with each other, but I still like 'em.:)

Artsy-Fartsy part 2

2006-07-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

For some reason, I had a weird fascination with candles during the trip.

Artsy-Fartsy part 3

2006-07-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

The plane shots looked pretty cool even if they weren't intended to be artsy-fartsy.:p Put in dark as midnight+night mode on camera and you have a surreal photo in your hands.

Miscellaneous Photos

2006-07-27T23:15:00.000+08:00

Beach Photos

2006-07-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

The jellyfish that I tasted (Seriously. Who would have thunk

it would feel nice on one's tongue?)

Dogs on Emo.

Ma cousines.

More Beach Photos

2006-07-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

Isn't the beach water amazingly clear?
Our beach.:D

Some crab "gatherers"(Is that the right term? What exactly do you call them? Farmers? Fishermen?)

Not really a good shot by any standard, but I wanted to take a photo of the kingfisher (barely visible near the center of the picture)

Ang Mga Pirata ng Samar

2006-07-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

Ok, either I was still suffering from a hangover from the PotC: Dead Man's Chest or from an overactive imagination. Whichever way, don't these look like scenes from the film, specifically from the island with those weird tribesmen?:p

Kinda like the shack with the paprika.

The bend where Jack Sparrow came from, running away for his life.

Ok, admittedly, there wasn't any scene with a raft in the film, but it still looks like it fits in the script pretty nicely, doesn't it?:p

Faces 1

2006-07-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

When boredom strikes inside the terminal area of an airport, you become quite terminal yourself.

Faces part 2

2006-07-27T19:39:00.000+08:00

...Sad...

...or mad...

... or tired...

or fried?

Close enough.

Ok, this time, I wasn't pretending. I really looked this weird by the time I got on the plane.

Airport Blues part 1

2006-07-27T19:25:00.000+08:00

Boredom.

Yes, do.

And fate smiled down on me and endowed me with a top-of-the-line camera that enabled me to shoot the entire airport with a single click. I wish. A picture of the airport's diorama.

The terminal area's resident psychotic frog. Sayang I wasn't able to take a shot of it when it was still trying to force the door open (seriously, it did).

Airport Blues part 2

2006-07-27T19:06:00.000+08:00

Still stuck in the airport, and I was not sufficiently bored enough to stop taking snaps.:p

And that would be when, exactly?

Bringer of Good News (which one I'm talking about, you decide.)

This does not look good.

This definitely does not look good.

So the stairs are there, but where's the plane? And did I mention that this really definitely does not look good (considering that it was only about 5:00 p.m. at that time)?

Epilogue

2006-07-27T18:40:00.000+08:00

So the plane finally came (after 8 hours and a few minutes of being delayed). Woohoo! Everyone fell asleep as soon as they plopped down on their seats. Everyone except for me, that is. I was so bored that I took some of these photos. On a side note, that has got to be the worst plane ride I have ever been in. With all my phobia on flying, that was the only time I was tempted to use the barf bag. Seriously. It felt like my heart went down my stomach and promptly got digested. More than a dozen air pockets, weird plane noises, and one paranoid kid do not a good combination make.

Still, I'm thankful we arrived in one piece. Praise God for that.

After ten million years...

Didn't realize that my reflection can be seen.:p

oh, the temptation.

Fighting For Love

2006-07-05T00:13:00.000+08:00

ROGUE: Remy, if ya have any feelings for me, any at all, leave me alone.
GAMBIT: S'funny, m' feelin's f'r ya are the very same reason I'm stayin'.

Last week, some of my friends and I were hanging out when one of them happened to mention something from the book “Captivated” that caught her eye. She said that women have this inner desire to be fought for or over by the man that she loves. To be honest, I was quite disturbed when I heard that at first. This is the 21st century, after all, not the medieval ages. Hey, women nowadays are lucky for guys to open doors for them. I actually was a bit offended by that thought at first, because I thought, “Come on! Women aren’t as sappy and weak as we were years ago! We’re strong individuals; we’re not pieces of meat for dogs to be fighting over!” It took me a moment to process the information before I did understand what she meant by that. For sure, we’ve come a long way from that time when cavemen beat each other’s heads with wooden clubs to win the, erm, cavewoman (at least, I hope we have), and as we have evolved from that time, so did our understanding of being “fought for.” It has gone from club-beating, to jousting, to slaying dragons, to whatever it is that men do to prove how strong they are (which in most instances just has to be a showing of brute force). These days, however, are completely different. These days involve a different kind of “fighting.”

Now, fighting could mean going for the person that you love no matter what other people will say. Fighting is not being afraid to pursue the other person, even if you are afraid of rejection. Fighting may be fighting against one’s own inhibitions, knowing that the woman is a strong person that other people might be afraid of, but still going out for it because. Fighting is not being afraid of the consequences, but at the same time caring about what the future will hold for the two of them. Fighting is not always being the knight in shining armor, but sometimes just being there when you are needed, time and attention being what is sought. Fighting is in being able to sift through one’s emotions, and determining for one’s self that what one is feeling is in fact love. Plain and simple. The circumstances might be difficult, the people involved might not be the easiest in the world, but there is the unpretentious knowledge of loving that person. That is what is involved in the story of Rogue and Gambit. Even with their inability to touch, even with all the fighting and crusading that they do, even with their dark pasts, they know that they love each other, and they are determined to make things work. Rogue couldn’t touch people, not without running the danger of killing them. Gambit, on the other hand, is a playboy who chases after anyone wearing a (figurative) skirt. They run the risk of hurting each other in more ways than one. Still, they choose to fight for what they know is theirs by right. For sure, in the “real world,” there is no such thing as sucking out one’s life force by mere touch, red on black eyes, the ability to charge objects and make them explode, and other kinds of super powers, but I think it’s a good portrayal of what fighting for love actually means (and yes, a way to release my annoyance that Gambit was still not in the film, argh!). It's not about the hitting, or the smashing, but more on fighting for what love means to a person.

Love Letter to No One

2006-06-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

Love is an irony
When joy comes in great sorrow
And sorrow come just when you feel great joy
How will I know if it is love that I feel?
How can I say you are the one I waited for?
My heart is deceitful,
Eager to fall and be bruised over and over again
My eyes see only what they want to perceive,
Not what is true and what is real
My mind knows not what is genuine, what is imaginary,
What is a dream, a hope, a wish, a memory, a fantasy
If it is a dream, I pray I would not wake up
If hope, that I may never stop trusting
If a wish, that I may not cease imagining
If a memory, that I may not forget
If a fantasy, that I may not be brought back
But love is as real as real goes
It is not a guessing game, not a children’s sport
But one involving the entirety and sacrifice
Where the victor claims the spoils, the loser becoming broken
Yet strangely complete
Can I ever cease feeling pain?
Can I ever be numb to what is around me?
No, I will not, as much as I would want to be
For I am human, but flesh and blood
Capable of hurting, capable of bleeding
I care not for games, with hearts involved
For when they fall, they will shatter, unless there is someone to catch them
Will there be someone to break the fall?
When I love, I know it would hurt,
Yet it would fill me with wonder
When I love, I know it would be to a scarred heart
- As is mine.

One Last Chance

2006-06-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

One last chance to tell you how you changed my world
How you made me see things in a new light
To see that everything is well and good
To stop living under a perpetual cloud

One last chance to tell you how you made me happy
Making the simplest things seem like small miracles
When, by a few words and a kind demeanor
You made each day less painful and more beautiful

One last chance to tell you my pent-up emotions
Things I have held in for the longest time
Knowing that these have to be said
Yet always choosing to let fears and doubts overcome me

One last chance to tell you how much you have hurt me
When you played games with my emotions
Yet I honestly cannot say that I despise you
Because you still made my life worth living

One last chance to tell you I love you
That despite of the tears, the pain, the anger
You are the only one to have made me feel this way
You taught me to give the most that I can

One last chance
And all I did was say goodbye.

Narito Ako

2006-06-08T14:09:00.000+08:00

Sa bawat araw na hinaharap ko
Ikaw lamang ang sandalan ko
Tagapuno ng lakas sa aking kahinaan
Tagasalo ng mga luhang tila walang katapusan

Paano ko nga ba maibabalik ang kabaitan Mo?
Paano ko mababayaran ang utang ko?
Ang pagmamahal Mo ay sadyang walang katapat
Na higit buhay man ay hindi matatapatan

Narito lamang ako, Panginoon
Naghihintay na matawag mo
Nagnanais lamang na ipakita ang pag-ibig ko
Isang anak na humahanga sa kanyang Ama

Sadyang kay hirap mabuhay sa mundong ito
Ang bawat pagsikat ng araw ay nagdadala ng matinding sakit
Ngunit ang kalooban ko ay hindi mababagabag
Sapagkat kapayapaan ko’y hawak ng Maykapal

Narito lamang ako, Panginoon
Inaabangan ang salita Mo
Sa kahit ano mang paraan na nais Mo
Sana’y masuklian ko ang alay Mo

See You, Peter

2006-05-24T16:58:00.000+08:00

See You, Peter

Last week, I was able to watch two films on cable: “Finding Neverland” and “Peter Pan” (three guesses on what the connecting theme is.) It’s really amazing to be able to experience being a child again, even if it comes out only in what you see. You get to dream once again: of flying, of visiting a secret land only you and a few others know of, of fairies and pirates, of a place both mysterious and magical. In the end, however, the viewer, like Wendy, Michael, and Peter, has to go back to the real world to be who s/he is expected to be.

Is that really true, though? Do you have to get out of what your inner self is telling you just so you can live the way other people expect you to be? True, Wendy did come out of Neverland to grow up, but even when she became an adult, she was still able to see Peter. Why is that? Maybe because inside, she’s still the same child who first encountered Peter, and no matter how many years she’ll put on, she’ll always be that little girl whose window is always open for him to come in.

An existentialist philosopher once said that life is like waking up from a dream and entering a nightmare – it’s better to stay in a fantasy than end up living in something infinitely more difficult. That’s probably why a lot of people choose to escape from the world in their own way: some choose to rely on substances, others on people, and still a number immerse themselves into work. All of these, however, have the same goal: to avoid truly living. Sure, life is sweet, but it’s not all bubblegum and candy canes. At some points in your life, it’s inevitable that you feel pain. Some may experience it more, some less, but everyone goes through that. I know firsthand what it’s like to hurt, and believe me, pain is no laughing matter. Yet this is what makes us grow up, more than what mere years would give us, more than how many birthday candles we blow. It’s in our experiences that we are able to mature, and to be stronger people.

Growing up hurts. Physically, sure, it does. From the moment you get out of your mother’s womb, you feel pain already: the harshness of the light, being literally cut off from your mother, having to rely on your own system (at least normally) to function well so as to sustain you. As you grow up, you trip occasionally, and all that remains is to stand up, brush yourself off, and continue walking. It hurts to fall. You’ll end up bruising, scraping, wounding yourself a number of times, and even then, you can’t say you’re an expert walker. Yet you forge on, because you know you’re the only one who can walk for you. Your parents can only stand on the sidelines and watch you wobble and learn to stand on your own two feet. They might help you stand when you fall, but you’re the one who is supposed to learn from your own mistakes, not for them to analyze it for you and spoonfeed you. Pain is necessary for us to learn.

Speaking of spoonfeeding, Hebrews 5:11-14 has something to say about spiritual feeding. It speaks of baby Christians needing milk, but for those who are spiritually mature, solid food is what is called for. I was thinking about why of all metaphors this has been used, when it came to me: it’s not easy for children to be weaned from their bottles, is it? I never had the chance to take care of a baby in my life, but I imagine how difficult it is for the child to be separated from something that s/he takes comfort in, especially since this is what feeds them in the first place. Yet it is important for them to be taken off the bottle. Not only does excessive bottle feeding ruin teeth, but there’s only so much milk can do for them: the rest they have to get from solid food. When we were still baby Christians, we still had to be guided because we were still starting out. We still had no idea of the basic concepts of our faith, and that’s why someone has to take us by the hand to teach us. Yet as we grow more mature, we also should learn to stand up on our own and look for Him with our own eyes, ears, senses, everything that the Lord provided us with to find Him. We can’t remain on spiritual milk forever – that would mean that our faith is stagnant, and that would be an insult to Him. It’s like we’re saying that He’s only up to a certain level, and beyond that, we won’t learn anything from and about Him any longer. Our God is awesome and majestic. Give ten million years, and we probably would have barely scraped the surface of who He is, metaphorically speaking. He makes Himself known to us via His Word, the Spirit, other people, and also by our experiences. Like I said a while ago, we will end up hurting at certain points, but if we take the time to see what God is teaching us, these will cease to be burdens but moments where we can truly encounter Him and praise Him. A Christian author I read (I think it was David Jeremiah) wrote that it’s not so much in the times that we are happy do we glorify God, but in times of trial when we still choose to worship and glorify Him despite of what we’re going through.
What about Wendy and Peter? I dare say it’s still lovely to be a good sometimes.:D

Solitary Confinement

2006-05-08T10:46:00.000+08:00

Trapped.

Walls all around.

Too dark.

Can’t breathe.

Where am I?

Why am I here?

Have to get out.

What have I done?

What can I do?

Hands are bleeding. Walls are too hard.

Where is everyone?

Is anyone there?

I can’t hear anyone.

Am I alone?

Is no one there to hold my hand?

No one to wipe my tears?

Does the sun still exist?

Streaming warmth lighting the world.

Do birds still chirp?

Nature’s orchestra delighting everyone.

A memory, or a dream?

Cold. So Cold.

Can anyone hear me?

Does anyone know I’m here?

Am I still alive?

Does anyone care?

Why are my cheeks wet?

Why am I breathing heavily?

Are you there?

Can you save me?

Help me.
I need your help.

Present-Day Martyrs

2006-04-25T16:03:00.000+08:00

Present-Day Martyrs

Let us talk about soap operas for a few minutes. You know, those shows on TV that are terribly formulaic: poor girl meets rich boy, they fall in love, and they swear to be with each other for all eternity. And they lived happily ever after? No! Or at least, not immediately. The girl has to suffer beyond belief first, under the dastardly villains who are so intent on wreaking havoc on her life, and usually for the most inane reasons. The heroine, however, does not react against them. The most she could do is to cry in her sleep, until a certain part in the plot wherein she finds the strength and nerve inside her to fight back (you can almost hear the viewers cheering for her as she slaps the face of her nemesis). Before she transforms into a lioness, however, she is the quintessential battered victim, not even saying “Ow!” when just about all of her hair has been forcefully yanked.

This is now the commonly-held perception of who a “martyr” is. The portrayal is almost always that of someone who is abused and does not do anything about it, not because it is his/her choice to remain quiet, but usually because she is scared of the possible consequences of her actions, if she decided to fight back. In short, “martyrs” are considered to be spineless jellyfish, not having any backbone to stand up for his/her own rights. Martyrdom is seen in such negative light nowadays. In fact, one of the common expressions here in the Philippines is “Masyado kang pa-martir!” or any of its derivations, usually said by someone berating a friend for being too cowardly, too silent, or (perish the thought) “too nice.”

With all that in mind, is there anyone in the world who would choose to be a martyr? The probable answer would be no, but the thing is, we’re not out to look what the world is saying, right? It presents martyrs as people who have no ability to stand up for themselves, to speak up, in essence, to be weak. All of those are lies. To prove that, let’s look into the biggest martyr the world has ever seen: Jesus Christ.

Was He unable to stand up for what He believed in? No. In fact, He did not care one whit what the people would do to Him, just as long as He is able to minister to these same individuals. He was utterly fearless, fulfilling His purpose, knowing that it would eventually lead to His death. Was He unable to speak for Himself? No. He went from place to place delivering the Father’s message, not being afraid of the maltreatment He would be receiving, and from the highest officials to boot. Did He cry alone in the corner when He was being persecuted? No. Instead, He went on to continue doing what he has to do, even with the knowledge that the next town might just bring Him more pain and suffering. That does not sound like someone who is weak.

The most prevalent characteristic of martyrs is meekness, and this should not be equated with weakness. I remember reading a devotional (I think it was written by David Jeremiah) that said that to be meek does not mean allowing one’s self to be a doormat, allowing other people to just trample you just because you can’t defend yourself. That implies submission because there is no other choice. Meekness implies a conscious decision to be exactly that. When you think about it, meek people actually have a stronger will than other people. Instead of giving in to their instinct to fight back, they temper that and choose not to respond. It’s not about having the courage not to fight back, but having the strength not to. What good would it do to retaliate, in the first place? In the long run, it does more harm than good, if it does any of the latter at all. It would, in fact, make things worse, because the both of you would have something against the other. Retaliation is pointless. Taking justice in your own hands does not accomplish anything, except that you would go out of your way to look for your own punishment for what you have done. One bad thing does not negate another. Is it also not a sign of pride why we want to get back to the person who has hurt us? It gives the “avenger” the satisfaction of not allowing another to have one over you, not allowing that person to be superior to you, to a degree. Is that really a good thing?

Even though the Lenten season has come and gone, I hope and pray that all of us would continue to share in the Passion of Jesus, His pain and suffering, and to do exactly what He has done: be a meek lamb.

Isaiah 50:6-7 “I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard; my face I did not shield from buffets and spitting. The Lord God is my help, therefore, I am not disgraced; I have set my face like flint, knowing that I shall not be put to shame.”

Popping My Balloons

2006-04-19T01:16:00.000+08:00

For those who already know me, you are probably aware of my compulsiveness regarding plans. I would not commit myself to anything that does not have a definite structure. I would prefer not to step out of the house if there is still no substantial idea on what actually is entailed in what I am supposed to do. I try to make contingency plans in case the original one explodes in my face in the middle of the execution of it. I’m pretty much a systematic person, in that I tend to think more of in bullet points rather than in something more hodge-podge.

That’s who I am. That’s what I’ve been used to for almost all my life. Before I even reached the latter half of my college years, I already made plans of entering law school. If I don’t pass, then grad school. If that does not work either, then I work, and the latter also has its own options. I wanted to go and write. If that’s not the way the wind blows, then I get into advertising. If that does not work either, I go corporate. I’ve always been used to having at least a tangible idea that I can work on. If there isn’t anything existing yet, I make one up. I dislike “winging it,” because it ruins the order I’ve worked on in my head. Anal, I know. Yet for me, I believe that it’s better for a person to already have a clear-cut plan instead of being totally clueless when already there. It’s one of the aspects of my personality that I consider as a “safety net” – something that I know I can always fall back on when things are difficulty.

Yet we know that God wants us to get out of our comfort zones, and this just happens to be quite a huge one for me.

All my life, I have known, or at least have some sort of an idea where I’ll be going. I always try and come up with a plan, and I try to organize the things that I’ll be doing for the day down to the last minute. Yet now, I’m completely clueless of what my future will hold, and this is a first for me. I absolutely have no idea where I’m going to be come June, and it scares me that I can’t foresee where I will be by that time. I’m scared, because this is outside of what I thought would happen, even with the contingency plans in my head.

The thing with law school is, you really have to be 100% committed when you’re in it. A little deviation from the straight line that you’re supposed to walk on, and you’ll find yourself in such a funk that is so hard to recover from. It’s not even in the difficulty of the subjects that a person will find problematic; it’s in the interest that you have in the course, and going all the way. No matter how difficult something is, if you truly enjoy what you’re doing, it would not seem as hard. I’ll be honest: I’m not happy. I’m really, really not happy, almost from the beginning that I went to law school. I honestly don’t think that this is for me, because my way of thinking is almost completely different from the way law should be looked into. The funny thing about this is that it’s something that I’ve always wanted, but when I got it, I want out.

One thing I’ve realized about myself is that education has become a crutch for me. I’m fortunate because I already have had a full-fledged education and even continually pursuing it, as opposed to a lot of people who have no means of sending themselves or their kids to school. In connection to the first statements I have made, I almost always dwell on concepts and theories, which is one of the reasons why I love philosophy. I love to analyze situations, and then try to go and figure out how to solve it. I have a very strong tendency to dwell in mind workings and rely on these heavily. The way I saw it, education is the only true answer to problems, excepting faith. Our country can only improve if there are more educated people in it who can go and help make things better. I can only help people achieve justice and improve their lives via a degree in law. I realized only recently that while it helps, it’s not really a catch-all solve-all to the world’s problems. It is important, but there are alternatives out there that can make you achieve your purpose. It’s not taking the short cut in this instance. Rather, it’s in listening to your heart and what the Lord is trying to teach you instead of just sticking to that single plan in your head which you considered to be the only thing worth fulfilling. He says that His ways are not our ways, and that is really true. We can make all sorts of beautiful plans in our head, but if it’s contrary to what He wants for us, He will not make what we expected happen. It’s a harsh reality check, but then again, He knows what is best for us. We can’t perceive what will actually happen in the future. Only He knows what will occur, and He wants us to have what is best, and that is why He brings us to the situations that we face. Does that mean, then, that I’m not scared that I don’t know what will happen? No. I still am, particularly if you put in other factors into consideration. I’m walking into a situation virtually blind, with absolutely no idea what to expect, no idea where I’ll find myself tomorrow. Yet He gave His word that He will take care of me, and I claim that.

God popped my balloons, those I filled with helium and expected to float for days. Maybe this eagerness to get out is also a balloon He’s just waiting to deflate, I really can’t say. All I know is that all throughout the year that I spent in law school, He already stuck a pin up a lot of the ones I hold in my hand, yet He continues to replace them with new ones, even more magnificent than the ones that popped.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”

2006-04-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

I love you.

The sweetest sound anyone can hear
Way beyond “sorry” and “thank you”

I love you.

A cure for any infirmity
Heals a broken person, mends a broken heart

I love you.

Extends to the realm of grammar
When noun becomes verb and stays that way

I love you.

A genuine statement passing through my lips
A blessing that people might know they are special

I love you.

Not to accept the person for who he is
But to love him despite of what he is

I love you.

Said from the deepest core of my being
Extends beyond feelings and suffuses everything that I am

I love you.

Small gestures become huge things
When you know these are offered from the heart

I love you.

When actions speak for themselves
And not words become unnecessary for what you want to say

I love you.

It cannot be stripped away
Rain may come, sun might shine, but my devotion remains with you

I love you.

A song and prayer of the heart
That people might know what you truly mean.

When Change is Beautiful

2006-04-03T01:20:00.000+08:00

Unlike a lot of people in the world today, I’m really not the best person to adapt to change. While some may revel in the various shifts in their lives day by day, I find myself dreading to see what exactly will change from my schedule. It’s not like I enjoy routine – far from it. Too much of a boxed life will probably make me end up screaming my head off and running away to the opposite direction. It’s just that, sometimes, I don’t like the nice clean schedule in my head go awry for something I totally did not expect to happen. Just when you think you’ve got a contingency for every little eventuality you could think of planned and set up already, along comes a circumstance that is so out there that the possibility of it happening is probably one in a million chances, and voila, it is the millionth chance! The unexpected always happens.

These past months, I’ve seen so many changes happen: a lot of them good, but the not-so-good ones also cannot be avoided. It’s quite funny how you can actually think you’ve got everything all figured out only to have everything blow up in your face. You take for granted things that you assume will remain constant forever, only to see that it is dynamic, and it will change in the exact moment you expected it to be still. The only constant thing is change. How true can it get? One can live an extremely paranoid life if all one does is to expect just what exactly will change. The amazing thing is that God did not make us that way. For sure, we might become just a bit jumpy when something unfamiliar happens, but at least we don’t scream hysterically when something shifts. We adjust to what’s happening. Grudgingly sometimes, out of no other choice, perhaps, but we do go with what is taking place. In effect, as the world changes, so do we change. So should we change. We’re not meant to be the exact same persons as we were a year ago, heck, even a day ago. We might not notice that we are, but we do. No one can step in the same river twice. How can that happen, when the person stepping and the river itself have changed in the interval?

I’ve thought about why people seem so averse to changes. I guess it’s primarily the disturbance it causes in the neat little world we have knitted ourselves, and that it threatens to unravel all that we have worked hard on. Good or bad, it endangers the safe little bubble we made. It puts us in danger of being thrust from our security, our comfort zones, into somewhere unfamiliar. For those who are like me who want to dissect the details of the situation they are in (read: overanalyzing), this is particularly difficult. Before we jump into something, we would want to understand every nook and cranny, turn the situation upside-down and inside-out, and visualize the situation and imagine all possible scenarios before making a decision. Yet sometimes, we don’t have the luxury of checking it out before we are thrust into it. We only find ourselves analyzing it only after it has occurred. Doesn’t beat examining it beforehand, but at least it’s better than nothing, right?

Recently, I’ve been experiencing a lot of changes. Though some are internal, most are from external sources that still affect my system. Certainly, a lot of it is good, but all are really unexpected. Sometimes, I’d find myself grinning bemusedly over what just happened, not certain what exactly occurred, but being inanely pleased about it. God has been so good to me, for always listening and being there when I need Him. Just recently, I got amazed upon seeing just how differently He has changed my perspective. I’d see the things going on around me as being willed by Him to happen, to help me grow as a person, to teach me lessons in life, to enjoy His love and devotion. I’d see little miracles happen; things that I did not expect would occur in the next ten million years would materialize before my very eyes. A lot of beautiful things have been happening, I won’t deny that. Yet what I also cannot deny is the fact that maybe, just maybe, God allowed those things to happen, but He does not will for a person to have something related to that, or at least, not yet. Maybe He allowed that as a preparation for something even more beautiful, but in our haste to get what we want, we end up preempting Him. In effect, we grab the blanket even before it has been offered to us. Maybe the Lord allowed it to happen for us to learn and to prepare for what He has in store for us. Maybe it’s a test that He’s allowed to happen, to see whether, when offered something really tempting, we’d forsake our devotion to Him for something that gives us probably only a quick fix. He says in Matthew 6:33. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these will be given to you.” The message can also be found in Psalm 37:4: “Delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desire.” What He is saying is that He should always be first above everything else. When change happens in our lives, we should not limit ourselves to seeing it in a limited sense; instead, we look beyond, to the horizon, that God brought us there in that exact time and place for a reason, and we can choose to learn from it, or just perceive it as the world perceives it: as something isolated from everything else. That is why change can be beautiful, when we know that it has been brought by Someone who desires what is best for us and loves us unconditionally. It’s always Him first. The verses were constructed that way for a reason. Furthermore, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is an appointed time for everything. When something happens in our lives, we can’t go and second-guess what the Lord wants for us. What I truly believe in is that everything happens for a reason. What is indispensable in that equation is that everything happens in a certain time, and in a certain place, for a reason. It is not by mere accident that we find ourselves in the situation we are placed in. There is a purpose for that, and I pray that we always find that purpose. There is a right time and a right place for something right. If God really wants something to happen in our lives, then He will make a way for that to happen, and no force can take that away. It is in our response to that situation that our faith and devotion can be seen.

I hear you whisper
Calling out my name
I turn and search for you
Your presence is the only thing I desire

Words are meaningless
Circumstances but a mere memory
What I treasure is time with you
And no one can take that away from us

Every moment I spend with you is bliss
Yet I find myself looking for more
I thirst for you, long to hear your voice
Home is where you are

The more I come to know you
The more I am drawn to know you more
What I know about you is never enough
But I am sure that everything about you is simply beautiful

The world is filled with uncertainty
Pain and suffering lurk in every corner
But I know where comfort from all the anguish lies
Tucked in the cradle of your loving arms

Life is but a breath
But I would spend my first or last on you
A million years I will give up
For even just a single day spent with you

Some Updates

2006-03-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

So I can't think of a creative title. Sue me.

Haha! In all actuality, I haven't really been in tune with the right side of my brain. I could say that it's because everything's starting to get a little crazy it's already crunch time in school, but the truth is, I really can't write anything creative. Or think about anything creative. I guess I subconsciously felt I needed the brain space, so I (hopefully temporarily) flushed out all forms of creativity and resigned myself to (try to be) more logical these next few weeks.

First of all, I really just want to praise and thank God for a great semester. Now that it's coming to an end, I just want to express my gratitude to Him for making this so much better than what happened last semester. Thank God also for the upcoming end of the school year. Even if I have not learned a single iota in school itself (perish the thought), He's really taught me so many things this past year that no amount of books could compare to the experience of knowing Him more.

Second, I also thank the Lord for being so faithful and devoted. I finally said "Yes" to His command, and after that, I realized how He's just there waiting for us to acknowledge Him and to honor Him by obeying His command. When I finally answered, I really saw that He's really working and that He's just waiting for us to assent to His call to be His servants (Rev 3:20).

Third, I just praise and thank Him for all the things He's been doing for me. Whenever I need the strength, He's there to aid me. When I need someone to listen, He's there with a ready ear. When I need wisdom, He's there to clear my mind of random, skittering thoughts. He's always there, and He's blessing me so much, in just about every aspect of my life. He really knows what's best for all of us, and He's going to be there to provide what is best for us.

Lastly, I praise Him for the opportunities He gives to be able to serve Him, and I thank Him for a compassionate heart. I also thank Him for the times when He granted me sorely-needed patience instead of blowing up, and for making sure of the safety of all people.

That's about it. It's not saying much, but I feel that I need to write, no matter what. I'm pretty tired right now, and would probably progressively grow more exhausted as the days pass, but it's alright. If He wants me to be somewhere, sometime, someday, then let His will be done.

Mounting Frustration

2006-03-03T19:35:00.000+08:00

So.

Proclamation No. 1017 has already been lifted.

So.

Are we now supposed to go back to the way things were, as though nothing happened?

I hope not.

First, something did happen. People's rights were not merely trampled upon, but were virtually steamrollered. For a day short of a week, we were under pseudo-martial law, and I think the reason why most people did not blink about it was that it went under a different name.

Second, I do not want to go back to the way things were, if it means having to wake up everyday, being scared that another threat to national security (the government, or the people, whichever way your mind is directed to) would materialize.

It's ironic to think that during EDSA Revolution, Marcos was removed from his position and ended martial law (sure, he declared martial law to be lifted a few years before 1986, but that seemed a sham), and exactly 20 years after, we become subjected to something almost similar to that.

We have gone through a lot of different oppressors, both foreign and local, in our history. Though we have prevailed and are still standing right now, it seems that every time this happens, a small part of us gets amputated, never to be returned again.

This is the third time GMA declared that we are in a state of national emergency, and also the third time she lifted it - (coincidentally) before the case regarding the proclamation's constitutionality could reach the courts.

Given all these just made me think. Will we never learn from our mistakes? Will we always go through the same thing over and over again (as a telenovela on TV is entitled)? I know for a fact that Filipinos are not stupid; I honestly think that our race is made up of quite intelligent and resourceful people. Yet why do we never learn? Is it the famous Filipino hospitality, to the extent that we actually welcome all these, even if it brings us pain? If so, then that goes beyond hospitality and enters the realm of masochism.

Personally, I do not believe in rallies. I might agree with some of the reasons that people have when they go out to the streets, but I'm not comfortable with the means chosen. Rallying always brings the threat that this would be another EDSA Revolution, and I'm actually scared that the Philippines will reach EDSA No. 250, and people are still discontented. In short, there is a very real possibility that we will never outgrow this, and we are actually faced with the idea that every president may always be deposed/disposed of via this. I think that people are getting way too comfortable with the idea that we have this much power, that they do not really think carefully on who to elect, since, as a fallback, "we can always go to EDSA).

A person cannot please everybody - that's one of the major things I've learned in life, but what s/he can do is do the best that s/he can, and to outweigh the dissenters with those who are at least satisfied with the way things are.

So.

What do we do now?

On Bad Jokes and Coups

2006-03-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

A couple months’ back, I jokingly made two comments that, if told at the present time, would be in really bad taste. First was the wish for a coup attempt so that classes would be suspended; second would be my wish that I could observe martial law. I know just how horrible those comments were given this context now, but I ask for mitigation, considering that the former was a result of a lack of sleep and two- or three-inch thick readings for Constitutional Law. The latter, meanwhile, is one of my fascinations for the longest time; there’s something about the Marcos period that just pulls my interest, particularly since I was born after his time as president/monarch/dictator (weird, I know, but then, what is normal?).

I guess they really were right when they said, “Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true.” The first “joke” came true; the second, something akin to it is happening right now. For me, however, the present-day form is much worse than that horrific ruling the Philippines was forced to endure three decades ago. With martial law, at least you know where you’re standing. There are clear-cut boundaries made already – people know whether they’re violating laws or not. Now, with GMA’s declaration of “state of national emergency” in Proclamation 1017, coupled with General Order No. 5 (which directs the AFP and the PNP to carry out whatever means necessary to suppress terrorism and lawless violence), there are no visible lines that tell people what to do and what not to do. Rallies have been banned, numerous people have been arrested without warrants, and a newspaper office has been raided, with the other media threatened to be subject to the same (or worse) if they fail to conform with so-called “government standards” (whatever that means) – all of these done ostensibly in accordance to Proclamation 1017. What has it accomplished so far? The only thing I can see is that it has deprived people of their rights. The government cannot put up the defense that those are not rights, but privileges that they are “regulating,” because these aren’t privileges. These are rights inherent in every Filipino – freedom of the press, freedom of speech. Even warrantless arrests are prohibited under the Bill of Rights. All of these amount not only to a deprivation of these rights, but also that of due process. With Proclamation 1017, people can get thrown in jail without a trial. That’s distinctly unfair. Some might say that those people got what they deserve, but I beg to disagree. No one deserves that. Might as well throw out the Bill of Rights out the window if that’s what you’re going to do. A blockmate said that it is the government’s task to regulate the rights of the people. Right now, what it’s doing is not mere regulating, but completely junking it. You deprive these people of something they hold dear, probably the only thing that they can boast of as truly theirs.

GMA said that she allowed this because of all the mess going on around the Philippines, but I ask you, has it subsided since the declaration? No. Au contraire. A lot of people have taken to the streets even more now, not only for the rescission of such proclamation, but also for GMA to step down. Personally, I really hope that she would, if not because she’s not really supposed to be the “real” president of the Philippines (arrovo comes to mind), for the peace that her stepping down would bring. I’d be honest, I’ve stopped being a GMA supporter since approximately when I was a sophomore in college, when she declared to the entire world that the Philippines is an ally of the US of A. For me, that has got to be one of the most egg-headed thing that she could have done. First, it brings our country in the direct line of fire of the enemies of America. Second, what can the Philippines boast of as its defense system? I don’t mean to insult the National Defense, or the Armed Forces, but the probability that the country can stand its ground is practically nil, nada, zilch. Third, if it’s one thing that I hate, it’s suck-ups, and GMA proved to be one of the biggest suck-ups when she made that declaration. Fourth, even if she allied the Philippines to the USA, what guarantee does she have that America would come to our aid? And even if it did, would that not be an encroachment of the sovereignty of the Philippines, because it proves that we cannot stand on our own two feet? I don’t want to insult the leader of the country, but that was just egg-headed. Back to the present. She said that she would step down if anyone would give a better alternative on who would lead the country, and she implied that so far, no one looks fitting for the position. I agree with that speaker who said that that statement is an insult to the intellect of the Filipino people. There are how many million Filipinos right now, and she says no one is capacitated to take over? Come on. Either she underestimates Filipinos, or she has a really inflated view of herself. There’s no one better? What about the one sitting right now? Is she the better choice? Is that really the mandate of the people why she’s there to begin with? This is a really frustrating part; why the people can’t think of someone better. A part of the problem would be because they are looking at the direction of the same old people who are always involved in the power plays. How do we know that the next ruler can be found there and not somewhere else?

A huge part of the problem is, those people who want to take over the presidency are those who have ulterior motives – it’s always a “me” thing for them. They think about what they’ll be getting out of it that they don’t realize that the Philippines is bleeding so badly. The people are really hurting, whether they realize it or not. Another sad thing is that out of those people, a lot are too apathetic to do anything about the situation – or they (pretend to) not care. They’re the ones who are directly affected by it, but they’re not reacting. Wake up, people! It’s your country that’s dying right now! If you don’t care about the Philippines, then think about what’s going to happen to you! You can always say migration is always an option, but would other countries accept more Filipinos, when almost everyone is trying to escape the tumult? The Philippines does not really hold all that good a position in international eyes right now.

A sticky question that I’ve been asking myself for the past few days is, if I can do something to help the situation, what would it be? To do what is good, or to do what is right? To do what is good would be to just shut up and not to add to the mess that’s going on right now, because I’d end up being another nuisance. To do what is right would be do what I can to put an end to all these, and that means run the risk of, if not being directly subversive to the government, be an inciter. Heck, maybe I’d be imprisoned for all that I have said in this entry, never mind that I’m really upset, have been upset, these past days about the current situation. Maybe I’d be imprisoned for signing that freedom board in school that asks students who are against Proclamation 1017 to jot down their names there. Or maybe I’ll just be taken as some angsty student who’s venting her spleen for nothing. Right now, however, I just don’t care about these. The country’s suffering so much right now, and I’d rather it be relieved of its burden. Personally, however, I’m not all that comfortable with taking to the streets. I don’t believe in going and having an EDSA (insert number here) whenever we’re not comfortable with the Chief Executive. It’s an abuse of the so-called people power if that’s the only solution the citizens could think of. The situation’s turning into such a vicious cycle, and I don’t know if the Philippines has it in her to break it.

As far as jokes go, this is one of the least humorous. And honestly, I don’t think I can truly laugh while this situation is going on. I just can’t. I might end up looking as though I’m still the same, but I haven’t, for these past days. I can’t, knowing how horrible are. I can’t, because I feel the other people’s pain as my own.

Lord, I pray for our country. I pray for those who are in office to come and know You, Lord, and let them stop thinking about their own selves and instead seek what Your will is for them. Let them do their respective tasks according to the purpose that You’ve called them. Lord, I pray that Your blood cover the country, and save us from destroying what You have given us. You are the Great Healer, Lord, and I claim Your healing for this land.

Silence is Bliss

2006-02-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

“Our conversation’s changed from words to blah, blah, blah…”
Relient K, “Maintain Consciousness”

I am one of the people who are positively allergic with silence – at least, when there are others with me. That is why I end up saying the dumbest things when I’m with a group, because I cannot tolerate the lapses to silence when we’ve run out of things to say. Actually, speaking without thinking is almost second nature to me – I usually end up blabbing the first things that come to my mind. A lot of times, the things that I blurt out are so stupid that they’re funny (heck, that’s why I’m a RegCom Hall of Famer in the first place. Things like, “That’s the question to my answer!” will not be easily forgotten). Other times, they can be pretty embarrassing, because when I said I don’t think before I speak, I really do not think before I speak. Really. Words pop out of my mouth even halfway before my brain processed the sheer dumbness of the statement that I said (“Ma’am, I feel for him,” in a Legal Profession class comes to mind). Funnily, with all my blabbing and everything, it took me quite a long time to come up with this entry, which I think is long overdue. It’s something I’ve already planned to write a few months back, but for some reason, I haven’t done it. And ironic too, since this is my first real entry in over a month – not something where I pretend to be poetic and dramatic and come up with verses and lines that contain only a few words that cannot sufficiently be called sentences by any stretch of the imagination (speaking of which, I wrote five new ones, and they’re found right below this entry, so if you want to endure more of my brainless ramblings, feel free to check these out).

Anyway, I’m digressing. A few months back, the Lord has been telling me to watch the things that come out of my mouth. It wasn’t just a one time-big time thing during Quiet Time that I got a verse. A lot of verses from different books in the Bible told me to be careful with my words – Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Wisdom all spoke the same thing to me (Oh yeah, another digression, but this one small. Whenever God wants to tell us something, He really makes sure we get it. Now, for instance, the Lord wants me to do something, and what He does is that He gives the exact same message – except that these come from different books of the Bible. You could always say it’s just coincidence, I guess, but the thing is, even if I use a different Bible than from the one I normally use, it’s still the same verses I’m getting. I guess I’m being too stubborn again, since the Lord has to tell me multiple times for it to sink in my head). The most direct verses come from Proverbs – it is the one book that has warnings liberally sprinkled all over it. It’s not just lies that we should avoid saying. Everything that comes out of our mouth should be said deliberately, that is, things that we truly have thought about instead of just pratting about without any care. We can’t make the excuse that we did not mean what we said. The thing is, we could have not said it, had we taken even just a few moments to think what the effects our words could make.

There’s one verse in the Bible that goes, “Your tongue is like a double-edged sword.” It can cut both ways. What does this mean? I’ve been doing some research a few months ago, and I found out that the entire body could be lifted to the Lord as our pleasing sacrifice (Romans 12:1). Well, almost the entire body. The third chapter of James speaks of an organ that is quite small, yet can produce a lot of harm (v. 5).

Consider how a small fire can set a huge forest ablaze. The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehanna. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison, With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it, we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. (James 3:5-10)

Yikes. Quite scary, isn’t it? Proverbs 10:19 says, “Where words are many, sin is not wanting; but he who restrains his lips does well.” Our tongues are very fertile ground for the devil to plant and sow his evil works. Like I said a while ago, it’s not only in lying that we dishonor the Lord. We can sin against Him even unconsciously. We might say some things that, for us might not be bad, but in truth, we’re actually sinning already. An example of that would be when we talk about someone, worse if behind his/her back, worst if we insult him, no matter how good-natured the conversation might be. Another would be the words that we blurt out without thinking, usually the ones we say as a result of an overflowing of emotions. I have to admit, I’m guilty of that a lot of times, especially when my mood is not really on the sunny side. I end up snapping at people who did not do anything to me, and though I would immediately regret saying those things, the damage has already been done. I’ve already hurt someone, and though that person might forgive me for what I have said in that uncontrolled moment, “sorry” wouldn’t erase it. It’s truly sinning, when even if we do a ton of good deeds, it will not remove the sin that we have committed. It’s like spilling a glassful of water on a varnished table. Even if you wipe off the liquid and dry the surface, you will not be able to remove the mark left by the liquid.

Not many realize it, but words are an extremely powerful weapon to wield. It can ruin a perfectly fine relationship in less than five seconds by mere utterance. It can destroy a person’s reputation. It can cut quicker than a sword (Pr 12:18). It can cause so much damage in just a few moments. I remember the story of a mom who fully realized just how powerful words can be, and ironically, she discovered that when she lost her voice. She had a minor surgery that prevented her from speaking for six months, so what she did was that she had a notepad and pen always ready, writing on it and giving the sheet to the person she wants to communicate with. It was then that she realized that she could be quite harsh to her children when she was still able to talk, and sometimes, she caught herself writing a furious statement to hand it to one of her kids to scold him. Writing her thoughts made her more aware of what she is saying, and it made her think before actually “saying” something to the other person.

Another thing is that sometimes, we love the sound of our voices. So much so, that we end up blabbing away while the rest of humanity stares at us incredulously. Wait, let me correct that. While the rest of humanity blab themselves. Everyone’s so busy talking that they forget to listen. That’s why a lot of people end up not understanding each other, because they don’t make any effort to comprehend. It’s always a “me” thing. It’s this mindset: there’s no “I” in “team”, but there’s M-E. People are so engrossed with themselves that they forget that there are other people around them, or if they do remember, they think that other people are created to listen to them. Proverbs 18:7 says, “The fool’s mouth is his ruin; his lips are a snare to his life.” On the other hand, Pr 27:2 says, “Let another praise you – not your own mouth; someone else – not your own lips.” Also, Pr 23:15, “My inmost being will exult, when your lips speak what is right.” The Bible really is teaching us to watch our words, to speak what is right and what is good. It is not to honor ourselves, or disgrace others. It is to honor Him. Psalm 52, entitled “The Deceitful Tongue,” talks about those who wield their tongues for evil. Yet at the end, the psalmist declared, “I, like an olive tree in the house of God, trust in God’s faithful love forever. I will praise you always for what You have done. I will proclaim before the faithful that Your name is good.” From how I understood it, the reason why there was a sudden shift of the author’s tone from the condemning of those with viperous tongues to praising God is because as a Christian, he, as should the rest of us, should use our tongues to praise Him instead of to deceive others, and to proclaim to others that He is King. As an extension, we should also use our speech and conduct to bless others, being effective witnesses for Him and glorifying Him in the process.

Redemption

2006-02-22T22:42:00.001+08:00

I set my eyes on the horizon
Uncertain but not unsure
Running to the edge
Falling but not fallen
Caught in Your loving arms
Tight but not strangling
Led to a definite path
Winding but not tiring
Brought to a new world
Unfamiliar but not unwelcome

Looking, I see You
I have found You
Or is it You who found me?
My heart sings praises
My love has been found

Freedom has begun.

Beyond Comprehension

2006-02-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

Stranded in the dark
No path to follow
Tripping in virtual blindness
Then you brought me to the light

Rainy day has come
No hope of shelter in sight
Drenched to the bone, shivering
Then you brought me warmth

My Knight in shining armor
My angel in my distress
How you always come at the right time
I could not begin to fathom

You know to be there when I need you
Always ready even when I do not call
I know without doubt
You will be there catch me when I fall

Words alone are not enough
But then, maybe they are not needed
When actions speak for themselves
Of love that will save me through and through

My safety I lay in Your hands
My trust, my heart
I know You will be my Savior
The rest of my life, for all eternity

Blink

2006-02-22T22:41:00.001+08:00

(Just a short note: this is an aborted short story - at least in my mind when when I was a freshman in college. Wanted to try it out as a poem.:p)

A sudden flash
And a myriad of colors appear
Circling, surrounding, dizzying
I drown in the sheer ecstasy of it
An intense stare, a half-smile, and I was lost
My heart, cupped by your gentle hands
I dance with you, in seeming perpetuity

Then with a blink of the eye
It has gone
As though it never was
Will it ever be again?
Yet my heart still sings
For I have loved you, even for just a moment

Flashes

2006-02-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

Brightness.
Blind.
Noise.
Deaf.
Chilling wind.
Numb.
Sensations.
Desensitized.
Darkness.
Brink.
Drowning.
Lost.
Help.
Reach.
Release.
Freedom.
Embrace.
Home.

Ode to Depression

2006-02-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

Ashes fall from the sky
Seeming gray snowflakes drifting in the wind
Darkness covers the world
A veritable shadowy blanket providing no comfort
None at all
Coldness seeps through thin rags
A sheer travesty of clothes
Tremors run up and down the spine
Once ramrod-stuff now bent by weariness
A young body, an ancient soul
Not knowing who or what or why
Security not a guarantee for today
What more come tomorrow?

Askance

2006-02-09T19:55:00.000+08:00

Why do you always protect me?
Why are you looking after me?
What have I done to deserve You?
Your gift is something I embrace
Treasure beyond value
Why did You choose and call me?
My unworthiness compared to Your glory
I scarce can understand why You would offer
everything you have for me
You risk all You are
Reputation, dignity, Your whole life put on the line
Am I worth it?
Am I worth all Your sacrifice?
You are on my heart's pedestal
I look upon You on high
You reached down and brought me home
Your scars a mute testimony of Your love
Beyond comprehension is Your trust in me
Above all reason is Your devotion
Gratitude suffuses my being, love fills my soul
May I be in Your presence forever

Faith's Paradox

2006-02-09T19:44:00.000+08:00

You
You have stolen my heart
And I have no intention of taking it back
Possess all my heart as You take all of me

You
You you have broken my world
And I don't want to go back to what it was
Breathe on me and let me soar higher than what it offers

You
You let me go through fire
And my life is on flame, burning for sweet release
Refine me and remove all my impurities

You
You made me be hated
And I would trade all of the world's concern
Tear me from my reality and bring me to the truth

You
You stripped me bare
And I would offer everything I take pride in
Bind me to You for all eternity

You
You allowed me to be scourged
And I am clothed by Your blood
Mark me as Yours

Repentance

2006-01-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

Promises have been broken
Oaths I swore upon my own flesh
Your heart I have broken again
How long will I continue doing this?

My heart bleeds
My soul cries out
The stench of my deeds emanate everywhere
The vileness choking the life out of me

All pride is stripped away
All of me bared
There is nothing left unseen
All nooks and crannies of my being exposed

Apologies are not enough
For forgiveness has already come
A change of heart is what is needed
To bring me back to You

How do I change something so callused?
How do I bring back something that is lost?
Where am I to find redemption
When I threw You love out the door?

Nothing I can offer will be of worth
Indeed, there is nothing I possess
All I have is my soul
Broken, battered, smashed into a million pieces

Every wrong thing I do
Brings the lamb back to the slaughter
Many times have I pierced Your side
But You refuse to abandon me

I fall upon a puddle of tears
Yet even as I shed water, You have offered blood
I cry out for all the wretchedness in my life
Yet Your own life was given for me

When will I get rid of my selfishness
To realize that it never has been about me
But all for You who washed me clean
Love was executed for freedom

Your blood sealed me whole
As firmly as the nails bound me to You
You have taken me back as many times as I have fallen
A Father taking His prodigal child back in His arms

No words can say how much I need You
Nothing can express how much I love You
I am nothing without You
Take me back into Your arms

Everytime I turn to You
You wash my slate clean with Your blood
Wiping it with Your own flesh
And I fall down on my knees again

Things To Be Thankful For This Week

2006-01-22T22:02:00.000+08:00

1. For my upcoming birthday (Thank You for 19 years!)
2. For the Manny Pacquiao victory (I hate boxing, but it's a Philippine victory)
3. For the upcoming Singles event
4. For those who will be able to attend that Singles event (let Your will be done!)
4. For not having our Crim Law class on Saturday, so I won't be worrying about it Friday night
5. For the take-home exam for Crim, and the one-week period to work on it
6. For the advance warnings You give me on days I get called for recitation (haha! this one's very true!)
7. For letting me still have my moments where I can enjoy nature
8. For the lovely people in my life who makes it less dreary, especially those who are continually bringing me close to You whether they know it or not
9. For the peace that You gave me that no turmoil can overcome
10. For Your great love, devotion, and faithfulness. Words can't express just how much I love You and how much I am thankful that You brought me to You

Thank You, Lord, for everything. I love You so much.

John Doe

2006-01-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

Who are you?
To take my heart away
As surely as you took my breath away

Who are you?
To make me long to see your face
As much as I want to hear your voice

Who are you?
To make me sing with joy by the mere thought of you
As much as I want to dance upon seeing you

Who are you?
To make my eyes fill with tears
As much as to fill my heart with joy

Who are you?
To make me hope for something unseen
As though I had an assurance of your love

Who are you?
Who are you?

Soulsong

2006-01-18T18:16:00.000+08:00

My voice breaks through the fog
Transcends over the mindless noise
As steadily and as surely it rises from the loud silence
To reach the highest heavens in praise

My eyes penetrate the thick darkness
Pierces through the shadows on the walls
The clouds of blindness fall away
To see the most brilliant light they could ever perceive

My hands and feet cross the driest deserts
Climb to the peaks of the highest mountains
All the pain and tiredness of the journey fade away
Upon the great beauty of destiny

I soar like the greatest eagles
Swim like the swiftest dolphins
My being drawn inexorably to you
By Love's gentle pull

[As surely as You call
So my soul responds
What can make me filled more than this
Than by Love's sweet embrace]

Due Process in Everyday Life

2006-01-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

“The closed mind has no place in the open society.”
- Cruz, J., Ynot v. Intermediate Appellate Court, 148 SCRA 659

We have just about finished discussing the due process clause of the Philippine Constitution in our Constitutional Law II class. Considering that there is only one provision in the 1987 Constitution, it’s quite interesting to note that this obscure term encompasses quite a broad field of topics. Heck, in our class syllabus, it’s the section that covers the most areas (and paper space, almost two full pages devoted entirely to it). Anyway, going back to the provision, it states that, “No person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, nor shall any person be denied the equal protection of the laws” (Art. III, Sec. 1 of the 1987 Constitution). In essence, it says that no person can be hanged without trial. Doesn’t sound vague, doesn’t it? However, you would be really surprised just how many cases have due process as its main issue, and how many others having it on the side (with mashed potatoes and gravy, if you please). A huge source of the problem is that sometimes, it really is quite hard to decide between the interests of a single person versus the interest of the State, or, as they claim, the greater good. Both are equally weighty, but since there are supposedly more people on the latter side, the scales usually tilt in their favor.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about this, whether an individual right can always be sacrificed for the greater good. That’s the whole idea of the social contract theories. Even if it divides into various directions, it generally states the same thing: that each individual has to surrender a bit of personal freedom for the society. Salus populi est suprema lex and sic utere tuo ut alienum non laedas. The subordination of individual interest to the benefit of the greater number. While everyone else will greatly advantage the larger group, what about that other person? Is it right to deprive a person of what is due him just so others can benefit at his expense? I’m not here to be an activist for selfishness, but doesn’t that person have an inherent right, too, the same as everyone else’s? Think about it this way: if a ship filled with people gets marooned in some far-flung island, would it be right to murder one of their number (which would probably escalate as time passes) to serve as food for the others? When you get down to it, that’s still murder, no matter how many stomachs that poor person filled. I suppose it wouldn’t matter if that person gave that right willingly, but what if it was forcibly taken from his hands?

On the flip side, wouldn’t that person be so incredibly self-centered that he would go about brandishing his rights about, while knowing that everyone else is suffering? In the social contract theory, the individuals surrender a chunk of their rights to enjoy something greater: peace and harmony in the society. That’s why criminals and felons are punished, because they stand to threaten something that a large number of people have subscribed to, and not without their expense. Can a person just flaunt that he is enjoying something, knowing all the while that he is directly running over other people’s interests? Can an individual continually assume that his rights are always ascendant over other persons, to the extent that that would be the only thing he would be pursuing, and disregarding whether he breached others’ rights? Would it be right for a person to take justice in his own hands and be a crusader for what he believes in, to the extent that he is practically shoving down his beliefs, which might not possibly be completely right, down everyone else’s throats?

If due process were to be strictly enforced in society, we all would have broken it, and possibly in every day of our lives. We automatically judge something or someone without even giving it/them the benefit of doubt, assuming that our perceptions are right just because. But the thing is, what we see might not necessarily be what is real, what is true. We believe in what we want to believe, and when it gets disproved, our world would feel as though it collapsed. I think it’s the pride in us that’s talking a lot of times. It’s one of those brash things about humanity that just makes us disgusted with ourselves, but does not prevent us from doing it anyway. We choose to go with people when their opinions are relatively the same as others. However, if we see something wrong in that, we see them in a negative light that has the danger of being a stigma which cannot be removed easily. Alternatively, a society accepts those that follow its own traditions and beliefs, but if an individual acts contrary to that general construct that that circle is following, he becomes in danger of being treated as a pariah. In short, we hang people (at least in our heads) just because their thoughts do not always coincide with our beliefs. In plain speaking, “bad shot na siya sa iyo.” We tend to forget that we are called individuals precisely because we are individuals, that is, we really are quite different from each other. We can’t expect others to feel the same way that we do, to think the same way we do, to act the same way we do. Each person will always be different. There might be some things that a couple of people have in similarity, but most probably, there is a greater difference between them. I think that’s what makes people interesting, don’t you think? If people were like you in every possible way, wouldn’t that be incredibly boring? I mean, it would be as good as talking to yourself – hold on, it would really be talking to yourself. But seriously, everyone’s different because everyone’s special in that way. Whether a person belongs to a group, or goes by himself, God loves them just the way they are. That’s where my musing started. Which would He prefer, the individual right, or the greater number? Personally, I don’t think He’d choose sides. He wouldn’t choose the group to be the party that he would love just because they’re many-er (fine, more in number). On the other hand, He wouldn’t really choose a single person with prejudice against the group just because that person is alone. First of all, thinking about one’s self is just contrary to what He teaches. As Marley said in her recent entry, we’re called to be losers for Christ. It’s not about who is superior or inferior, as the brothers James and John found out in Mt 10:35-45. In the end, He loves all of us, and for me, that’s all that matters.

Vow

2006-01-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

Vow
Kutless

Another year has come and gone but nothing's changed
I've wasted another year doing the same old things
I want to break out of this and turn my life around
I'm going to make a vow to repent an turn to you.

I'm crying out to you now as I make my new year's vow
I'll tell you I love you and I'll honor you somehow
Hear my promise to you in this new year's vow
I give You all of me
You'll be all of my life and I'll never think twice to do all that you have for me
In my new year's vow

Lord I'll do my best to do, all that I say
I'm not perfect but I know, that's OK
If I stumble you won't condemn my shame
I'm going to make a vow to repent an turn to you

It's a new year this year is different
From the other ones...

Escape

2005-12-31T09:43:00.000+08:00

Trapped in a box
Pushing on all sides ineffectually
Cardboard or steel makes no difference
Claustrophobia setting in

Running endlessly in a jungle called life
Legs feel like lead
Nowhere to go, no one to lead
No finish line in sight

Darkness sets in, light suffocates
Precious little happiness to be found
Anger, loneliness, frustration become prevalent emotions
Pain always around the corner

I want to run with a purpose
Feel the wind dry the tears on my face
I want to get out of the abyss
See the light after a seeming eternity of shadows

I want to breathe freely
Without worrying about the consequences
I want to fly unconditionally
Delight in the freedom offered

I want to be with You for all eternity
You brought salvation from all prisons
You made me soar from troubles
You alone offered the escape from entrapment

The Year That Was

2005-12-31T09:37:00.000+08:00

The Year That Was

Since the year is about to end, I want to come up with a short summary of sorts of what happened the past 12 months, particularly since this has got to be one of, if not the most eventful period in my life (sounds pretty dramatic, doesn’t it?:p).

Shallow thing first: I am officially an adult in legal terms. Fer sure, I’m barely legal, but legal nonetheless.:D Haha! What great changes have happened with the transition? I’m still not paying taxes, I’m still living in my parents’ house, I’m still not working, I’m still studying, I still don’t drink, I still love cartoons, I still have a sweet tooth, so… The effect of the transition of being a child to an adult (legally speaking, anyway) is… nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I’m happy to have it kept that way.:p

If those have not changed, there are a lot of things that more than made up for that, as this is definitely a transitory year for me. A lot of changes definitely have happened – probably the year that most brought a lot of shifts in my life as compared to the previous ones. What is also significant about these events is that these have a very real possibility of changing the direction of where I’m heading. Graduating from college, for starters, is definitely a huge occasion for me, especially the circumstances that went along with it: deciding whether to go into law school, graduate school, or back to college for another degree, or join the labor force. After a lot of prayers, I saw that studying law was the field opened for me, but I also had to make a decision when brought to that spot: which law school to study in. Both options were good, and I eventually chose one over the other due to a variety of reasons, which I think I have already mentioned in a previous entry. Experiencing the effects of that decision is another story, but as long as I’m here, I intend to make the best of it. There are definitely a lot of changes and a lot of adjustments I had to make and accept, most of which aren’t the easiest things to do, but I’m praying for the grace to continue on.

Law school might just change my career path, but another decision I made this year is in my spiritual walk. After a lot of time discerning and praying, I finally committed myself to a Christian community later this year. In all honesty, it wasn’t the easiest decision I have made, due to a lot of factors (none of which I’m willing to divulge as of this moment), but like going into law school, I know that it’s His will for me to be where I am right now. One of the realizations I have had this year is that it’s always about Him, and not so much about me, or even what other people would say or think or believe. Like the other aspects of my life, this is where He wants me to be in, so this is where I will be. I remember the time when I finally decided to take the plunge, in a manner of speaking. Those past few days, even weeks, I’ve been praying about whether to really make that commitment or not, because for me, it’s a really huge decision to make, given all the circumstances (and no, I still won’t spill it). The choice was finally taken out of my hands when, at 3:00 a.m., He finally overrode all of my uncertainties and what-have-yous, and told me to go. And that was that.

Saying all these things make it seem like everything’s been easy and perfect. It’s really not, and it’s probably especially evident for those who really know me. These decisions that I had to make, as well as those outside of these, weren’t just badabing-badaboom easily made. But then, nothing’s really simple and perfect and happy-happy joy-joy, right? Definitely, this year is not the happiest. I can say that with all certainty. This year has brought a lot of pain for me, I won’t deny that. I could appear to be as jolly and spry as the most hyper puppy, but it won’t change the fact that a lot of times, I’m hurting inside. I can also say with complete certainty that I have grown a lot spiritually this year, but there are still a lot of things about me that I know I should change, and things I should let go. For example, my temper hasn’t really improved by time. In truth, I think it actually worsened – a side effect of studying in law school (this is a fact: people who are in law school become crankier). There are things that I thought I’ve already accepted or beyond me, only to realize that I’m still as easily affected by these as before. There are still a lot of huge struggles that I still haven’t surrendered to Him, because of my own bullheadedness and whatever. It’s things like these that continually remind me of these verses from dc Talk’s “In the Light”: “What’s going on inside of me?/I despise my own behavior/This only serves to confirm my suspicion/That I’m still… in need of a Savior.”

This year also saw me as a very emotional person, quite a departure from my logic-always philosophy. Heck, my psychological test took me to be an ESTJ [Extroverted (although borderline introvert), Sensing, Thinking, Judging] --> three out of the four characteristics telling me that I almost never follow my instincts and almost always only relies upon the cold, brutal facts, and then suddenly, I find myself straying from being left-brained. I don’t mean to say that I suddenly burst into mushy love songs or whatever (perish the thought), or start seeing the world with rose-tinted glasses. Hardly that – or maybe I do the former sometimes just for kicks. What I’m saying is that for some reason, I became less reliant on logic, and from time to time actually listen to what my instincts or my feelings are saying. I became less dependent on what is tangible and what can be proven, and instead allowed myself to see what is beyond what is palpable. Imagine that. I guess it’s kind of explainable, given the nature of my old problems and the new ones that surfaced, but it’s still quite a change for me. It’s funny, because before, I could equate myself to a glacier – cold and unmoving, but now, the glacier has discovered that it is not as solid as it believed it was. And here I am using metaphors again and making the situation less understandable than it is.

So there you have it. I really don't want to make a list of my New Year's Resolutions, because I know there's always a very real possibility of me breaking these promises. All I want to do is to lift it up to Him - a new slate for a new year. I just want to be the person that I'm supposed to be, and that is to be a child of God.

You-Fee Peekchurs - Lantern Parade

2005-12-24T11:01:00.000+08:00

Haha! Found these quite fun, so I'm uploading 'em.:p Still haven't gotten the 80s one though.:(

<-- Lem and his girlfriend

<--- The Parade Stoppers (literally)

Trouble in Jerusalem

2005-12-14T19:38:00.000+08:00

“It is good to wait patiently for the Lord to save us. When we are young, it is good to struggle hard and to sit silently alone, if this is what the Lord intends. Being rubbed in the dirt can teach us a lesson, we can learn from insults and hard knocks.”
- Lamentations 3:28a-30, Youth Bible (Contemporary English Version)

Right now, I am undergoing the biggest persecution that I have ever experienced in my entire life. It’s not like Stephen’s experience of being stoned to death, nor is it like China’s Brother Yun who seems to go out of prison only to be captured once again for evangelizing. It’s nothing like that. What I am going through right now is really way too close for comfort, because my burden is in my Jerusalem (for those who don’t seem to understand this, I urge you to read and reflect on Acts 1:8).

In truth, this struggle isn’t something new, but something that I have been going through almost since I was born. I thought it couldn’t get any worse than what it already was – not so much about me just accepting it as it is, but something I’ve already accepted, and continuously have been praying for. I didn’t know and expect that this would be where the persecution would be coming from.

I have made a really major decision in one aspect of my life – something that is potentially life-changing, no matter which way you look at it. It wasn’t the easiest choice that I have made. Heck, it took me several months to decide whether or not to go through with it, and the Lord has been consistent in telling me to do it. It was His will for me to be where I am right now, and the call was so strong that I was really ready to go – never mind if I was alone. I simply didn’t care, as long as it’s because it’s what He wants me to do, never mind if I might be supremely uncomfortable where He placed me; that’s where He led me, and that’s where I’m going. Thank God that He made it so that I wouldn’t be alone to go through it. What I didn’t count on was the reaction I’d be getting from my Jerusalem.

I’ve heard a lot of bad stuff said to me or to someone else in my lifetime, but what came out during that talk has got to be some of the most horrible things ever directed to me. Suffice to say that if my blood pressure were taken right after it, my systole would have been way over my diastole. I thought I was already used to that, but it turns out I wasn’t, and those things just cut to me. Not only were the stuff thrown insulting and unfair, but it was a truly perverted mind that could have turned and twisted something inherently good and made it appear so corrupt. That was the biggest persecution I have ever received. Neither my Judea nor Samaria have given me that brutal an attack. I would think that my Jerusalem would have provided my haven, but I was so wrong. The fact that it is my Jerusalem just makes it seem a thousand times worse than if it were Judea or Samaria, because that, I was able to take. This recent attack, however, just drove straight home, that I would have crumbled if not for Him. I know that He brought me here, and I know He has a purpose for this. At times, I have been extremely bullheaded about it, but I know and believe that it’s His Will for me to be here. I am secure in His Word. Unless He tells me otherwise, I will not do what is contrary to that.

The offense was really obviously coming from the enemy. I’ve said in my past entry that we are soldiers in a war. This means that the enemy has ammo of his own, and he will certainly make his attacks extremely painful, and he doesn’t feel constrained to break whatever rules we might think are applicable too. Ephesians 2:2 (and this is from the same version quoted above, as are the rest of the verses to be cited here, unless mentioned otherwise) says, “You followed the ways of this world and obeyed the devil. He rules the world, and his spirit has power over everyone who doesn’t obey God.” We shouldn’t underestimate him, because he is the ruler of the world, and he will use every means he can use to make us turn away from the Lord. When we think we are safe, that’s when we are in most danger of being attacked, because we get so complacent and filled with foolish pride that we are virtually very fertile ground for him to lay the seeds of corruption. It’s a very scary thought.

Yet the Lord did not leave us to be completely defenseless. We only have to read about the lives of these Biblical heroes to know that He provides for our battles. The Book of Psalms is filled with thanksgiving for the Lord has granted victory. The most powerful imagery that I have read about would be in the last chapter of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, entitled “The Fight Against Evil.” It goes, “Let the mighty strength of the Lord make you strong. Put on all the armor that God gives, so you can defend yourself from the devil’s tricks. We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. So put on all the armor that God gives. Then when the evil day comes, you will be able to defend yourself… Let the truth be like a belt around your waist, and let God’s justice protect you like armor. Your desire to tell the good news about peace shall be like shoes on your feet. Let your faith be like a shield, and you will be able to stop all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Let God’s saving power be like a helmet, and for a sword use God’s message that comes from the Spirit” (v. 10-17). Don’t be misled by what the enemy is saying, because our God has defeated already. His Blood covered us, and nothing will ever take that, unless we allow ourselves to be deceived and be victims of our circumstance – exactly where the devil wants us to be. God gave us His great promise that He will save us, and that has indeed come to fruition with Jesus Christ and by His Cross.

I won’t pretend that I wasn’t affected by what happened, because I was, big time. It hurt a lot. But to allow my thoughts to dwell on it would give the enemy have a grasp on me and start weaving his half-truths and full lies in my head, and that’s not something that I want. I’m praying to God to help me, and I know He will. Trials are in our lives like stones that we never notice until it is too late. Sooner or later, we will trip. If we just sit there mourning about that sin, we allow it to grow into proportion, because continually thinking about it will corrupt us. That is the truth. He will try to convince us that we will never have a chance again, that we’re completely useless, that we’re the biggest losers that the world could have come up with. That is not the truth. That is why we always should be steadfast in our faith and vigilant in our walk, to prepare us in our battles. That is why we should always read His Word, because the Bible is a major way for us to know what His commands are. If we trip, we should get up and continue the fight. We are soldiers, and God is our general. Are we going to be casualties of the war? Not better, if not worse: are we going to be deserters or turncoats of it?

Little Miss Perfect

2005-12-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

One of the biggest (if not the biggest) insults thrown at me definitely has to be “Little Miss Perfect.” I have been called that, or some of its variations, a few times in my life, some disdainful and some in a sneering way, but they all brought out the same reaction from me: one degree short of fury. It’s vastly annoying to be called something that you’re not, even if the person who spoke of it meant it in a good way. I remember two distinct instances when this has been slapped to my face. A friend once called me that, and I ended up having a huge fight with him that lasted for several months. Another was said in good faith. I made some boo-boo which was laughingly pointed out by some other friend, to which another quipped, “Well what do you know? She’s not perfect after all.” Urgh. I wanted to scream, “Of course I’m not perfect! I’m human, for crying out loud!”

For starters, I am most definitely not perfect. I know who I am, and I know that I have so many imperfections. I honestly believe that there is more of me that has to be changed than there is to remain the same – if there is something in me that can be like that. I am a work in progress. I never made any claim to perfection, and I probably will not utter those words in my entire lifetime. If you hear me say them, call up the mental institution so as to get me admitted there, because it definitely means I have a problem up there. Like I said, I know who I am, and what I definitely am not is to be perfect. I take it against people who call me that, especially because it’s an insult to my God by comparing me – however mockingly to me– to Him. Only He is perfect. God alone. Not me, not you, not anybody who is human (except Jesus, but He’s fully human and fully divine at the same time).

It’s true that we try to emulate Jesus as Christians. As Galatians 2:20 says, “I live, no longer I but Christ who lives in me.” But our fall is almost always inevitable, because we’re humans, and being humans, we sin. There is no one who can claim to be sinless forasmuch as he remains human, because everyone sins. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” All. The verse didn’t say, “Oh about twenty million have sinned, but the rest are A-OK.” No. All sinned. Checking out an earlier verse in the same chapter, it says “All have gone astray; all alike are worthless; there is not one who does good, not even one” (Rm 3:12). All of us have fallen short. If in the unlikely possibility that we haven’t sinned yet in our lives, it (sin, that is) will remain as an inherent possibility in our lives, because it’s in our nature, rooting back to the time Adam first fell in the Garden of Eden.

We are all tainted by sin, and no amount of good works, without Jesus, can attain our salvation. It is an insult to Jesus Christ if we claim that we alone can save ourselves, that our abilities are sufficient to grant us our freedom from sin. We claim that, and we might as well say that His sacrifice is worthless. If we could save ourselves, do you honestly think that He still would have died on the Cross for us? If there was any other way, would someone, even God, choose the hardest way just for the heck of it? No. He did it because it’s the ONLY way for us to be saved. We don’t deserve it, and He didn’t have to do it, but He still did. He could have allowed us to boil in our own fat, but He got the ladle and scooped us out. He died in our place, and that’s because of His love for us (Rm 5:8).

It’s all about Him. We are Christians because of Him. He is the One who called us to the Great Commission. He is our Lord, our Father, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Strength, our Refuge, our Worship, our everything. It’s all about God and never about us. How can we claim to be better than other people when our being does not lie upon ourselves but on Him (Eph 2:8-9)? How can we say that we are greater believers than other people can claim to be, when we believe in the same God (Ti 2:14)? How can we say that the way that we follow, the way that we live our lives is the only right path, when Jesus says He is the only way (Jn 14:6)? How can we say we are stronger in faith when He is the one who provides that strength (Phil 4:13)?

A trap we are in danger of falling into is that of self-righteousness. Our noses might be so high up in the air that we endanger scraping it on the ceiling. We think so highly of ourselves that we (1) forget that it’s not out of our own success that we are saved, but by His grace; and (2) commit sin by doing so. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather humbly regard others as more important than yourselves.” Of course, it’s not false humility where we go, “Ok, I will see them as higher up than I am, but in the end, I get all the inheritance of heaven while they get nothing! Hah!” No. It’s not about doing it for the sake of getting something in return. Not only is that self-righteous, but selfish to boot. We do it not for whatever we might receive, but we do it because we love Him, plain and simple. It’s not about gratification. Isn’t His love enough? How greedy are we, wishing for something more when He gave us everything that He is already!

This brings the second danger we might fall into: the trap of believing what the world, what mankind teaches. The reason why we should always be steadfast in faith is because we might fall into this trap, and if we’re not wary and do not know better, we end up caught hook, line, and sinker. It’s easier to discern what the world teaches: all about gratifications of the flesh. What is harder is what man teaches. God uses men as His instruments to bring people closer to Him. However, there is the scary truth of modern-day false prophets. They say things that sound so true yet are totally false. What is scarier are those that are hugely true, but put in a dash of falsity in it, and it’s toxic. Deception is popularly known to be 99% true, 1% false. Scary thought, isn’t it? How will we know then? By listening to God, by remaining in Him. It’s not enough that we go through the Bible once and that’s it. It’s a daily commitment to be with God, and it’s also daily that we should be nourished by His Word and by His presence through prayer.

The truth is, we are in a state of war that has been going on since time everlasting. Another truth is, we can choose to be soldiers in that war, instead of remaining as unconcerned passerby. The truth is, we can’t be unconcerned passerby, not in this war, because one way or the other, we will be affected, and in ways whose proportions we can’t even imagine. We can’t remain in our own protected bunkers waiting for the bomb to hit us. Sure, damage to us won’t really be extensive, but we won’t really be able to do anything else either. What do we do then? We fight. We should also never forget that we are not alone in this battle. We are with Him, and we are also with His other children. That’s why we should always encourage and support each other (1 Th 5:11) instead of looking at each other with jealousy or whatever. And we do it not through what we can do, but what He can do through us. If it’s just us, we will surely fall. With Him, all things are possible (Mk 10:27).

Relevant Article

2005-12-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

Got this article while browsing online, and I think it's pretty relevant to what we're talking about right now.:p I got this from (you guessed it) relevantmagazine.com.

Mimicking the Mainstream
by Tim Willard
“The scandal of the evangelical mind is that there is not much of an evangelical mind,” historian Mark Noll keenly observed of the current state of evangelicalism (The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind). However, it was not always this way. Evangelicalism has become a juggernaut of sorts in the present age, but possibly at the expense of its mind. The sub-culture that is evangelicalism has successfully morphed into a dominant political combatant, as well as a multi-billion dollar publishing (multimedia) empire. One must ask the questions, however: have Christians sacrificed scholarship and intellect for relevance? Have Christians truly become anti-intellectual?

If to lead is to influence, what evidence is there that evangelicals lead out in culture with their excellence or with their spiritual acts of worship? Evangelicals put great importance on leading but instead of creating culture they are content to create a sub-culture, mimicking the mainstream.

J. Gresham Machen was a well-known Christian Scholar at Princeton at the turn of the 20th century. His words may be over one hundred years old, but they still ring true: “Christianity must pervade not merely all nations, but also all human thought… instead of obliterating the distinction between the Kingdom and the world, or on the other hand, withdrawing from the world into a sort of modernized intellectual monasticism, let us go forth joyfully, enthusiastically to make the world subject to God” (Christianity & Liberalism).

With mega-churches growing like Jack’s beanstalk, the new American mind-set of evangelism is, “Get’em into the church building, put on a good show, don’t offend them, give them some Starbucks, and BAM! They’ll get saved.” After all, we must be “all things to all men.” But what happens when we become everything to the world? Christians become everything and nothing.

What is the fruit produced from this faux-finished faith known as evangelicalism? We have huge churches catering to the lowest common denominators of culture. We have a lack of theological integrity because we don’t want to offend anyone with our doctrine. We have turned the body of Christ into something that feels and runs more like a corporation than an intimate community where families actually care about each other. We measure success like a business; if our numbers are growing then everything is good.

The only problem with this mindset is that discipleship cannot be measured in this way. Making a disciple of Christ takes time. It is hard. It is not something that takes place at a huge conference or outreach event. It is life on life.

The fruit of discipleship surfaces a few years down the line when those young people in the youth group have graduated and come back to the church not to be entertained but to plug into someone.

The church has forgotten what it means to equip the Christian mind. It is more concerned with putting on productions than putting out disciples. The end result is a bunch of whiney adults who don’t like the way the power-point presentation looked last week, or complain that the coffee bar needs to have more flavors to choose from. We have successfully dumbed down the Word of God. Intimacy with the Almighty is not something we strive for anymore. We scream “Relevance!” and sacrifice the minds Christ has given us.

I work with a group of young adults who are thirsty for an authentic Christian experience. They want to grow in their spiritual lives. They desire what Paul desired more than anything: to know God.

Relevance does not come from looking cool, a great church production, or using hip lingo. It comes from loving others. Wade Clark Roof of the University of California comments on the Gnostic experience and how it “celebrates experience rather than doctrine; the personal rather than the institutional; the mythic and dreamlike over the cognitive; people’s religion over official religion.” Has our faith morphed into something close to Gnosticism? Is it possible to find balance between the doctrine and experience?

The Christian culture tends to swing like the pendulum to one extreme, stay there for a while and then swing back to the other side. Do I believe we need to have experience in our faith journeys? Yes. Do we need to be more people oriented and less self-serving? Absolutely! However, I think the Church takes its cues from culture rather than creating culture. Our faith demands our hearts and our minds.

The Christian landscape heaves with shallow people, content to live out their faith in the plush sanctuaries of the American church. We are training young Christians not to think about God or reflect on His glory. I have been told on more than one occasion to teach or write in a way that does not threaten someone’s mind (bring the cookies down to the bottom shelf). The interesting thing is when I took a survey of high school seniors who sat in our group discussions they loved the fact that I did not teach down to them. They loved being challenged in their minds and hearts. They said they were tired of the hollowness of their faith. We are hollow Christians. The deep well of intimacy with God is missing from our faith.

Brothers and sisters, look around you. The Christian life is deeper than your iPod play list, it is more intense than Gran Turismo, and it is more than somebody’s idea of saving the world. At some point we will realize that our culture is looking for leaders not mimickers. It is time to create culture... heart, soul, and mind.

Red, White, and Blue

2005-12-02T21:05:00.000+08:00

Just found out my sister (my real dichie) got accepted in the U.S. Navy, and she didn't just pass the exam - she aced it. She was the 9th highest for those who took the Navy exam, and the 15th overall (all the applicants for all the forces - Navy, Army, Air Force - had to take the exam at the same time, from what I know). Looks like it's really His plan for her to be there - we actually teased her that she will be used as a nuclear warhead in battle, as she can be a lethal weapon at times (believe me, I know from experience :p).

Anyhow, her being accepted just means one step closer for me migrating to the U.S. of A. - a country that is just not my favorite (to find out the reason, message me. I certainly won't go and blab it all out to have myself shot by them!) A part of me is actually happy with that - a new life, a new beginning, and letting go of a lot of stuff and starting anew. A huge chunk of me is actually pretty ecstatic, considering that my health will have a better chance of improving rather than staying here (yes, I'm sick again. My throat feels like sandpaper went by it a hundred times). However, there's also this part of me that's a bit reluctant to take that step and go for a huge change in my life, because what may happen is just so unpredictable. Almost certainly, I won't be able to continue on with law school (if we really do migrate, it would probably be 2-3 years from now) because of the age thing again. They might ask me to take another degree again, for that matter. While I will be with some of the people I love most in the world, I would not have the people I love spending time with - physically, at least. If we leave, I don't even know if I'm coming back here again. For all my "save the country" talks, a part of me would actually be relieved leaving it; I'm not a hypocrite, and neither am I a nationalist, as I said before. Don't get me wrong: I still maintain that stand, to do our bit to save the Philippines, but I'm not saying to go and wield the Philippine flag whenever and wherever you can.

It's funny. I go about here talking as though our migrating is a sure thing already, when it's not. Whatever His Will for me, however, I would accept it, in all aspects of my life.

Lament

2005-12-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

Peaceful silence transforms into soundless screams
Inner peace melds with chaos and confusion
When will this end?

Violence upon violence
Man against man
When will this end?

Silent battles raging, internal and external
Not knowing who is friend and who is foe
When will this end?

Betrayals left and right
Unfading anger
When will this end?

When will this end?

Nature v. Nurture

2005-11-30T00:04:00.000+08:00

A school in psychology (I can’t remember which one) came up with the theory that a man’s life is shaped predominantly by either nature or nurture. The former basically means that a person can attribute (or blame, whichever way the wind blows :p) his/her life to his/her genes. A person is tall or short, smart or not-so-smart based on the genetic configuration that s/he has. The latter, on the other hand, follows the thought that a person is shaped based on his/her environment. For the second one, it’s all about the exposure to the elements, in a manner of speaking.

In truth, I neither agree nor disagree with both of these. Or rather, I don’t completely subscribe to one over the other. I think that it’s a bit of both. Sure, genes cannot be taken out of the picture even if we’re talking about attitude more than a person’s appearance. One cannot recall just how many times one has heard lines that go something like, “You are as grouchy as your dad!” or “You are as stingy as your lolo!” or “You are as kind as your mom!” You get the drift. However, one can easily argue that these are easily attributable to nurture and not just to nature. Being surrounded by people who act in a certain way, it’s almost a sure thing that a person will either follow that attitude, or go the complete opposite way. Or, even if one is possessed by this or that certain trait, it doesn’t necessarily follow that that person will stick to what the stereotype that surrounds that. A popular example would be of a short guy being an excellent basketball player. So yes, it’s partly nature and partly nurture, but I think that there’s something else, and I think that that something is called choice. (Hmmm… I think I think too much. What do you think?:p)

Yeah, sure, a person can’t choose his/her own parents. A lot of times also, one cannot choose one’s own environment. What a person can choose, however, is whether or not to subscribe to a certain point-of-view that s/he is exposed to. I believe that ultimately, it’s in the person’s choices that will determine what kind of a person s/he will be. You choose to be who you are by your actions. Sure, a person can always put up the defense that s/he has been set up, or backed into a corner so that there’s nothing left to do but that one way, which just so happens to be completely opposite to what one wants to do. However, a person can’t keep on saying that that’s the case for the rest of his/her life. That’s not always the case. Besides, first and foremost, we all have the freedom to choose. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of saying this, that each one of us is blessed with an organ up there in our heads called the brain, and that we should use it, because that’s the reason why it’s there. It’s our choice whether we limit ourselves or we allow ourselves to broaden our horizons. We can choose to be narrow-minded little prats or brainless robots if we want, but then, why should we? Why would we want to be like that?

Of course, there’s a limit to being broad-minded – almost everything has a limit, when you get down to it. I’m referring to the term to cover only a certain scope. We should be broad-minded not in the sense that we just accept anything and everything as perfectly all right (which is just wrong), but that we discern for ourselves what is good. It’s not about the relativity of goodness – we’ve been equipped by God with a conscience that makes us know instinctively whether what we’re doing is right or wrong. Job 34:4 says, “Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn between us what is good.” We see for ourselves whether something is bad for us and for our soul. Of course, there will always be things that are mala in se (bad by themselves), such as pagan worship and pornography, but there are also things that are dependent on what kind of person you are. For example, a person can get exposed to certain literature, such as music or books, which will not affect him/her at all, because the person will not allow that to twist his/her ideals, concepts, or whatever since s/he knows that that’s just what these are – literature. On the other hand, another person might be exposed to that same medium, and end up not as unscathed as the first person. S/he will be so affected by it that there will be something inside him/her that would be changed, and even possibly forever. But here’s the deal: a thing cannot get to you unless you allow it to. Besides, as Mk 7:15 says, “Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile.” We might go and “ingest” all things seen as “pure,” but if what comes out of us are filled with venom and spite, what good would subscribing to these things do? Absolutely nothing, except to make one be in danger of being so incredibly self-righteous without realizing that one is no better than the rest of humanity. Again, it’s about discerning what is right for you, and what is not an abomination for Him. Each person has his/her own weakness, his/her own Waterloo, and if one knows of it, then stay away from it. If you think that you’re vulnerable to something, then don’t expose yourself to it, but do not assume that everyone else is suffering from the same weakness that you have. Romans 14:3 says, “The one who eats must not despise the one who abstains, and the one who abstains must not pass judgment on the one who eats; for God has welcomed him.” To extend this thought (and the chapter further), let’s see verses 8-9, “For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord; so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. For this is why Christ died and came to life, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living.” God does not discriminate. If we choose to see Him from this angle while another looks at Him from another, it does not mean that you are the one who is right and the other is wrong. That is just your ego talking.

As long as we know we are in the center of God’s Will, as long as we know we are following Him, we are letting Him lead our lives to where we’re supposed to be, it’s fine. We’re not going to go and do something that’s contrary to what He wants for us just because – and especially not so when we have already come to know Him. That would just be insulting. We live for Him and not for what other people are saying. If we know inside us that we are living for His glory, why should we prescribe to what people around us are doing? They have their own different path; all of us have different paths because all of us are different, but all of these ultimately lead to Him, for He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (Jn 14:6). He has a different call for us, but all of these are to bring us to Him, not away from Him. If we go and condemn other Christians for keeping the faith in a way that is a bit different from ours, even if they are following what God wants of them, we would be no better than the Pharisees of old who think that they’re the only ones who are right, and follow the law for its own sake. We do not see that it’s not so much about the method of walking, but that we have our hearts, our souls, our minds focused on our goal: our Lord.

Sirach 15: 17 “Before man are life and death, whichever he chooses shall be given him.”

From inq.net: Conrado De Quiros' Article

2005-11-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

Found this article really amusing and refreshingly honest. Kudos to Conrado De Quiros for a great article.

For those who want to read it themselves, just check out this link.
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There's The Rub : Authentic fakes
By Conrado de Quiros
Inquirer News
ONE. The joke is attributed to the Moro, though these days his Christian counterpart more easily fits the bill. The Moro trader is selling gold earrings, but one of his customers decides to test the authenticity of the product. He soaks the earrings in vinegar and, alas, the gold turns to dross. Unfazed, the trader exclaims, "Ah, clearly your vinegar is fake!"
Two. The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP, the central bank) has just apologized to Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for issuing a P100-bill that misspells her name. Instead of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, what appears on it is Gloria Macapagal-Arrovo. The BSP hastened to assure the public the bill is not fake, it is valid legal tender. In fact, the BSP urged the public to rush to get it-as a bill that makes that mistake is a first in this country. It should be a collector's item, the BSP proposed.
The apology is misdirected. The BSP shouldn't be apologizing to Arroyo, it should be apologizing to the public. The glaring
mistake in that bill is not "Arrovo," it is "President." The "Arrovo" is real (notably given that "robo" is the Spanish word for robbery), the "President" is fake. It is a first in this country, someone who did not win the elections, having money made in her name. The bill is truly a collector's item in the same way that the Ferdinand Marcos bust in Agoo town is a real treasure, a monument to folly and a reminder of the depths to which this country can sink. A country that likes to tolerate authentic fakes.
Well, one thing in Arroyo's P100-bill is real enough. Its value has gotten smaller and smaller.
Three. Juan Ponce Enrile's logging company, San Jose Timber Corp., has a license to log but not to operate as a corporation. The Securities and Exchange Commission revoked SJTC's certificate of registration a couple of years ago for failure to comply with requirements. It has not lifted its revocation. Quite apart from that, Samareños, who fear the areas in their island that Enrile is determined to despoil may become other Ormocs and Infantas, say there's a current log ban covering the entire Samar Island.
Not so, say Enrile and Mike Defensor. Defensor, who issued an order in August allowing Enrile to break a 16-year-old logging ban in Samar, says it is perfectly legal.
Well, Enrile and Defensor have something in common. Enrile is the guy who faked an assassination attempt on himself to justify martial law and who made the term "dagdag-bawas" [vote-padding and vote-shaving] a household word. Defensor is the guy who abducted Panfilo Lacson's witness against Pidal and called it a rescue and who cited an American expert to prove the "Hello Garci" tape was doctored only to be refuted by the expert himself. They're both authentic fakes.
Four. What do Virgilio Garcillano and Elvis have in common? They have both been the subject of "sightings."
Some say they've seen the former election commissioner in Vietnam, others say they've spotted him in other parts of Southeast Asia. The region does not require a visa from nationals of Asean countries, thus allowing fugitives to sneak in without leaving a mark in Immigration. Still others say he's been sighted in Lanao and other parts of Muslim Mindanao, visiting relatives and other strangers. The last prompted Lacson to propose a way for Filipinos to become instant millionaires: Arrest Garci and turn him over to Congress. There's a standing P1-million reward for him.
I myself do not know how Congress settled on the bounty of P1 million. P1 for every vote of the one million votes Arroyo won over Fernando Poe Jr.?
Aquilino Pimentel though has another theory. The only place where Garcillano can be sighted now, he says, is either heaven or hell, though the second is more likely than the first. He personally does not think Garcillano is a current resident of earth. "Someone who holds that kind of information cannot be allowed to live," he says.
Of course, someone who can fake election returns can always fake his return from life, or death. A real fake can always fake or realize a fake reality. But his real absence is the best commentary on the fake presence of the current occupant of Malacañang. Elvis sang "Don't Be Cruel," Garcillano sang "Pipilitin ko po Ma'am." Elvis was called The King, Garcillano is (was?) just called names.
Five. During the recent Apec, Arroyo decried the conditions in Burma and vowed she would help bring democracy to that country. What are the signs of the lack of democracy in Burma and the robustness of it in the Philippines?
One, Burma has no elections; the Philippines has fake elections. Two, Burma is ruled by a vicious junta without the consent of the governed; the Philippines is ruled by a ruthless cabal without the consent of the governed. Three, Burma will not allow people like Aung San Suu Kyi to say what they have to say about the junta; the Philippines does not allow people, like Francisco Gudani and Alexander Balutan, to say what they have to say about the cabal. Burma gags its journalists; the Philippines kills its journalists. Burma has remained one of the most backward and impoverished countries in the world; the Philippines has become one of the most backward and impoverished countries in the world.
Those who can't do, teach.
Six. The First Couple say they went to Disneyland in Hong Kong for their "apo" [grandchildren]. Look at the picture of them that appeared in the Inquirer and see if that's so. They looked absolutely thrilled. The apo were probably bored.
They said they were also there to scout for investment opportunities. Well, they might not have found an opportunity for their country to get rich, but they might have done so for themselves. Disney would pay them a fortune just to not look like Goofy and Minnie Mouse.
Seven. In this country, when gold turns to dross at the touch of vinegar, the vinegar must be fake.

Houston, We Have A Problem

2005-11-21T19:50:00.000+08:00

I think our computers last week had some sort of a conspiracy and decided to have a mutiny, because by Friday, all of them suddenly conked out on us. Seriously. The computer downstairs (the one used by my ate and my kuya) hasn't really been functioning for a couple of weeks now. My desktop was fine (save for it being on Windows 98) until it suddenly decided to stop working in the middle of the week, when I had to print some documents for school. Fine. I still had Woofy. Or so I thought. I went back from school Saturday morning thinking I could play a couple of hours of Final Fantasy VIII (yes, it's an old game, but I still like it :p), I pull out my laptop, turned it on, grabbed my mouse... to have the wire drop limply on the floor. I initially thought that I just didn't plug it in well, so I tried to put it back in, except that it couldn't. Turned out that for some weird reason, the USB slot glued itself to the mouse's cable and was pulled with it.

So there. All three computers were down by Saturday. We brought all three to the shop. Turned out that the first one was programmed all wrong (we just had it repaired last month) and my desktop had its motherboard chewed by creepy crawlies when we were still in the province (disgusting, I know). As for Woofy, I will (hopefully) be able to get him 2-3 weeks from now, because they have to bring it to the main office of Acer to have the repairs done. I'm just thankful I got my desktop back now. I probably won't be able to update this blog that much until then. I'd still be able to go online (it helps me keep whatever sanity I have left), but not as frequently as I had before.

Howell.

Tanging Ikaw

2005-11-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

Bawat araw akong naglalakbay
Umiikot, gumagala
Hindi alam kung saan patungo
Hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin

Pakiramdam ko na ako ay nalulunod
Dinadala ng mga along hindi nakikita
Pakiramdam ko'y umaakyat ako ng bundok na walang katapusan
Patuloy na pakikipaglaban sa mga bato at buhangin

Akala ko'y ako ang naghahanap
Ang katotohanan ay Ikaw ang nagsikap
Pagbalik ko sa Iyo ay tanging ligaya
Pagmamahal Mo'y aking muling nadarama

Ngayon Ikaw ay nakita
Pag-ibig mo ang tanging nais
Buhay ko ay aking iaalay
Ikaw lamang ang aking sinasamba.

[Haha! First attempt to try writing something in Filipino.:p Feel free to edit it for grammatical errors or whatever.]

God's Best

2005-11-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

[This is the first of two entries I have posted regarding this entry. This one is the one written recently, while the other, which follows right after this, was made a little less than a year ago. I haven’t read the one I wrote earlier again, so if you notice some differences between the two entries, feel free to point these out.]

Since 2/3 of the S.S. has decided to write about God’s Best in one way or the other, I feel this compulsion to write one of my own.:p Heehee! Just kidding, sorta.

Anyway, Marley was right when she said that this is one of the topics we love talking about. After all, almost every female (or even male) would eventually want to have a family of her (or his) own, and to care and be taken care of. Of course, we also talked about wanting to choose the right guy from the first; the first man we would have a relationship with will hopefully be the one we would also eventually marry.

I’ve always said that apart from God, I don’t want to base my happiness on another person, because that would be just, well, sad. Yet I won’t deny that I still want what I mentioned above. I would be lying if I said that I’m not looking forward to having a family of my own. Just how much exactly I give focus on that drove home when I realized that out of all the Christian books that I own, a huge chunk of it has been devoted to having relationships – Godly ones, certainly, but still on relationships. I have those written by Joshua Harris, Eric and Leslie Ludy, even Dr. Ron Raunikar. I don’t have anything against them, certainly. If I did, I would not have purchased (much less read) these in the first place. Yet I realize that by reading these, it allows me too much to daydream and focus on my ideal home: a wonderful husband, three kids (two guys and one girl, the latter being the youngest), and pets, especially dogs (See, I told you I’ve thought about it too often!) Reading these is not bad; in fact, it’s actually good, as it prepares a person for that certain time in life where God might call him/her to marriage. What isn’t really good is the aftermath of it. Some friends have commented more than once that the problem with us girls is that we are way too emotional, and I have to agree that it’s true at times. We want to find security and belongingness, and the problem enters when we want to have it now, and hopefully in the arms of a guy. I’m not generalizing that this applies to all girls, but this is applicable to a huge chunk of the female population. A part of the blame lies in the world and what it teaches – that a person cannot be complete without a “significant other.” You’re a complete loser if you haven’t found someone yet by the time you’re twelve years old. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but then again, maybe not.

Focusing way too much on this dims why it is called G.B. in the first place. It becomes Lani’s Best and not God’s Best, that is, it becomes too much centered on what I, we, want and not what His Will for us is. It’s like that bumper sticker I see from time to time that goes something like, “Lord, grant me patience right now.” We pray for our God’s Best without realizing that it becomes what we think is best and not what He wants for us. For that matter, how can we say that our G.B. has to be a person to begin with? It could be in the form of ministry, family, or friends, but not in terms of that so-called “significant other.” It’s G.B. because it’s God’s Best – His perfect plan for us. How can we challenge something so incredible? How can we say that what we want is better, when we can have what is the best? Besides, it’s a two-way thing if a person is meant to have a G.B.: it means that s/he is also the other’s G.B., or, as the people from the Bible study that I go to say, you have to be G.B. material yourself. This means developing on your character, and not just allowing yourself to be just the way you are. And yes, I know we can be stubborn and say, “Why do I have to change? He has to accept me just the way I am.” Borrowing from one of my history teachers in college: “That’s baloney.” If you will be just the way you are forever, you’d still be in the cradle sucking on your pacifier. We have a high expectation of who we want our G.B. to be, and we have to have it clear on the outset that chances are, the other person also expects a lot. As Christians, it’s a definite that we choose someone who’s also a follower of our Lord. How can we hope for someone like that when we don’t develop our relationship with Him? This does not mean that we only work on ourselves just so we can get something back. First of all, do we just continue to know more about Him just so we can get a “significant other”? Who are we fooling but ourselves? It’s an insult to God if we do that: to pretend to be in Christ when all we’re striving for is something extremely worldly. Besides, when we come to know Him and be serious in our faith, we can’t help but be changed by Him. It’s about following Him because we love Him, and not because we want to please someone else. If we do find someone, all well and good; if not, we have an Eternal Bridegroom waiting for us in Heaven.

I will probably never forget what Fr. Meehan said to us in our Th 151 class. He said that God loves us all universally, and at the same time, He loves each one of us personally, and one way of letting this love known to us is by being blessed with a spouse – the reason why marriage is given such importance in Church. A friend also once told me that being committed to someone entails maturity and stability in a person’s life. That’s one of the reasons that I now have when I renewed my commitment to Him. If it’s His will for me to have someone, then Thank You, Lord. I’m willing to wait 5, 10, how many years, knowing that it’s definitely God’s Best. Besides, I don’t want to bank on it that much now, because I know it’s not right for me yet. I’m still a student, for crying out loud! I still want that first guy to be the only one for me, God willing. If it’s not His will for me to be with someone, still, Thank You, Lord. That would be my G.B., and I know that He has a different plan for me, and not one involving matrimony. Besides, above it all, I know that no one else can complete me other than Him. I know, because He has always given me that security.

So now, two words will sum up what I will do: active waiting. For what, only He knows. For sure, I trust Him.

Song of Songs 3:5 “I adjure you, daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and hinds of the field, do not arouse, do not stir up love before its own time.”

Being in Love

2005-11-16T19:27:00.000+08:00

I wouldn't really know if anyone could relate to me, but I was one of the people who dreaded Valentine's Day. After all, I really don't have anyone to celebrate it with. Considering that I'm also one the most cynical people you would ever know, I really think [even now] that the so-called "special event" is just something cooked up by Hallmark to become richer, and it doesn't really do anything to help anyone else anyway. Add to the fact that I'm bitter about it [for reasons that I choose not to divulge], and you get me as your Scrooge for Valentine's. If there's someone out there who is as cranky about the "holiday" as me, we can go and form our exclusive club.But why be bitter when we know that the greatest Being in the world loves us? God says of us, "You are precious in my eyes, and I love you" [Isaiah 43:4].Even more, why be resentful when the One who loves us is Love Himself? 1 John 4:16 says, "We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in Him." Be honest: do you really know anyone who would figuratively and literally give their lives for you out of love? I personally don't, no matter how much they love each other. How much more if one did something so horrible as to hurt the other? Yet because of His great love for us, Jesus chose to be crucified so as to save us from having the same fate. It's like whatis being shown in the movies, when the guy/girl intercepts the bullet with their own bodies so as to prevent it from hitting their loved one, who is really the intended receipient of it. Most people get "kilig" over those scenes, as I recall. What happens in real life is so much better though. Our lives came from God when He created us, but we turned our backs on Him when we sinned. Because of our mistakes, we find ourselves on the brink of death, but because Jesus loves us, He did not allow that to happen, and instead took our place and died in our stead. He who is sinless took our faults as His own to save us, and underwent through so much suffering: physical, emotional, mental, and even social. Yet He also rose from the dead, and He gave us a second chance at life. We already can feel His presence with us right now, but even more so when we end up being with Him forever. So we might not have physically someone with us. So what? We know that there's Someone who loves us even more than what the world can offer [Psalm 139]. Who knows? Maybe He can also provide another person for us. We shouldn't look for him/her in our own time though. Song of Songs 3:5b says, "Do not arouse or stir up love before her time has come." Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be given you." Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight in the Lord, and He will give the desires of your heart." If it is God's will, then there will be someone with us. Whatever may happen though, God calls us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves [Mark 12:30-31]. What then can we do? Instead of being bitter, or inversely, believing in the power of Hallmark, believe instead in true love, the one that comes from God, and that which He calls us to live for.

Looking Backwards and Forward

2005-11-13T19:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the last day of registration in Ateneo – a very significant date for those who have worked as RegCom volunteers. Not only does “last day” equate banquet, but the last day of second semester registration is particularly significant, as it means the election for the new batch of ExeCom members for the next year.

[At this point, I would like to provide a brief background for those who have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about. The Registration Committee, or RegCom (pronounced as REJ-com, not rEGG-com. We pronounce it as REJ-istration, not r-EGG-istration), is a group of Junior and Senior student volunteers under the Registrar’s Office who facilitate just about anything and everything connected with enrollment. The Executive Committee, or ExeCom, is composed of the RegCom Head, Secretariat Head, Logistics Head, and Assessment Supervisor, and these people are the ones who lead the entire organization.]

Like the rest of my batchmates who served in RegCom, I was invited by some of the outgoing Seniors (who used to be our Juniors) to attend the last day rites and celebration. Of course, I went.:p I wanted to see how they were all doing, from my batchmates, to our Juniors, to our Juniors’ Juniors, and everyone else who falls outside of these, like Sir JJ, who is the Registrar of the Loyola Schools, and who is like our dad in school.

During the video presentation the outgoing Seniors prepared for the Juniors, I was struck by the similarity of RegCom members, no matter from what batch they are coming from. The faces were almost coincidental, because if you compare their pictures with the pictures when we were serving, or even from the batches before us, there’s this almost eerie similarity with all of them. I don’t know if it’s the posture, the way we hold ourselves, our outlooks which are somehow reflected in photo paper, but there’s this something that would identify someone as a member of this prestigious (yes, it truly is) organization. It’s not because we have our own language that we alone could understand, or have inside jokes that only we can laugh at. Who else can understand what RO (not CMT), BatCave, Code Mercury, TC, PC, DC, Pitiker, and ETAs mean? Who else knows Sir JJ, Ate Gemma, Ate Dindin, Ate Carmen, Ate Donna, Kuya Sammy, Kuya Angel, Kuya Joel, Kuya Erick, and the rest of the “unrecognized” people of the admin? Who else would think purple and green pens, along with pink, blue, and white slips of paper are highly significant, or would automatically shush upon entering SS Conference Rooms 1 and 2? Who else would believe that VCDS are core values that are to be lived?

It’s funny. RegCom is one of the reasons why I have truly enjoyed college, yet the beginning of my story with it is far from noble (along with some others, if I were to be honest). During our sophomore year, a couple of friends and I decided to enter RegCom solely because of the early registration privilege. The screening process involved going through an interview, and although I didn’t feel as though it would be a breeze, I was reasonably confident about it. After all, the interviewees were a couple of students just like me, right? Wrong. There were two guys who interviewed me (I would later find out that one is the RegCom Head, and the other is the Logistics Head), and they disabused me of my notion. Sure, they did not smirk or become nasty to me, but they were really unnaturally quiet. If it were nighttime, I probably would have heard the crickets chirping, because they did not say anything that is outside of the questions they were asking me. When asked why I wanted to enter RegCom, I blurted out “For the early registration!” before the words popped in my head, because of the way they just looked at me. Lie detectors would not be needed if they were hired to screen out suspects. After the interview, I honestly did not think that I would be accepted because of the stupidest things that kept popping out of my mouth (out of the hundred or so people who try out, they only accept a small chunk of it). Wonder of wonders! I got accepted! I became really excited about that, but I got deflated again during our first GA. The Seniors were rod-stiff and poker-faced in their seats. The ExeCom members were worse, if that were possible. Even a friend, a self-confessed taray queen, barely managed a squeaky reply when the Head talked to her, after promising that she will freeze him in his shoes with a glare. After the GA, we were made to sign up to the subcommittee we wanted to be part of. At that time, there were only three: Food, Promotions, and Marketing. I really wanted to be in Promotions, but because of the rush to get good slots, I ended up being in the committee that just about everyone avoided, and with good reason: Marketing. I was thinking, “This could not get any worse,” because I ended up in a subcommittee that no one wants to be in, and I also foresaw a very tense relationship we Juniors will have with our Seniors. My guess was not far-off the mark: there were these tensions that developed between the two groups. RegCom’s core values are forcibly ingrained in our heads: Volunteerism, Commitment, Service, and Discipline. It was like entering a military school, because the discipline was really, really intense. You have to try to be perfect in everything that you do, because, as our Head pointed out, “There’s no room for complacency.” To make signs, you have to first fold it 32 times, and then use this color of pen for that purpose, and everything. The Secretariat Head said that our signs should as much as possible not look like it was handwritten. During our time, class schedules had to be written by hand also, and because of the sheer number courses and classes, we ended up taking home work that should be submitted the day after. Call time during prep days and actual registration was at 6 a.m., so I’d get up at around 3:30 and then be off before 5. We’d be dismissed at around 9-10 p.m. because of the number of work that had to be done. The next day would be the same schedule. Even with the nametag, you would still be called “RegCom” (and hopefully by the correct pronunciation!) as though you were a non-person but an entity created solely to serve them (which is in some way true). During actual registration, you will get yelled at by virtually all members of the Loyola Schools community: the students, faculty members, parents of the students, and other employees. What I love saying is that your whole RegCom experience will not be complete if you were not yelled by these people at least once in your career in the organization. The authorities were not much help, because although they did teach us what to do in this or that situation, they weren’t all that friendly about it (if some of my Seniors are reading this, I apologize for this, but this is what I felt and saw at that time). Actually, being “not friendly” is an understatement. I remembered this one time when I wanted to cry out of sheer anger and frustration because of someone who gave me wrong instructions and then suddenly reversed it and made it seem like it was my fault when things fell apart. It was a really horrible experience, and I during those times, I seriously considered leaving the organization. My thoughts were somewhere in the line of, “I am sacrificing my sem break for this?!” Not only do we not have as long a break as the other students, but we had to endure the nastiness of our Seniors as well as the people we have promised to serve. The only compensation we received, not counting the fact the meals we received, was the “early registration privilege,” which did not ensure that we get our first choice of classes. My schedule during the first semester of my Senior year wasn’t the best – my first class started at 0730 a.m. and ends at 0900 pm. The privilege was more of a necessity and not a gift, because we couldn’t have served the students and enrolled for ourselves at the same time. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t paid, unlike the scholars who are also volunteers for the registration period. In my mind, we were just a bunch of sado-masochists. Our former Head said it very well: “We’re a nameless, faceless, and thankless organization.”

Yet I found myself always coming back to serve the students. Even when I have already graduated, I still went back to serve Summer of this year. Sure, we receive all the flack if the registration doesn’t go that well even if we’re not the ones at fault. Sure, we only get free meals out of weeks of working. Sure, we’re probably the most hated organization (which is actually a misnomer; we’re not an org but a student arm of the school administration). Sure, we barely get any rest because we spend our breaks working in school instead of enjoying our sem or summer break. Yet there is this certain fulfillment that we get by working. I have said in that horrible interview that I like helping people, and that did not change. There’s this warm glow of accomplishment that I feel at the end of the reg day, especially if we made the students have an easier – and hopefully happier – registration process. I’ve loved RegCom so much that I did not hesitate to go the extra mile for the organization. When I was made one of the Marketing heads, I gave them my promise that I would do the best that I can. Our batchmates also made the promise that we would not treat our Juniors the way we were treated. That year was great. I did my best to keep the promise that I gave them. I was praying really hard those times for help in getting sponsors, managing them, while balancing it with academics as well as actual registration work, since most of the marketing work – meeting with sponsors, negotiating, etc. – happens during the semester. There were difficulties we’ve encountered –sponsors backing out at the last minute or not paying us at all, red tape, missing paraphernalia of the sponsors, etc., as well as the fact that outside of my co-heads and I, there was barely anyone else working for marketing. Thank God that we overcame through all that, and the sub-committee churned out very good output. We were on really good terms with them, and even now, I can go and just hang with them knowing that they’re not petrified of me (at least, I hope not.:P I don’t think so, though, considering that they love picking on me anyway :D). There were differences, of course; those will never be fully gone. Outside of those, it was really great. The RegCom Room in Colayco will always be a happy place for me.:D I learned so much from the organization not just in terms of the training, which is really amazing, but also but myself. RegCom is definitely a good character builder. It also united very different people into a common purpose, which is amazing. We might have had different reasons to stay, but in the end, we were all in it together, as cliché as that may sound.

---

During our first Legal Profession meeting last Friday, our professor made us write a short essay in answer to a question, which went something like, “Do you have a sincere desire to study law, or is it just for the glamour in society?” Although I already knew what my answer would be, the question still made me pause. Why am I in law school? It’s something that I haven’t asked myself since I entered, as my question before was always, “Why am I still in law school?” Amazing how a single word can change the entire meaning of a sentence. Anyway, I’m digressing. Of course, one reason will be because my mom wants me to. I’d be lying if I said that that’s not a factor in my choice. However, if there was no genuine desire for me to go, I would not have gone through the exam and to school no matter what people would have said.

Right off the bat, I can say that I’m not in it for the honor that society will give me. I never really cared what people would say about me, so it doesn’t matter whether they’d glorify me or look down on me. One reason why I wanted to study law is purely for academic reasons. I have always loved social sciences and humanities fields such as sociology (although my teacher in college wasn’t all that great), psychology, history, and philosophy. I like knowing about how the human mind works, and why people make this or that choice in their lives, and all that. It also allows me to broaden my mind, because these disciplines make you look at things from different perspectives and not limit you to only one or a couple of points-of-view. That was what drew me to law: the ability to be able to interpret the law and situations in different ways (yes, I can be nerdy. Sue me, especially if you find out the extent of my nerdiness). The other thing is quite funny. I keep talking (and knowing) about my cynicism, yet there are certain things where I am hopelessly idealistic of. This is one of them. I want to go into law because I believe there is still hope for our country. There are so many corrupt, twisted people here, yet I still believe that we can still have a bright future. I want to help make that change happen, even if my contribution would not be something gargantuan so as to be immediately noticeable. I want to help those who need it, but who do not have the means to have it. I want to let others know that they can make a change if they just desire for it. I know that God does not want us to fry in our own oil, and I know He has better plans for us, and it’s something that we can reach. This is something that makes me optimistic, because a law degree is not needed to achieve that. It will definitely help, because it gives the opportunity to reach out to those who we normally would not have access to. That’s why I want to go into the profession. If it’s not His Will for me to continue on, there are still other ways to make that change happen.

This is now my second semester in law school. Whatever may happen, may it be His Will that may happen. Might I be able to take care of what has been entrusted to me.